‘No Guide for This’ Episode 5: Creating New Traditions

You might assume that Kelly Mi Li, producer and star of Bling Empire, is all about the glam, but in reality she’d prefer to stay in sweats and hosts play dates for her two-year-old daughter. Life is looking a bit different now that Kelly is a new mom, and in this conversation with No Guide for This hosts Jen Hayes Lee and Sasha Smith, she gets into all the joys and challenges of parenthood.

In this episode, Kelly opens up about everything from how she met her husband (on a street corner!) to getting pregnant at age 38 and how her expectations of parenting didn’t quite match the reality of it all. She also reflects on the elements of her Chinese heritage that she’s infusing into her parenting—from the cultural tradition of postpartum confinement to special foods to commemorate the holidays—and what values and lessons she’s hoping to impart to her daughter. Kelly knows how hectic life can get, what with raising a toddler, running a hot sauce brand with her mother and launching a new talk show called Stir the Pot. But she’s not too busy to drop some parent truths, or acknowledge how difficult yet rewarding this journey can be.

Keep scrolling to watch the vodcast episode with Kelly! You can also listen to the full audio podcast on Spotify and Apple Music.

Meet Our Guest

Kelly Mi Li is a serial entrepreneur, investor and entertainment executive, widely known as the executive producer and star of Bling Empire. A proud new mom, she balances motherhood with her passion for storytelling, business and food. She co-founded HOT JIANG with her mother, which showcases the bold and authentic flavors from their hometown, Yunnan. She also recently launched Stir the Pot, a spicy food talk show where celebrity guests join her for hot pot and unfiltered conversations. The show premiered in February 2025 on national cable and streaming platforms.

Episode Transcript

Jen: Hi, I am Jen.
Sasha: Hi, and I’m Sasha. And you are listening to No Guide for This, a podcast where we talk all things adulting and also adulting with kids. And I’m really excited because today we have a special guest that I am just truly excited to have in person finally. And that’s Kelly Mi Li. Welcome.
Jen: Welcome, Kelly!
Kelly: Yay.
Sasha: I am so excited to have you. Actually, fun story. I interviewed you for Asian American Heritage Month on the Bump. Was it last year? Maybe the year before. It was on Instagram and I was fangirling. But I was really excited to meet someone that I could talk to from our heritage and our culture. So we’re really excited to have you. And just a little background about Kelly. She’s a serial entrepreneur. She’s an executive. She was also on Bling Empire, which is where I found you. And also a mom now. So lots going on.
Jen: No big deal!
Sasha: Yeah, no big deal. Lots of hats. And also has just recently started a TV show called Stir the Pot. Really excited about that one. That one just launched this month.
Jen: We have to get into all of it.
Sasha: All of the things. There are so many hats, so many things we could talk to Kelly about, so we’re just going to get right into it.
Jen: So we’ve got a segment that we’d like to start with. It’s called Can’t Make This Up. It’s where we see something in the media on social, and it feels like a moment where we just need to dig in and see what your perspective is. So we saw something recently: Kylie Kelsey has a podcast and she was talking about the fact that there’s so much pressure around gender of kids. So she’s got three girls and she’s now pregnant and everyone wants to know if it’s a boy. Her whole thing is like, listen, don’t ask me. That is not a question that is appropriate to ask a pregnant woman. So out of curiosity, what do you think about gender pressure? Is that something that you’ve ever experienced? Do you feel it yourself? Has it ever come up?
Kelly: You know what, it’s kind of weird. I think this is a very typical topic, but I actually never really thought about that. I don’t know. I think it’s just personal preference really. I never really felt any kind of pressure on my end. It probably happens too, if you’ve had a lot of kids.
Sasha: Like Jen, who, if you don’t know, has three boys. I’m sure people probably ask you all the time, are you going to try again for a girl?
Jen: All the time.
Sasha: Yeah. So that’s probably where that comes from. And I remember Kylie saying on that podcast, if it’s another girl, that’s it. I’m not going to keep trying just to have a boy.
Jen: But I feel like sometimes, even if it’s not you, sometimes your family members might’ve always envisioned a grandson or a granddaughter. I’ll keep it real. Since I have three boys, I’m like, I’m pulling for that granddaughter. It’s going to be many years from now, and I’ll try not to put the pressure on. But I mean, I wouldn’t mind a little baby granddaughter.
