Mom Laments 'Ultimate Bullsh*t' That Is Dinnertime With Toddlers

"I don't hate my kids. I hate dinnertime."
ByAnisa Arsenault
Associate Editor
Published
Mar 2017
Baby rejecting being spoon-fed
Photo: iStock

Remember when introducing solid foods was easy? No? Well, the always-hilarious Bunmi Laditan is here to assure you mealtime is not going to get easier.

“I’m not running for public office, but if I were, my entire platform would be that all children under 10 be fed exclusively Ensure until they learn to cook for themselves, whichever happens first,” she writes in a recent Facebook post. Laditan has three kids, and it’s her 3-year-old who’s currently making dinnertime a disaster.

“I’m tired of dinner,” she continues. “It is absolutely insane that every night, mothers and fathers are forced to waste their life force trying to convince their seed to CONTINUE LIVING via the ingestion of essential nutrients.”

Laditan points out this is a uniquely human problem: “You don’t see baby koalas and buffalo rejecting their bamboo and savanna grass do you? You don’t see little toddler alligators talking about, ‘Mama, this gazelle is too stringy. It’s hot. Mama the blood is hot. It’s hot, mama. Can you blow on it even though I too am capable of blowing?’”

Not to worry; she has some suggestions.

“We as parents need to come together. Rather than feeding our children individually in our own homes, we need to nourish them at giant picnic tables in the street sitting side by side, too distracted by each other’s presence to realize they’re eating.”

Not feasible? Just send all the picky eaters away.

“I’d also introduce the idea of sleep-away preschool for 3-year-olds because there is no one who spends time around that particular demographic who doesn’t lose a piece of their precious minds because 3-year-olds do.not.give.a.single.f&@$.”

This isn’t the first time Laditan, author of Toddlers Are A-Holes, has gotten real about how ridiculous parenting can be. Our personal favorite? Her thoughts on modern parenting:

“Do you know what vitamins I had growing up? None. Daylight was my vitamin,” she says. “Occasionally, once a year tops, my mom would get us those chalky Flinstones vitamins that looked liked kidney stones but we’d only have to eat them for a few days before she lost interest in our health.”

Give this lady a follow.

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