CircleBumpCheckedFilledMedicalBookmarkBookmarkTickBookmarkAddCheckBoxCheckBoxFilled

9 Things You Didn’t Know About Being a Lesbian Mom

Think lesbian moms are raising their kids totally differently than you are? Think again. This mom tells gay parenting like it really is.
save article
profile picture of Jen Bauer
Updated March 2, 2017
Hero Image
Image: Thinkstock

1. We’re too tired to march for gay pride.

Or do anything else, really. When we get coveted downtime on a weekend, we’d rather take the kids hiking up a mountain than along a parade route. We’re still proud, but now we have more pressing commitments — like the kids’ afternoon naps.

2. We are both the “Real Mom.”

My wife may have carried the children, but I’ve changed enough diapers, wiped enough tears, and read enough  bedtime stories to earn my parenting stripes. Like adoptive parents, we know biology isn’t what makes us moms.

3. Our kids have donor siblings.

Other people used the same sperm-donor we used to conceive our kids, so biologically, their children are half-siblings with ours. Our oldest daughter has met three of her donor siblings, and we keep in touch with most of the parents. It’s a great opportunity for us to compare notes about our kids, since we lack detailed information about the genetics and medical history of our common donor. And we all met through a great website!

4. Our children’s donor is not their “dad” or “father.”

He is a very generous man who allowed us to bring three beautiful children into the world, but he is not their parent. As the non-bio mom, I already get enough insensitive comments about my relationship to my kids, so it only rubs salt in the wound when people refer to their donor as “dad.”

5. We do what we can to teach our children about all kinds of different families.

There aren’t very many toys or books that represent gay families, so sometimes we have to get creative. When my aunt bought my daughter a Little People wedding set, she bought her an extra set so she would have two brides and two grooms to mix and match.

Related Video

6. We aren’t raising our kids to be vegetarians.

There are many of stereotypes about lesbians — we’re vegetarians, we like to wear flannel, we listen to folk music, we drive Honda Civics, preferably Hybrid. Though occasionally I will throw on a flannel shirt, I also like to toss a few steaks on the grill. Our beliefs and preferences vary as much as any straight parents, as do our parenting styles.

7. Our kids have plenty of male role models.

Many people have asked us if we’re worried about our kids growing up without male role models. Given that we don’t live in a cave or on a deserted island, this isn’t likely. They’ve got tons of uncles, cousins, and family friends to fill out that perceived void.

8. We don’t worry that our kids will grow up to be gay.

If they are, that’s great. If they’re not, that’s great. We just want them to be happy. Besides, statistically, it’s most likely they will be straight regardless of how we parent them. Our oldest daughter has quickly proven how little we influence her preferences and tastes. Despite a blue nursery and gender-neutral baby toys and clothing, she has grown into an obsessed-with-all-things-princesses-and-pink toddler. There are just some things beyond our control, and we’re okay with that.

9. We’re just like any other family.

Our three-year-old throws temper tantrums. Our twins have the uncanny knack for projectile  vomiting – at exactly the same time! My wife and I argue. We make up. The laundry occasionally piles up in a corner of our bedroom. Like any other family, we have ups and downs and get through each day with a mix of love, laughter and patience.

Jen Bauer is a mom of three and founder of the website AdventurousMoms.com

save article
ADVERTISEMENT

Next on Your Reading List

parents sitting with baby during play time in nursery
What You Need to Know About Gender-Neutral Parenting
Fact Checked by G. O’Hara
Terrell and Jarius Joseph smiling with their children
TikTok Dads Terrell and Jarius Joseph on Shattering Stereotypes and More
By Natalie Gontcharova
family's hands with rainbow pride bracelets
9 Pride Month Collections From Brands That Give Back to LGBTQ Causes
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
LGBTQ+ founded brands to support the community
LGBTQ+ Founded Brands That Celebrate Individuality, Equality and Love
By Nehal Aggarwal
LGBTQ couple with their baby
What LGBTQ+ Parents Can Do for a Better Pregnancy Experience
By Nehal Aggarwal
Amit Shah and Aditya Madiraju pregnancy announcement
Couple Who Went Viral for Desi Wedding Are Expecting Their First Baby
By Wyndi Kappes
two moms embracing
These Two Moms Just Want to Be Listed on Their Child’s Birth Certificate
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
LGBTQ family walking in the park on a sunny day
These Are the Best States for LGBTQ+ Families
By Wyndi Kappes
Jose Rolon headshot by Phillip Van Nostrand
TikTok Star José Rolón Opens Up About Parenting as a Single Gay Dad
By Ashlee Neuman
baby's feet pictured during breastfeeding
Transgender Woman Is the First to Breastfeed Her Baby
By Anisa Arsenault
ADVERTISEMENT
jennifer garner and her children next to a headshot of jennifer garner on the red carpet
Jennifer Garner on Why “a Little Benign Neglect” Is the Key Parenting
By Wyndi Kappes
baby tooth in child's hand
Toss or Treasure: Jake Johnson Sparks Debate on Keeping Baby's Teeth
By Wyndi Kappes
mom and baby dancing in living room
Kid's Music Ruining Your Spotify Wrapped? These Parents Can Relate
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
36 matching family pajamas for the holidays and beyond-hero
36 Matching Family Pajamas for the Holidays and Beyond
By The Bump Editors
gifts-for-pregnant-friend-HERO
42 Gifts for Pregnant Women That Are Cute and Congratulatory
By Martina Garvey
hanukkah gifts hero
The Best Hanukkah Gift Ideas for Babies, Toddlers and Caregivers
By Cassie Kreitner
gratitude tablecloth for thanksgiving
The Viral Gratitude Tablecloth Tradition You Can Try This Thanksgiving
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
friends giving pregnant woman gifts
45 Best Mom-To-Be Gifts That Celebrate Her
By Emma O'Regan-Reidy
child smiling at thanksgiving dinner
Activities to Help Teach Your Kids to Be Thankful
By Christin Perry
mother traveling with baby in airport
30 Tips to Keep in Mind When Traveling With an Infant
By Nehal Aggarwal
ADVERTISEMENT
Article removed.
Article removed.
Name added. View Your List