Kelly: You know what, my partner William, he is going to kill me for saying this, but I recorded his reaction when I told him it was a girl. And I think low key, he was a little disappointed because you see, he has a brother and it was the two of them. I think he’s just kind of unfamiliar with girls. He doesn’t want to admit it and he was like, delete that video. But I’m totally just telling you guys right now, I think he low key was a little disappointed, but now he’s obsessed with her. Obsessed.
Sasha: It could just be like you said, unfamiliar territory of being a girl dad. And he was probably more prepared to be a boy dad. He knew boys and he was just like, that’s familiar.
Jen: But I do think for the first kid especially, I mean, some people are one and done, which I think is fantastic, but for the first kid, you almost can’t lose. But I will say William is in good company because gender disappointment is a real thing. It’s very, very common. And I’ll be the first to admit, when I had my third, who I was like, oh, this is definitely my girl. I mean, if I’m going to have a surprise pregnancy, which is what it was the third time around, I was like, oh, well this is the universe giving me a girl. So it took me about two weeks to come out of my gender disappointment. But now I love my young son, of course.
Sasha: Right. So then we also want to ask all our guests about what life was like pre-kids and then obviously after having kids. What was an assumption that you had before having kids, and maybe what has changed now that you have a daughter?
Kelly: My gosh, I thought, I can do it all. I am always the type that has everything in place. I’m super ordered, very structured. My calendar is everything. I’m really organized.
Jen: Type A.
Kelly: Yeah, very type A. Seriously. So my life is very organized. And then I thought after having kids, I’m like, oh yeah, it’s going to be the same. Everything’s going to be organized. I’m going to have support and help. It’s going to be fine. And it kind of just like, boom, I just got hit by a train kind of thing, and I’m just running every day. I feel like I’m a clown. I’m just juggling and I can’t catch up. Things are starting to get better now that she’s 22 months old. But I just was not prepared. Was not prepared at all. Jen: So outside of just maybe being harder than what you thought, was there something in particular, one of the tasks, whether it was feeding or sleep time, one thing that was the hardest thing for you?
Kelly: Breastfeeding. So difficult.
Jen: Agreed.
Kelly: Yeah. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I really, really tried. My milk just wasn’t flowing and I was triple feeding at one point, so I was feeding her, supplementing, pumping, and then the cycle starts all over again. Then the bottle washing. Oh my goodness.
Jen: Oh my gosh. It’s the death of me.
Kelly: And I see moms a week after they give birth and their nails are done, their hair’s done. They’re like, out at lunch. And I’m like, what am I not doing? What am I doing wrong here?
Jen: Yeah. I think most people don’t know how hard breastfeeding can be. Sometimes you’ll see people out on a bench in a Starbucks just breastfeeding and you think it should be easy, sort of just a part of the process. But I’m glad that women are talking about it now because it doesn’t just come naturally to everyone. And in fact, even with each kid, even if you mastered it with one kid or you finally got to a place where you get it, for me it was hard literally all three times. I mean, I remember laying in the bed trying a thousand positions, and finally I found one position and I just remember lying on my side and feeding my kid the boob and just crying, crying and feeding at the same time. It can be really challenging. Kelly: You’re not giving me hope for my second one.
Jen: You’re like, I thought it was going to get better! Like, oh my gosh. Alright. But I’ll say I do know people that had it hard the first time and it did get better. So it’s just like every pregnancy, every kid is different, very different.
Sasha: Which is what I’m hearing. Every pregnancy can be different. You might have one bad experience, but maybe the other one is really great, or vice versa. You have it really great, so you’re excited to do it again—and then that one’s a doozy.
Jen: Yeah. All of mine started hard. I figured it out. But the beginning and then the mastitis. Oh my God.
Sasha: This is great birth control, because you’re scaring me so much.
Jen: Am I saying too much? But just in short, I don’t know if you’re familiar with mastitis, but that’s when your milk ducts get clogged and infected. I literally had to have a lactation consultant milk me like a cow, because I thought I was going to die. I mean, not actually die, but I couldn’t take the pain. The pain is a lot. There are just so many variables in juggling it all. But let’s get into happier topics.
