This Mom’s Unapologetic Explanation for Giving Her Kids ‘Unique’ Names Has Gone Viral

There are two types of people: Those who have unique names (hey to all the Apples, Wests, and Stormis of the world) and those who wish they had unique names (just try yelling “Ashley” into a crowd and see how many people look up). Writer and mom-of-three Elizabeth Broadbent and her husband Christopher fall squarely in the latter camp. Knowing what it was like to grow up with two popular names, they wanted to call their kids something that would help them stand out from the crowd. But apparently, as Broadbent writes in an essay for Scary Mommy, some people seem to have a problem with their decision.

She starts by explaining that her own name, Elizabeth, and her husband’s name, Christopher, were both among the most popular baby names when they were born. And going to school with a lot of other Elizabeths and Christophers was an experience neither of them particularly enjoyed.

“From kindergarten on, both of us had to put a last initial after our names, something that seemed grossly unfair to a five-year-old, to differentiate us from the two other kids with the same name as us,” Broadbent writes. “I swore I would never give my kid a name that had to come with an initial or some other distinguishing characteristic. I dated two guys named Chris, who I called exclusively by their last names because there were so many of them. I would never do this to my kids, I vowed. Never.”

Because her husband is Catholic, the couple decided that when they became parents they would choose names based on his faith.

“Catholic names come in three flavors: Peter-Paul-and-Mary-normal; out-there-but-still-sort-of-hipster; and weird AF,” Broadbent hilariously explains. “We were not about to delve into the third category, which includes stuff like Pius and Severus — the stuff J.K. Rowling lifted to name Death Eaters — and all things medieval, like Aethelfred. So we were stuck with the middle ground of Catholic naming, with still has plenty of weird and wonderful stuff crammed into it that gives your kid a good unique name without someone mocking them about their Hogwarts letter.”

In the end they settled on Blaise, Augustine, and Simon for their three sons. Broadbent confirms there’s been plenty of mispronunciations, misspellings and jokes about choosing uncommon names, especially for the two eldest boys.

“My oldest son, Blaise, sometimes gets a mispronounce,” she says. “‘BLADE! That’s such a cool name!’ one guy said. No dude, it’s Blaise, and you just told me way too much about yourself. Usually, we just have to spell his name: Blaise-with-an-S. B-L-A-I-S-E. If people are familiar with the saint or the mathematician, they nod their heads. If they aren’t, they think we made that shit up.”

Her middle son, who often goes by the much easier nickname “August,” is on the receiving end of the majority of mess ups—and also really bad “where are September and October?” jokes.

“People say Au-gust-een instead of the proper Au-gust-in, which grates on my soul,” Broadbent says of her middle child. “I suppose they’re channeling the city in Florida. It’s so bad that I’ve taken to spelling it without the terminal e anywhere I can get away with it: name tags, doctor’s offices. This makes life easier for everyone. He has an easy nickname though — August — and no one fucks that up, thank God though they sometimes ask where September and October are. Not funny, done before, STFU thanks.”

Her youngest son’s name, Simon, is (understandably) easier for people to get. But his nickname, Sunny, named for his happy demeanor as a baby, occasionally confuses people.

“People think it’s Sonny, like Sonny Jim,” Broadbent writes. “…Then they think we really out-of-the-womb named him that, so I have a Blaise, an August, and a Sunny. Notice the hot-weather theme going there? It makes for some weird ass conversations, but I swear we didn’t plan that part out.”

These may seem like small complaints to some, but imagine if this was your life 24/7 times three. Of course you would get tired of constantly having to correct people. Though Broadbent says, at the end of the day, she and her husband are very happy with their decision.

“I’m happy with my kids’ names,” she concludes. “They’re different. I’ve never met another Blaise; I’ve only seen two other Augusts, and neither was an Augustine; Simon-called-Sunny is unique. If they went to school, they wouldn’t have to put their initials after their names. They also wouldn’t be so far into the realm of ‘out there’ that people couldn’t pronounce their names (okay, for the most part), and they wouldn’t have to spell them out (mostly). And so what if they did? So what if they do? Their names are awesome. Their names are beautiful. They’re unique, they’re cool, they’re all very special to us as a family.”

If she ever were to get pregnant again, Broadbent adds, they’d name their fourth baby something equally unique. Any opinions to the contrary are “neither solicited nor taken under advisement, thanks,” she finishes.

We agree—we support all parents naming their children whatever feels right to them. And what anyone else thinks about it really doesn’t matter.

Pregnant and dreaming up your own baby names? Be sure to abide by these baby name laws. Some of them get pretty crazy depending on the state!