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Bumpie Tip of the Week: How to Deal When You’re Ready for Baby — but Your Partner Isn’t

ByJackie DiBella
Updated
February 26, 2017
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Image: Getty / The Bump

You are sitting there lovin’ on your little bundle of joy when it hits you — do I want another baby? Does my significant other want one? What if he wants another one, but I am happy with one? Our Bumpies on the Parenting Board shared their stories when when it came to discussing their future family plans. Hopefully their stories can help you!

“Being the one who has to carry the pregnancy and give birth is major. It’s not that your partner’s feelings don’t matter because he isn’t physically involved, but your thoughts on the physical side have to be given serious weight.” — Spine203*

“I think the one who wants fewer kids always wins if he or she is really stuck on it.” — RondackHik

“When my husband and I got married, we planned on having one child. I got pregnant and I changed my mind. I want two. Our agreement was that I’d hang onto the baby gear for a few years in case he’d change his mind. I probably bring up the topic too often. It’s something that’s important to me. I’d love to start trying to conceive in a few months, but I want him on board. It will be tough to let this go. It doesn’t help that so many of our friends are expecting or have newborns!” — MrsCodeMomy

“Originally, we wanted 3 or 4 and I was unsure. After this pregnancy, which involved preterm labor, a month of strict bed rest, and a difficult recovery after the birth, I told him I did not want to be pregnant ever again. He understood, as I believe most spouses would.” — amykins128

“I would like 1 more but husband is done. My want is based on nothing more than mommy emotions and his argument is practical, he is 45, and financially, we can’t afford it. He wins!” — mamarev123

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“I wanted the option of one more but my husband felt strongly that we needed to be done. Pregnancy is physically very hard on me, and he didn’t want to risk another loss. He felt we had tempted fate enough, that financially we couldn’t easily handle another child. At the end, he was not going to change his mind and I feel both patents need to be on board completely.” — Scout2015

“I think that age and health issues aside, giving each other time to make these decisions is pretty important.  I’ve always wanted 4 kids, but my husband wanted two.  We’ve had discussions as to ‘compromising’ at 3, but we both realize that children are not something to easily compromise over. We agreed that we will see where we are from health and financial stand-points in a few years.  We won’t do anything drastic or permanent birth-control-wise until then.” — momkien

“I think the root of the discussion has to be both partners REASONS for wanting more kids (or not wanting more kids). I’d start any discussion of family building there.” — lindsaylot12

“We’re keeping an open, honest dialogue about how we feel without trying to push our agendas on each other.  My husband has already agreed that if I feel like I’m done, we’ll be done.  He is of the mindset that adding another child when one partner doesn’t want to isn’t healthy.” — eddi21

*Some names have been changed.

Tell us: How do you approach family planning conversations?

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