Sasha: I was going to say, we’re going to get into all the nitty gritty of motherhood, but I do want to ask you, Kelly, if you could share a little bit about your career and how you got started on reality TV?
Kelly: I never thought I would do reality TV if you asked me this five years ago. I would have been like, what? Never. I’m mostly a scripted producer. If you look at my resume, it’s mostly scripted stuff. And I came across this like everybody else, this book called Crazy Rich Asians,. I read it and I was like, these are friends of mine. Real life. So I started putting the project together and of course it went through its thing. And when we finally sold the project and they were like, well, these are your friends. It kind of doesn’t make sense. You’re not on camera, will you be on it?
Sasha: Wow. Okay.
Kelly: So I badly want to get this project off the ground just because it’s bigger than myself. The first all Asian American led, unscripted show on mass media. So I said yes, and one thing led to another.
Sasha: Wow, that’s so amazing. And then how did Stir the Pot come about?
Kelly: Stir the Pot is always something that I really wanted to do. It was a passion project. Growing up we ate a lot of hot pot. You guys have hot pot?
Sasha: Love hot pot. Yeah, we eat it all the time.
Kelly: Good. Hot pot is very communal. And I think some of the most beautiful conversations happened in hot pot because you’re not rushing to do things. It’s not coursed out per se, but you just eat whatever you want. And it’s just such a family thing. And I’ve always wanted do a project that’s a little bit more me, where Bling, of course part of it was me, but it’s set in this world with a lot of parties and glam. And normally I’m in sweatpants.
Sasha: It’s not realistic.
Kelly: I’m not normally glammed up all the time. I run into people on the playground and, well, first of all, they can’t figure out where they met me from. It’s always like, I know you from somewhere. And I was like, oh, okay. I was trying to play it cool. I’m playing with my kid in the playground. And they’ll come back and they’re like, do you know this person? Did you go to that school? I’m like, no. And they’ll come back again later. No, I know, I know you. And I was like, okay, did you watch a show called Bling Empire and it’s like, oh my God, I just imagined more glam. Can I take a picture? I was like, I haven’t washed my face yet, but sure. But yeah, so Stir the Pot—I wanted to do something that’s more me, where I just invite guests over, share a beautiful hot pot and talk about life and culture and just whatever we want.
Jen: That’s so cool. Who are some of the guests that you’ve had on Stir the Pot?
Kelly: Well, there are three episodes that have come out so far. We had Golden Brooks, she’s on Girlfriend.
Jen: Of course, she’s so funny.
Kelly: She is so funny. I love her. She’s great. So she’s been a friend of mine for many, many years. So she came on and then we had Gia Kim from XO Kitty. So season two just came out on Netflix. Nice. And then Sam Song Li, who was on The Brother’s Son. Did you watch that?
Jen: It is on my to-watch list because the trailer looks so good. Is it good?
Kelly: It’s such a fun watch. It’s just so easy to watch. And then Jenn Tran just came on. She’s a Bachelor.
Jen: Oh, I watched her season. She was great. She was so sweet. This is a great lineup!
Kelly: It’s awesome. And then Peng Peng Lee just came on yesterday. She’s an Olympian and now she’s in music and acting. So yeah, just some really fun stuff.
Jen: That’s very cool. Any surprising topics that have come up or anything that you learned over the course of those episodes?
Kelly: We talked about moms. We had also, Lindsay Price, she’s a mom. We talked about raising kids, and Golden, she was so happy when TikTok went down, because she has a teenage daughter.
Sasha: Oh, okay. She’s in the teenage phase now where she’s like, get the social media off. Finally a break.
Kelly: Yeah. She was so happy. So a lot about motherhood. I think it’s such a weird thing, but it really just connects people. Because it’s such a crazy, life-changing experience. So we talk a lot about that.
Sasha: Amazing. And then speaking of motherhood and cooking and your chili brand that you started, Hot Jang, how was working with your mom? How did that all come about? Did you always wanted to work with your mom?
