Q&A: Partner Unsure About Having a Baby?

My husband seems to have his own timeline. We had a plan about when we wanted to start trying for a baby, and now he's starting to imply that it's too soon. Do I just need to give it time, or should we be talking about it more, or what? I'm afraid he'll be having second thoughts forever!
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profile picture of Tammy Gold
Updated March 2, 2017
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The decision to have a babyis one of the most important and life-changing ones you can make. It should be made only after a great deal of thought and consideration, because becoming a parent will force you to be responsible for another human being. Though filled with intense joy, parenting can also be extremely challenging, and it’s helpful to go into it with the right mindset. If your husband is having second thoughts, try to examine them instead of push against them.

Ask your husband what his fears are, and what he believes will change and what will stay the same. It’s helpful to establish expectations that are in line with reality. There are many reasons that both genders worry about becoming a parent, whether related to fears about the future or memories of the past. Some men are afraid that a child will take their wife away from them. No matter what your own husband is worried about, make sure he has the opportunity to express his feelings.

I’d also recommend examining your own concerns about waiting and expressing them to your husband — this will help him understand your point of view. Though you may not agree, it will be very helpful for you both to feel respected and heard. I suggest that the two of you keep talking openly about the situation and work together to come up with a plan that’s acceptable to both of you.

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