Stop Praising Dads for Being Good Parents

The way we perceive both moms and dads has changed a lot over the years. Specifically, dads have had a more active approach to parenting than in previous generations. Just take the number of stay-at-home dads, which jumped from 4 percent in 1989 to 7 percent in 2016, recent data revealed.

It’s a wonderful and progressive step, but there’s just one problem—the constant pat on the back for dads who are involved with their kids.

When we praise dads for being, well, dads, it’s not only insulting to moms—who often do the same job with little to no acclaim—but it’s also undermining a man’s capability to be a parent and belittling all he does for his kids.

Kyle Fowle has a lot to say on the topic. In a recent article for Grok Nation, the Canadian dad explains when he’s with his kid in public, he really doesn’t want your praise. As a freelance writer, Fowle takes his son out on a lot of solo trips. And in a few months, he’ll join the stay-at-home dad club, so he certainly has lot of experience in this area.

“In my heart and in my head, I’ve always known that dads taking any sort of active parenting role get a lot of praise and attention…but to actually experience, and to see how constant and common it is, is totally different,” he says on Grok Nation.

While those quick to compliment surely mean no harm, Fowle calls out a “larger social, gendered construct that’s troubling.” According to the dad, there are two major problems with this mindset.

The first is men are given “an easy pass when it comes to childcare,” but are overwhelmed with praise when they do the bare minimum.

“I can’t even imagine my wife, or any other mother, being applauded for her hard work and involvement in her child’s life while she’s pushing a stroller in the mall,” the Canadian explains.

As for his second point, when the bar is set so low for fathers, “the baseline assumption about any dad is complete incompetence.” In fact, Fowle digs even deeper into this issue in another article he penned, where he calls out how the majority of parenting books aimed at dads assume they are “clueless dolts.”

He’s calling on the public, especially his fellow dads, to expel this outdated stereotype once and for all.

“We can be more active parents and partners, we can work to dispel the idea that we’re hapless and incompetent, and instead take pride in our domestic side and refuse to make jokes about it because we feel our ‘masculinity’ is threatened, and we can value the work itself.”

Back in October, Piers Morgan mocked Daniel Craig for babywearing his daughter. Proving just how obsolete Morgan’s way of thinking was, dads of Twitter fired back with the best responses.