Kelly: No, my mom and I didn’t really see eye to eye a lot of the time when I was growing up because she’s a very traditional tiger mom. Nothing was ever good enough for her. She never said, I’m proud of you. She does other things to show that. And one of the things was that she always cooked for me. If we’re in a fight or something, she doesn’t say she’s sorry, she doesn’t, or she’s not like, okay, let’s talk about it. It’s like, here’s a bowl of noodles, eat something.
Sasha: Yeah, the icebreaker without saying sorry. It’s, I’ll feed you. That’s a cultural thing. Especially in Asian communities, I feel like food opens a lot of doors. And I think, same with my mom, you don’t hear sorry. Never. That’s not a thing. Or I’m so proud of you. You don’t get that verbal affirmation. But with food, I think that that’s where it all comes out a little. So I see that.
Kelly: Yeah. So one of my favorite dishes she made me growing up was called little pot rice noodles from my hometown Yunnan in China. And every time I ordered the dish, it was just like, never the same as hers. And then she said, well, it’s because of our family sauce. And I was like, the family sauce, what family sauce? I’m not a great cook. So she started teaching me and then started showing me her recipes and it’s just been such an amazing process. Thinking back to it, it’s pretty unbelievable being able to make it into a brand because there’s no recipe. She’s like, throw a bit of this in. It’s a dash of this and taste it as you go. So to be able to make it for the masses, that took a little bit of learning experience. And for me, I also want to make everything as convenient but also as healthy as possible. So we don’t do anything with preservatives, no additives and no added sugar.
Sasha: MS G is very prevalent in Asian food. It gives you headaches and all the things, but it’s like the best tasting part of it.
Kelly: So we made a special mushroom blend actually that replaced the MSG. So you still get a lot of the flavoring of it and umami, but without the bad stuff. But I think one of the most challenging things is making sure that the food has a long shelf life but without preservatives. So we were able to use some food tech and figure it out and it’s just been a really exciting process.
Jen: So you taking on new things. I love that.
Sasha: A new challenge.
Kelly: I’m trying.
Sasha: How are you doing that once you’ve become a mother? I mean, it’s easy to do it and be a hustler and wear many hats before being in charge of children, but now you have to think of somebody else and something else first. How do you do that?
Kelly: Getting back to work was so challenging for me. I think I would be lying here if I’m like, oh yeah, it was so easy, blah, blah. I’m back to work. It was so hard. I’m the type that has focused on my career my whole life. And I was always like, oh, after a couple weeks I’ll be back. I’m not going to take a break. And especially working for yourself, I’m not going to take a break. I can legit say it took me a year and a half to get back full time. And my brain right now, I still feel like it’s very slow. I can’t think of some vocabulary words.
Jen: The mommy fog. No, that’s very real. Did you know that you always wanted to have kids?
Kelly: I think so. I was 38 when I gave birth. I think with the pressure of society and my mom, I think by the time I froze my eggs when I was 34. There was a point that I think I was like, well, maybe it’s not in the cards for me because I just assumed, by this time you don’t have a partner It doesn’t work. And yeah, I might have to give that up and I was like, maybe I don’t want to have kids. But at the end of the day, I think being a mom is such a beautiful experience and just nothing else can replace it. That kind of love. People always say that, but now that I really experience, I’m like, I get it.
Jen: You get It. It’s pretty special. And as a mom, you don’t want to necessarily project that on folks that might feel like it’s not for them. But once you’re in it, it’s a pretty incredible thing. It’s like that unconditional love. But you mentioned egg freezing, so I’m really curious because I think that’s a decision that fortunately I think more young women are taking the option to do that. How did it come about for you?
Kelly: I was having so much anxiety with my age and not having a partner to have kids with. So I decided to freeze my eggs during COVID. It was the perfect time. I didn’t need to go out. I can be as stress-free as possible. So I did it during COVID times and I don’t regret it. I didn’t use my eggs—she was natural, but maybe the second one, or third one, you never know. And it’s just an insurance policy that I don’t have to think about. Especially I think now a lot of companies are willing to help with the bill, which is a huge thing. I feel like if your corporation can help you, do it.
Jen: Yeah. I mean I have friends who have taken jobs because those companies had those policies, so I totally agree. If the benefit is there, do it. Can’t hurt anything. It’s the insurance policy. And then also your partner. How did you guys meet?
Kelly:We met on the street corner.
Jen: Stop. Really?
