Exhausted Mom Gets Brutally Honest on Why Shared Parenting Isn’t Always Easy

“In the spirit of honesty, having a baby is one thing, sharing that baby is a completely different story.”
ByStephanie Grassullo
Associate Editor
Published
Dec 2018
Woman and man couple holding hands with sad expression on face
Photo: iStock

Australian blogger and writer Constance Hall sounded off on Facebook recently to voice her parenting woes. Her main source of frustration? Finding a balance between fulfilling her role as a mother, while also equally sharing the responsibilities with her husband. It’s a happy medium the mom has yet to perfect.

“I get so many messages on Instagram about how ‘hands on’ my husband is, and even people telling me that we are ‘couple goals.’ The truth is that having a baby has pushed my relationship to the absolute edge,” Hall admits. “I can handle upping my workload, I really can. But what I can’t handle is the unjust, unfair living arrangements that so commonly follow the birth of a baby.”

Contrary to what many may first assume, the mom isn’t trying to attack all dads, but rather highlight an area she and her partner have struggled to expertly execute.

“I’m not man bashing or airing my dirty laundry or doing any of the other ridiculous things that people say when someone speaks out in their truth against a system that greatly benefits one gender while driving another insane. The minute the baby came out, I became the ball and chain,” Hall boldly explains.

While she is certainly not the first mom to make this confession, there are a ton of partners who have the whole shared parenting thing down to a science. In fact, Angel, the mom blogger behind The Bluegrass Mom, went viral earlier this year when she set the record straight on what shared parenting means in her home. One point Angel made very clear is her husband is not a babysitter, but a parent. This important detail is something Hall and her husband haven’t nailed just yet.

“Coming somewhere with me becomes a chore, holding the baby a favor. We went from being inseparable—our saying was ‘where you go, I go’—to Christmas holidays with two trips apart already,” she says.

“I’m f*cking exhausted…Is this what equality looks like?”

So while she appreciates all of her social media fans giving kudos to them for being “couple goals,” she wants everyone to know it’s not all sunshine and roses.

“Thank you for giving me some superficial gratification when telling me that we are couple goals, but in the spirit of honesty, having a baby is one thing, sharing that baby is a completely different story,” Hall admits.

The struggle not only affects their parenting, but also their relationship as a couple. The truth is, your relationship will drastically change once baby arrives. But change doesn’t have to bad, and if you and your significant other prepare for the exciting milestone in your lives, you’ll be all the more ready to conquer this lifestyle change head on. And there’s no shame in asking for help. Resources like the Lasting app are designed to help married couples keep their relationship strong. The app offers personalized feedback, quizzes and exercises, essentially acting like a digital marriage counselor for today’s busy couples.

Because although the Aussie mom and her partner are currently struggling, at the core of their relationship is a foundation of love.

“Where there is love there is a way, and there is no shortage of love in my marriage. We will grow and we will be okay,” she says.

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