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The Pump and Dump List of ‘Sad Cake’ Parenting Moments

ByShayna Ferm & Tracey Tee
Co-founders of the comedy act "The Pump and Dump Show"
Updated
February 26, 2017
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Image: Crystal Allen Photography

Meet Shayna Ferm and Tracey Tee, the ladies behind  The Bump Pump and Dump Validation Tour. These Denver-based moms are here to remind you that even on your worst parenting day, you’re doing a great job. And whether it’s via song at their parentally-incorrect live comedy shows or via blog post on The Bump, they’re guaranteed to make you laugh. 

There’s a phrase we like to use at the Pump and Dump show when we refer to something that’s not completely terrible, but is just a bit unfortunate: "Sad Cake. ” For example, the frustratingly light-pressure massage your partner gives you when you have a killer pinch in your neck, the sheets that won’t dry in the dryer at 10 p.m., or perhaps your living room after a play date. Sad Cake.

Parenting seems to be full of Sad Cake moments, so we’ve compiled a list of some classic examples to help you feel a little less alone. And next time life serves you some Sad Cake, maybe just knowing what to call it will make you feel that much better. #sadcake

  • You get a babysitter and have a much-needed late night out and your kid is awake when you get home.
  • You get carpal tunnel from your breastfeeding position.
  • After your kid is really great all day, you reward her with an extra-special treat, which your dog promptly snatches from the table when she isn’t looking.
  • You get everyone packed, dressed and out to the zoo and the giraffe exhibit is closed.
  • You totally forget that it’s picture day at your kid’s school.
  • You’re finally showering after three days and you run out of shampoo mid-wash.
  • You get an hour to yourself to grab a pedicure and you smudge your big toe on the way home.
  • Common Core math homework.
  • You are at a birthday party and the host doesn’t serve any cake to the adults.
  • You “Pinterested" that amazing “Kids Will LOVE This” recipe — which hides healthy fruits and vegetables, and promises to taste delicious for the adults too. Your kid won’t even take one bite.
  • Your kid squeezes one of those squeezy fruit and vegetable pouches way too hard… in the car… while you’re driving… and late for something.
  • You are one of the one to five percent of moms that gets an oral Pyogenic Granuloma (a mouth tumor on your gums that can really only be seen when you smile) during your pregnancy.
  • You threatened your kid that if they misbehaved you wouldn’t go do that really fun thing, and then they misbehaved and you really couldn’t go do that really fun thing.  OR you still went to the fun thing and feel like a terrible mom.
  • You finally get to go on that girls’ weekend with your besties and your kid gets sick. They aren’t so sick that you need to stay home — just sick enough that you feel terrible for leaving and worry all the time — and you feel even more guilty when you are drunk.
  • Your kids poops and/or pukes on you all day and there is no wine in the house.
  • You get out the jogging stroller, commit to an hour of exercise and the baby cries the whole time.
  • You spill a bottle of breast milk (a.k.a liquid gold) that took you three pumping sessions to get.
  • Poop in the bathtub.
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