New mom to Otis Alexander, Olivia Wilde shared an important first Mother's Day lesson on The Late Show last night: Don't go to Central Park on an empty stomach.
"I had Mother's Day and [fiance Jason Sudeikis] had Father's Day," Olivia said. "He and I had very different ideas of what we want to do on our day. The deal is that we each get to do whatever we want on our day. So my day, I wanted to have brunch. I wanted to go to Central Park. I had this image of Central Park being completely empty, just rolling meadows, one person a mile away flying a kit, some balloons. So he says, 'Yeah, we can do that.' So we go up there and it's hell. It's more packed. Everybody in the world is in Central Park that day. It also happened to be Japan Day, which it turns out is a huge deal in New York City... There were a billion people there and there's one bathroom, as far as I can tell. Maybe there are more — I couldn't find it. It was a bad decision on my part."
As someone living in New York City, like Olivia, I'm always down for a pretty weekend stroll in Central Park and a good brunch. And in a perfect world, the park would be free of tourists and loud musicians and the best restaurants wouldn't have two-hour waits. But in reality, the park is always a zoo on weekends, Japan Day or not.
So, yes, we love your spirit and dream, Olivia. But maybe your next Mother's Day should include reservations and be near a changing table.
"I had the image of the picnic and everything would be so lovely," she said. "There would be flowers and the baby would be cooing and I would be the glorious mother. Instead, we were sweating, and angry and hungry. Everyone had to pee. I finally just dropped to the ground on a patch of dirt, like in between two ugly roads, and then just ripped off the diaper off the kid to change him and he just pooped everywhere — like a torrent, a flood."
First of all, Olivia, the term you are looking for is "hangry." You were haaaaaaangry. And for those who don't know what hangry means: You know that feeling when you're so hungry that you become angry and frustrated in the darkest way possible? Like, the bagel shop is cash only and you only have a debit card and go into full-on meltdown mode that you'll cringe at next week? That is hangry. So we totally understand the angry diaper change situation (and a Central Park hot dog and pretzel cart isn't the most filling solution, although it is delicious).
And as for the torrential poop downpour? That's just a lovely added reminder of what being a mom is sometimes all about.
"I now consider [Mother's Day] the most important holiday of the year," she jokes. (But for realz... it is.)
Watch the clip here:
Was your first Mother's Day mostly messy or totally perfect?