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Kaitlin Stanford

Crazy Labor And Delivery Stories

Birth plan? Hardly. Bumpies share their downright wacky labor experiences.

You mapped out your birth plan to a T, read the labor books from cover to cover, became a pro at Lamaze — hey, you even bought that HypnoBirthing CD. Then your water broke and all that careful prep flew right out the window. Delivery day is bound to throw you a few curve balls — no matter how much you prepare beforehand. Read on as Bumpies share some of the most unexpected and hilarious birth stories we've ever heard.

Surprise delivery
“At 10 centimeters the nurse told me to call her if I felt ‘a ton of pain.’ But I was fine, just chilling out, texting people and talking to my sister on the phone. I started feeling more pressure and jokingly put my hand down there, and — OMG — I touched the baby’s head! I immediately called the nurse and, all of a sudden, his entire head popped right out and his body followed! I caught him myself. There was nothing set up, no bulb, no suction, no chord clamps, no scissors, not a thing! I told my OB he owes me a refund!” —makclair

The call of doody
“I thought I would set a world record for the amount I pooped during labor! I knew it was going to happen because I kept telling the nurses that I had to go. I had an epidural so they just thought I was getting ready to have the baby…I pushed for two hours before going in for a c-section and I pooped through most of the pushing. My husband says it’s burned into his brain. Oh well, he still loves me. He got over it.” —bundleofboy

Down for the count
“After my c-section, my son had to get some blood drawn. My mom turned her head away for that, but not my sister. She fainted and nearly smashed her head on a radiator! Half of the nurses who were attending to my son and/or me rushed to her side to make sure she didn't break her head!” —fauxbunny

Caught in the crossfire
“When I was given the epidural, the woman made me lean on my husband while she got everything ready. I guess she flicked the needle and then squirted a little out first, because it went straight into my husband’s eye! She acted like nothing happened. The other nurse freaked out and said, ‘What was in that? What was in that?’ The lady giving the epidural told my nurse it was sterile and no big deal. Then, when she finally tried to give it to me, she poked too far and had to give me a spinal.” —J+O

Fast and furious
“I tried to go to the bathroom and suddenly it happened: My body started pushing on its own — against my will! As I made my way into the car, the baby’s head was already beginning to come out! I had planned to relax myself with breathing and yoga positions and mantras like: ‘Open my cervix, open to love.’ But in that car all I could think was: ‘Don’t have the baby in the car, don’t have the baby in the car.’ When I got to the birthing center, my husband stole a wheel chair from an old man and wheeled me right into the closest room, where I gave birth standing — hands on the bed, pants at my knees, and sneakers still on! My water didn’t even break until my baby, Livia, was on her way out!” —alysia

> Think you can top any of the stories above? Share your own crazy tales below!