8 Bad Behavior Stories You Can't One-Up
Your kids are fighting, the house is a mess and you’re pretty sure there’s poop in the playard. When you’re feeling bad about yourself as a parent, there’s only one place to turn: Reddit. In addition to comment after comment of new-parent solidarity found within the threads, you’re bound to find a mom or dad who’s having a day worse than yours.
Yesterday, for example, Reddit user Massenburger posted an instant message he received from his wife.
“ Just got this ‘sh*t’s going down’ IM from my wife,” he labeled the thread, continuing, “My wife stays home with our three kids (6, 4 and 1). She just sent me this:”
I’m cancelling all events this week for the kids, and absolutely no TV this entire week. No desserts either.
“For the morbidly curious, here was her next IM of what went down exactly:”
Couldn’t even do my workout without one of them screaming. Two books were ripped (our books). I told them to clean the playroom; all of a sudden they had no idea where anything went. Joshua (almost 4) just peed all over the rocking chair and all of his clothes and Bella (6) just scratched her name into the kitchen window sill.
Over the next few hours, Redditors chimed in with their own horror stories of kids misbehaving. No matter the incident, the takeaway is the same: It happens. Below, seven of the highlights.
“Today, my daughter sprayed sunscreen all over the wood chest, toy box and two couches. Then she smeared her hands on the glass door as I was trying to clean the mess. My son cried and cried because he found a 2-cent coin and his sister played with it in the little pool. Then he didn’t eat his dinner and his sister kicked him. Now they are in bed and I am going to have a long shower. We parents earn our little bathroom time.”
“Once, my kid Sharpied the TV screen as my husband was watching TV and he still didn’t notice. We’re able to laugh now, but I have to say, I didn’t really respond that well at the time.”
“I found my 2-year-old in the dryer when I went to put in my load. The 6-year-old got him to climb in and closed the door.”
“My 5-year-old just dumped an entire glass of milk all over the computer, table, chair and carpet while I’m attempting to clean the house. Thanks, kid. It’s also 100 degrees in my area today, so that smell will be strong and disgusting for a good long time. There are days when I understand why selling children to roaming bands of vagrants seems attractive.”
“My son once peed on his entire book shelf and about 100 books were destroyed.”
“My older daughter’s room was an office before we had her. We had a whiteboard that she shouldn’t have been able to reach. We forgot about it. Well, she is 3 and a climber. One day, I went to get her from the nap she was supposed to be taking, opened the door and found she had written on every wall, her chair, the closet, the windowsill—just everywhere. My husband was working from home. I told him he needed to come up and see what his daughter did. We had been showing our condo to try and sell it so he cleaned the walls while I got the kids. These things happen to all of us. We get tired, forget stuff or miss stuff. It happens.”
“Little kids and pens: the worst. My daughter, almost 5, colored with pen and pencil in her wall a month ago. I made her clean it with lots of scrubbing. Lesson learned… Nope! Last week she drew a big purple X on our guestroom carpet.”
Our favorite comment, however, isn’t a tale of bad behavior at all. It’s more of a sigh of relief.
“I’m reading the post and replies and thinking, ‘It’s not just me?!’ I’m not the worst person in the world for losing my sh*t, for screwing up and letting something like this happen? Thank God—maybe this really is just par for the course with a bunch of little kids.”