No matter how painstakingly daddies-to-be pore over the pregnancy and parenting guides, there’s invariably a lesson or two they’ll overlook about dealing with a new baby and a postpartum woman. And, according to Bumpies, guys tend to miss the same few things over and over. From real moms, here are the top things women wish new dads knew (yes, there’s an entire section dedicated to diapers).
Pregnant women/new moms: Print it out, add your notes, and hand to your husband. New/soon-to-be dads: Memorize it. Now.
#1. We still want to feel sexy.
"After having a baby, we never get tired of you telling us that we’re still sexy and that we look ‘the same’…even though our jeans tell us that’s not entirely true!" — gearheadsbride
"Even though she’s now the mother of your child, she’s still your wife and wants to be treated that way." —_ chromiumman_
"New moms need just as much attention as that cute baby!" — harmonden
"All we want is to be loved, appreciated, and told how amazing we are — not just as moms, but as sexy wives too." — Emmajoanne
#2. We’re new at this too…and it’s hard.
"We may be nurturing and maternal, but we’re really scared too." — soulcandybt
"Spending time with the baby during the day isn’t a series of lounging and naps for new moms. It’s hard work entertaining a baby!" — kim*mik
"We’re making it up as we go along too!" — ljpeach
"Just because we’re at home on maternity leave doesn’t mean that we aren’t working all day as well." — kpropes
"We’re not superwomen." — Berwyn
#3. We still love you; we’re just tired and cranky.
"The desire for you is still there, even though we’re exhausted!" —_ Tina12312_
"Although the attention obviously shifts a bit at first, we love you more than ever!" — Soon2BMrs.P
"We get a little cranky, but don’t take it personally." — kathypease
"All the moments when we ‘take over’ as new moms are simply a mom compulsion and have nothing to do with not trusting your ability to take care of the baby." — ChiTownHipster
"We may want sex less (at first), but we love you even more than before." —_ txterri_
#4. Pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding are NOT easy.
"Leave Mommy’s boobies alone!" — lsl[email protected]_
"How it feels to be a woman and have all these goofy things coming out of your body — babies, placentas, milk, etc." —_ bethann5_
"The after-birth pains are as painful as early labor." — HSlater351
"How long it takes to REALLY recover from pregnancy." — kdkdkd
"How emotional and difficult breastfeeding can be. The first two weeks are crucial and extremely hard for a new mother. There’s no way a new dad can ever understand the effort a new mother goes through to try and do the right thing when a thousand opinions are flying at them, plus issues such as latching, production problems, etc." — CoolMama
#5. We need some help…and some breaks.
"We’re so tired and emotional. Bring us a simple meal with a flower and take a walk with the baby while we eat and nap. Everyone will be happier in the long run." — jjampm
"We need our naps, so thanks for changing the diapers and turning away unexpected visitors." — choochoo428
"Tell us it’s okay when we get a little grumpy." — shanstan
"When you watch your own kid, it’s NOT considered ‘babysitting.’" — pielum
"Your support is needed after birth just as much — or more! — as during pregnancy, labor, and delivery." — LinneaAnn_
"You can be very helpful without being asked to help first." — edq143
"Just holding the baby isn’t really helping. Try cleaning the bathrooms or making dinner." — idahomom
"Sleep deprivation is soooo hard to live with. Give your wife lots of help during the day." — impnpixie
#6. Diapers diapers diapers!
"How to change diapers without vomiting." — indygoldenmom
"How to not use the entire box of wipes for one dirty diaper!" — jananddom
"I’m not the only one who should change our baby’s diaper!" — BusterJess
"How to properly change a diaper…and dispose of it!" — ashley17
"Moms need sleep too, and poop doesn’t kill." — auntiethesis