The minute you have a baby, you become a magnet for other moms. Whether you’re pushing your stroller through the park, waiting to see the pediatrician, huffing through a mommy-and-me boot camp class or meeting up for a playgroup, you’ll find yourself surrounded by (and chatted up by) other mothers. Inevitably, there will be a few standouts. Here are our tips on how to handle each one (which won’t always be so easy).
*1. The Annoyingly Super-Fit Mama
* You can’t help but notice her toned arms and ridiculously flat stomach. How is it possible she had this baby two weeks ago? Well, don’t begrudge her rockin’ body; when you decide to ditch the maternity pants (no judgments here), she could be an inspiring workout buddy. In the meantime, she is annoying — so definitely don’t invite her to your pool party.
*2. The Judgmental Mama
* Her baby has never had the tiniest touch of diaper rash (she uses organic-cotton diapers) or even a faint sniffle (she grows her own hydroponic vegetables, which she then steams and purees to make her own baby food). Let’s face it: She’s not like the other moms. Try not to roll your eyes at her, and don’t ever vent to her. She doesn’t get it. Instead, use her as a resource for tips and information.
*3. The Pack-Mule Mama
* This is the mom with a diaper bag the size of Texas, filled with everything she could ever need in the event of a safety pin/sippy cup/Band-Aid emergency. She’s only annoying because her industrial-size stroller with extra storage takes up 89 percent of the sidewalk – and, well, because she makes you look bad since half the time you’re lucky you didn’t forget the baby (let alone the change of clothes you need in case there’s a diaper explosion). Do your best not to compare yourself to her — and don’t forget to invite her on the mommy-group girls’ trip. She’s the one who’ll remember to pack the camera and the corkscrew.
*4. The TMI Mama
* Did anyone ask her how infected her c-section incision got, or how long — and how excruciatingly — she labored before her doctors made the surgical call? No? Didn’t think so. In case you were wondering, her nipples have stopped bleeding (finally!), and she’s had sex four times since the kid arrived. Resist the urge to overshare back. One of the many things you know about this woman is she likes to talk — and there’s no stopping her from spreading the word about your episiotomy once she hears about it.
*5. The Paranoid Mama
* She’s the mom who wakes up her baby to make sure she’s still breathing, disinfects every toy after another child breathes on it and greets you with a panicky, “Did you know that this year’s flu strain is the deadliest ever?” We all have a little bit of the Paranoid Mama in us, so don’t spend too much time hanging out with her. Her disease is definitely contagious.
*6. The Whiny Mama
* There’s no missing this one. She’s exhausted! She’s broke! Her fill-in-the-blank hurts. She’s the one who makes that voice in your head scream, “Shut it!” But here’s what’s actually pretty good about this mama: You’re off the hook when it comes to small talk. You don’t have to contribute anything but a few nods.
*7. The Faux Brag Mama
* She doesn’t say her baby is smarter and more advanced than yours — at least not in so many words. Instead, she’s always commenting on how worried she is — about whether her little Aiden is on track with rolling over, about whether she’s stimulating his brain enough with black-and-white flash cards and about whether she’ll be able to use up all the frozen breast milk in her freezer before it expires. But really, she’s bragging about Aiden’s early milestones, her Tiger Mom-esque ability to mold a genius before age one and her amazingly overabundant supply of milk. It’s easy to get ticked at this mom, but she’ll just assume any negativity is jealousy. Next time she talks about how worried she is, tell her how _not _worried you are. And change the subject.
Who did we miss — what other annoying mom personalities are there?
Jenna McCarthy is the author of several books, including If It Was Easy, They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon and The Parent Trip.