New moms always hear their friends with older kids say “enjoy the time now, they grow up so fast.” I always thought that was total BS, because how could those moms wish for what I had – two little insatiable people who needed something from me _all _the time, no privacy, a slow insanity from lack of sleep, entire days with conversations using less than two syllable words, and situations that would outdo any “what’s grosser than gross” joke? I never thought I would make it to the point of that relaxed mom who at the park just watches their kids play while reading a book.
I wished, just wished they would grow up and stop making so many messes, scenes, and demands.
And then they did.
They walked themselves to school this morning for the first time. I should have been celebrating, for haven’t I complained about doing that task a million times over the last 9 years? And isn’t it my job to encourage them to rely on themselves and not me? Instead, unexpectedly, the emptiness and pain of not being needed anymore by them completely overtook me. Through tears I watched their backpacked bodies vanish around the corner, and I sadly whispered - “wait for me. wait for me.”
From now on, I’ll watch what I wish for.