BookmarkBookmarkTick

My Biggest Fear in Having Baby No. 2: Why I Shouldn’t Have Worried

ByDanielle Koubaro
Updated
February 28, 2017
Hero Image

Hours leading up to the delivery of my second baby girl, I still** questioned my ability to love and connect with another child as much as I had with my first born.** Months ago, I wrote that my second pregnancy  hadn’t been a connected love-fest of diary entries and soft sung lullabies. It was filled with  exhaustionnausea and complex thoughts that routinely made me doubt my ability to equally love and mother two children simultaneously.

As my pregnancy continued, my worry expanded as my focus was consumed by the child that was physically present and required (okay, fine, demanded) all of my attention as she moved further toward becoming a toddler. I had little time or energy to think or even wonder what baby number 2 would look like or how she would behave. My days were filled with work; my evenings filled with play and my post-bath and bedtime hours were spent reading toddler behavioral books.  How far along was I in my pregnancy? What size was my baby – a baseball, a banana, an apple? All these small memorable milestones I had once relished in seemed of little importance and forced me to question my ability to give of myself any more than I had already given to one.

On March 1st at 7:17 p.m, after just a handful of pushes, Zoey Alexa was born. She was quickly passed from my OB to the NICU staff that was on hand to determine if meconium aspiration occurred. I did not get to see her immediately, she did not get to lie on my chest and her daddy didn’t get to cut her umbilical cord. Instead, the physician’s worked quickly to ensure her first breath was a clean breath. I heard a doctor say “Come on little girl, come on” and I yelled to my husband. The response to my worry was her first cry. At that very moment, I became a mom for the second time and fell madly, deeply in love with another child just as I had once before.

Related Video

Hours after her birth my husband stepped away and Zoey and I lay in the hospital bed gazing into each others eyes, exploring the features of each others’ face and enjoying the warmth our bodies passed from one another. Tears quietly rolled down my cheeks as guilt washed over me. I whispered in her ear, "I love you more than I ever knew I would."

Were you worried you wouldn’t love your second as much as your first?

Pregnant mom sitting on the couch with her son who is touching her belly.

Montessori-Based Tips for Preparing Your Child for Baby’s Arrival

profile picture of Simone Davies and Junnifa Uzodike
Simone Davies and Junnifa Uzodike
Coauthors of The Montessori Baby
mindy kaling in interview about being a new mom

Mindy Kaling on How She Kept Her Second Pregnancy Secret for So Long

profile picture of Nehal Aggarwal
Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
10/30/2020
hilary duff walking outside in exercise clothes

Hilary Duff Opens Up About Having Mom Guilt During Second Pregnancy

profile picture of Nehal Aggarwal
Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
02/05/2020
Pregnant mom sits with her young daughter eating ice cream

7 Ways to Prep Your Child for Baby No. 2

profile picture of Jennifer L.W. Fink
Jennifer L.W. Fink
Registered Nurse
pregnant woman with her young child

Here's How Long You Should Really Wait Between Pregnancies, According to Research

profile picture of Stephanie Grassullo
Stephanie Grassullo
Associate Editor
Published
10/31/2018
Pregnant woman standing with her older child peering at her pregnant stomach.

Prepping for Baby No. 2

profile picture of Elena Donovan Mauer
Elena Donovan Mauer
older sibling happily holding her newborn sister

Why Motherhood Was Easier the Second Time Around

profile picture of Natalie Thomas
Natalie Thomas
Contributing Writer
Article removed.