Should We Stop Making Excuses For Single Moms?
As a single mom with one child, I've found that people, with kids or without kids of their own, have always felt the need to make excuses on my behalf in different situations. Sometimes, they would blame being a single mom as the reason why I could not perform a task. It built a fury of angry fires deep into my soul like nothing else! I have always made a conscious effort not to use motherhood as an excuse for anything.
If I used my child as an excuse, what kind of example would I be setting for my daughter? I can't help but wonder, though, why so many people feel the need to explain my situation or use it as an excuse. Is it because they think it is harmless? Do they view themselves as "thoughtful" or "courteous" when then write me off as a single parent? I know that these people have no clue what it takes to be a mommy without any other support to fall back on — and I can't help but find their naivety as ignorant and selfish, almost like they are subconsciously boosting their own spirits by downplaying mine. But I know, deep down, that these individuals never mean any harm by it.
So to the women, men and my fellow parents who don't know my situation, I want to let you know that I often find that your lack of understanding demeans and disrespects my efforts as a mom. It also takes away from all that it has taken me to get to where I am as a woman and as a parent. Yes, it is difficult to manage any sort of social life when I have no one to help, but I still do have one. Yes, it can be an economic struggle at times to be a single mom, but that doesn’t mean my daughter has ever gone without anything she has ever needed. And no, just because I am a single mom and I am talking to your husband does not mean I am interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with him! Now, please, the next time you cross paths with a single mom, make sure you ask her real questions of wit with sincerity. Give her a little credit, she's doing a two-person job by herself. Remember that a single mom is just like any other mom and that our number one priority is still our kids. Any parent does whatever it takes for their kids and a single mother is no different.
As a single mom, I've been blessed with the ability to really understand my true value and self-worth. Whenever I needed to check in on my relationship with my daughter, I did. There was no one else involved. I would have to go straight to the source. The importance of communication and listening are two qualities I can be sure my daughter knows well from the example I set for her. We have a bond of trust that is deep-rooted like a hundred year old Magnolia Tree. We might only have had each other, but that kept everything simple, sweet and without fluff.
There is an insurmountable level of strength that comes with being a single mom. We can do it all. And I'm so proud to say that if I could have gone back and done it differently, I wouldn't change a thing.
Are you a single mom? Does it bother you how some people treat you?