Second Trimester

Q&A: Husband Scared Of Sex During Pregnancy?

I am almost 5 months pregnant and my husband and I have had sex only one time, since discovering the good news. I don't know if he is turned off, although he says he doesn't want to hurt the baby. I initiate a conversation and he doesn't want to talk about it. I even told him I would do certain things for him, just so we could be intimate and he doesn't want to. Most friends I've talked to said they were still having sex up until a few weeks before the baby arrived. Is there something wrong with my picture?

First of all, forget what "most of your friends say they were doing" during their pregnancies. Every man and woman experiences pregnancy and sex differently. You need to get the bottom of his feelings and attitudes. Tell him you understand his concerns about potentially harming the baby and you'd like him to get reassurance from your healthcare provider. Either bring him along for your next appointment or call them and they can discuss this with him down the phone. Or, buy a pregnancy book that provides information about this. Undoubtedly it will reassure parents that their baby won't be harmed by having sex as long as you're fit and well.

Next explore with him if he has a belief that somehow the mother of his child should not be a sex goddess too. Many men find it hard to combine seeing their wife as a mother and a lover. If he'll open up about such attitudes it'll be easier to get him to see you as a whole woman. Certainly if you're "in the mood" don't talk about baby-stuff with him because that will put him off. Also that way he can practically ignore that you're pregnant while you're trying to get him in the mood for love. Men can get pretty good at that denial thing! Once you've come this far dress attractively, light some candles and put some new mood music on. Hopefully he'll be able to let go and see you as a lover again.

—Dr. Pam Spurr

By Paula Kashtan