Having Rude Coworkers Can Make You a Meaner, Stricter Parent

Plenty of parents strive to leave work at the door before heading home, but it’s not that easy when you have horrible coworkers—and science is backing you up. A new study suggests that rude, disrespectful colleagues can actually influence your parenting style for the worse.

According to research from the American Psychology Association (APA), women who face incivility in the workplace are more likely to be strict and controlling with their children and take on an authoritarian parenting style, which can have negative effects on kids.

“Incivility” could take the form of people who make (or ignore) derogatory comments about you, take credit for your work, blame you for their mistakes, shut you out of team meetings and events or are generally inconsiderate toward you.

Their actions can be so subtle, you might think to just brush it off. “This is a form of mistreatment that many likely dismiss as non-effectual. It’s unpleasant, it’s frustrating, but it may boil down to one seeing a coworker behaving as a jerk,” says Angela Dionisi, an assistant professor of management at Carleton University and a researcher for the study. “Our findings, however, suggest that this low-intensity behavior can actually erode one’s sense of parental competence, and as a result, may also be harming one’s children in a vicarious way."

The online study surveyed 146 working mothers and their spouses, asking moms about their experience with incivility in the workplace and their parenting style. Their spouses were asked to comment on the mothers’ negative parenting behaviors. The results suggest a strong link between experiencing rude behavior at work and being too strict with your kids at home.
Authoritarian parents share a lot of the same qualities as the stereotype of a awful boss. They often have high expectations for their children and expect unconditional obedience, but provide very little feedback or nurturance and harshly punish mistakes. That can all lead to major issues for kids both in and out of the home.

“This style of parenting has been associated with a variety of negative child outcomes, including associating obedience and success with love, exhibiting aggressive behavior outside the home, being fearful or overly shy around others, having difficulty in social situations due to a lack of social competence, suffering from depression and anxiety, and struggling with self-control," says Kathryne Dupre, an assistant professor of organizational psychology at Carleton University and co-author of the study.

Having good coworkers isn’t just key to a positive parenting approach—recent research points to a supportive work environment as key to success for breastfeeding moms. So consider a positive workplace a priority—for your sake and your kids’.