Mom’s Viral Post Shares Concrete Ways to Be the Village We All Need

Last year, the US Surgeon General issued a public health advisory not on heart disease or lung cancer but on loneliness. In a world that’s more ‘connected’ than ever with cell phones and social media, real connection has suffered.

In particular, parents report disproportionately high rates of loneliness, with 65% of parents with partners and 77% of single parents reporting they felt alone and without support, even in times when they needed it most. The antidote to this loneliness, especially in the parenting world, is often branded as the illustrious village.

Almost all parents say they want a supportive, loving village, but actually being a part of one requires more than just signing up for a Facebook group. To have a village you can count on, you first have to be a part of the village. But finding out how to support others and craft this close companionship isn’t always easy. That’s where Duke professor and Canadian mom, Kate Bowler comes in.

In two now-viral posts making their rounds through the parenting community and beyond, the New York Times best-selling author lays out specific ways that parents, those who love them and everyone else can be the village.

Bowler’s ideas include:

Host a “thank you” party

Throw a “thank you” party for the people who showed up when you needed it most. Have fun with the theme from “With a Little Help from My Friends” (cue the Beatles) to “Because You Showed Up” (celebrating their presence, not perfection) or “You’re My Cure for Being Human” (for the ones who carried you through).

Keep a running “check-in” list

Start a list of the people you know who are carrying something heavy. Then, try sending them a meme, a quick thinking of you text or a no need to text back message. Regular check-ins, especially when times are hard, matter more than you think.

Be the “fun bringer”

Create the vibes you wish you could fall into. Bring the movie snacks, start the playlist and light the candles. Joy counts as care, and especially in today’s world, sometimes what people need is a reason to laugh for a minute.

Celebrate the unseen

Notice what people in your community are carrying and then name it out loud. You could say: “You’re showing up, even when it’s hard,” or “You made a decision—that’s brave” or even “You got through today. That matters.” A little acknowledgment goes a long way in difficult times.

Send a short, specific text

Sometimes when you are overwhelmed with postpartum hormones, parenting stress or just life it can feel like a monumental task. Help ease the burden (and increase your odds of getting a response) by making it easy to say yes or no. Or nothing at all. No open-ended “let me know if you need anything.” Just offer something real.

Be an errand buddy

Some things just feel easier to do with someone beside you. You can drive a friend to a doctor’s appointment and take notes, go with them to the store and help load the car or even just ride along for the funeral, court date or sit with them while they get their oil changed.

Host an “anything goes” party

Create a space where people can show up and be celebrated—no milestone required. Survival is worth gathering for! Things worth celebrating: turning in a dissertation draft or a resignation letter, completing a home project, finally setting that boundary or getting out of bed every day for a week after heartbreak.

Offer your skills

The talents or know-how you already have might be exactly what somebody needs. You could offer to: fix the faucet that keeps leaking, proofread the resume or grant letter, set up their new tech (or at least try), tame the overflowing pantry or help their kid with the overly complicated science fair project.

Volunteer your time

When someone is carrying too much, your time might be the most generous thing you have. Ways to give your time: babysit so someone can shower, rest or be alone for a while; walk the dog during a week that won’t let up; sit at their house while the repair person comes; or show up on a Saturday to help pack, clean, or move.

It’s important to remember that building a village isn’t about grand gestures or picture-perfect parenting moments. It’s about everyday acts of care, consistency and showing up.