Kelly: Literally on the street corner.
Jen: It gives all the ladies hope. Which corner specifically?
Kelly: San Francisco. Chinatown. Book your tickets, ladies. We were filming season three of Empire and actually I can’t take the credit. One of my castmates and dear friend, his name is King. I love him. He’s a firecracker. He’s the drama of the group. All the drama you need. And so season three we filmed in San Francisco, Chinatown. That scene got cut, but he saw this handsome guy walking down the street, ran after him and was like, Hey, hey, hey. Are you single? And then the guy’s like, yeah. And he was like, meet Kelly. And I was like, I’m really shy when it comes to things like this. And also when I’m at work, I’m focused on work. I’m not thinking about getting a date or anything like that. And he’s kind of the same thing. He’s really shy. And also I just got out of a bad relationship and I told myself, I’m not going to date for six months. I think that was the seventh month or the eighth month I met him. I had 35 crew members and we were such a big family. And they were just, go for it! They’re kind of pushing me. And I remember asking how old he is because in my head I was like, I’ve always dated guys around my age. And I was like, I got to date older. They’re just not mature. And he’s six and a half years younger than me.
Sasha: Oh, he’s younger. When you asked it, were you like, oh no, no, this is not going to cut it. You’re too young.
Kelly: He was 29 when I met him. And I’m like, I’m not going to be a cougar. Maybe a panther.
Sasha: But you look so young. But you were probably like, I need something serious if I’m going to do this again. And I don’t need a boy in his twenties.
Kelly: Yeah, It’s scary when you hear 29. I’m like, he’s going to be really immature. But I never feel the age difference with us. He’s so mature, knows exactly what he wants. There’s no games. We’ve never played any games. Three weeks later, we went on our first day. It lasted for over 10 hours.
Jen: Oh my goodness.
Kelly: And it was just my person. And by the end of it it was like they said, well, we never had any issues. It was always, since day one, it was just, I hate saying the word perfect, because no relationship is perfect. But to us it was a perfect relationship. We didn’t have arguments or disagreements; it’s been perfect.
Jen: That’s incredible. Are you from similar backgrounds?
Kelly: We’re both Chinese, so culturally, yes. Similar background. I guess he’s very unfamiliar with the entertainment industry. He works for the government in San Francisco.
Jen: Entertainment and government. I would not have put those two together. Love that.
Kelly: But it’s just great that I’m able to go into his world and he’s able to come into mine and it just works.
Jen: And you made a beautiful baby girl.
Kelly: Yes.
Jen: That’s so awesome.
Sasha: I love that. Was it in your plans together to have kids? Did you have those conversations? Kelly: So I actually remember exactly when we started having that conversation. I know it sounds kind of like we moved fast, but it is what it is. We went on our first date at the end of October and in December we were together for the holidays. And I think I was like, they always ask you, ask the person you’re dating, what’s their plan five years from now? So without trying to sound too needy or too crazy, I asked, five Christmas later, what do you see?
Sasha: Oh that was smooth. Love that. I mean, the holidays get you thinking of that stuff though, because you’re doing the family things.
Kelly: I don’t think it came out that smooth, but I just pretended. And then he was like, I see having a family with you and a couple kids running around, and I’m like, this guy’s not shying away from it, because for a lot of guys, kids really scare them. And he was just like, this is what I see. And then fast forward, we thought about it, we talked about it, and said yeah, let’s try it. This is the year afterward. Let’s try by the end of the year. And also, I obviously expressed my worry because of my age, I want to be realistic. I don’t want to have a hard pregnancy. And then we got pregnant. We were talking about it and thinking about it, but we weren’t trying yet. Were thinking more like two or three months later to start that process.
Sasha: And if it didn’t happen, you were going to do what you had to do. But it just happened organically.
Kelly: Yeah.
Sasha: That’s awesome. Wow.
Jen: Sometimes when it’s meant to be, it’s just meant to be.
Sasha: I love that. Crazy. And then you both started Golden Voice Society together, right? So you guys were meshing two worlds and you created something. Tell us a little bit about that nonprofit.
Kelly: So one of the reasons that me and him connected so well from the beginning is that we are both really passionate about our community. And he does a lot of work for the Asian American community, especially during the hate crime spree. It’s actually still going on a lot of time. We’re just not reporting it anymore. At that time I also started a community action fund with another nonprofit and we’ve raised over a million dollars. I wanted to also talk to him about, he’s on the ground working with these victims and I want to talk to him about where will be the most impactful way to allocate funding. Through that, that’s the reason why we I think just had a bond, where I see his heart and his passion more than just the surface stuff. And that’s why we decided to do our organization together.
Jen: That’s so awesome. Do you think, both being of Chinese heritage, do you think it’s easier when it comes to aligning on values and what you want your daughter to pick up as she gets older? Kelly: Surprisingly, yes. I’ve dated all different races and I get along with a lot of them. I had some really great relationships, but I think it was really different when the cultures are aligned. We don’t need to explain. I get his mom, his mom gets my mom. You just kind of just get it. And during the holidays you don’t have to argue about what to eat because we might not serve the traditional turkey at Thanksgiving. There might be some noodles, there’ll be rice and there might be dumplings. And that’s okay.
Sasha: Yeah, I love that. I definitely think that probably makes things super easy with parenting too. Maybe if it’s totally different cultures or different religious backgrounds, it’s very hard to come together and make decisions together about how you want to parent. So I think that’s really, really cool.
Kelly: Definitely. I think people do it so many different ways and people make it work, but for sure there’s definitely a little learning curve that we don’t need to deal with.
Jen: I mean, life is hard. So if that’s one thing that is a little bit easier, take it. Right? Take it and run. How different or similar was your upbringing to how you’re raising your daughter?
Kelly: I was born in China, so I spent till I was about nine and a half, 10 years old in China. One of the things I think for me is I want her to have the freedom of being creative. In China growing up, it’s more of everything’s very systematic and you have to follow certain rules. So just for a really simple example, if you’re in class, the way you raise your hand has to be like this. You’re not waving your hand. I dunno if the audience can see me, but you’re basically not waving your hand. You have to put it on the desk very straight. When you go out on field trips in a line and two kids in one row and you hold hands and it’s very structured. I think they don’t really encourage you to think outside the box. So I really want my daughter to be more creative and think outside the box, color outside the box. Not everything has to be black and white.
Jen: Totally makes sense.
Sasha: We’re actually launching a Future of Parenting report, and so we like to talk about cultures and parents. 88% of parents agreed or strongly agreed that children should learn about their family’s culture and heritage. And so what aspects of your culture can you not wait to teach your daughter about?
Kelly: I think just the different holidays and the food that goes with the holidays and the histories behind each dish. She’s too little too young right now to understand. One of my favorite memories every year is during Lunar New Year, my mom and I make dumplings together from scratch and we try to have her on our kitchen island. She’s just there’s flour everywhere. And then three days later I still find flour. It was messy, but it was fun. So I think just being able to experience these things with her, moon cake for the moon festival and just that kind of stuff, I think.
Sasha: Well that’s so fun. And then how has your relationship with your own mother taught you how to be a parent? Or what do you want to take from that or not take from that? And I know she’s in your life a lot now too. So just that whole, the generational thing of her being a mother in China versus you being a mother here, how does that all work?
Kelly: It’s changed so much. I actually I appreciated my mom, but it’s a whole different level of respect and appreciation now. My mom actually lives with us now.
Sasha: Does she? Oh wow.
Kelly: I was the type that as soon as I turned 18, I left home.
Sasha: Oh yeah? You were like, the minute that I’m an adult, I’m gone.
Kelly: I’m gone. I’ve just always been by myself. I dunno. Her living with us, at first I was like, oh, maybe this might be a bad idea. Temporarily, she’s going to come in and help with the baby and then she’s going to leave. Could I be with her longer than a certain amount of time without us wanting to kill each other? And then maybe she could be like down the street. We’ll find a house for her down the block. But it’s been honestly so amazing.
Jen: The help is everything.
Kelly: She loves my daughter so much. One of the things that’s really different was I always remember her being really tough on me. Really tough. There wasn’t a lot of physical affection. It wasn’t a lot of like, I love you. With my daughter it’s so different.
Sasha: Seeing her as a mother versus grandmother. You’re like, why didn’t I get this?
Kelly: Yes, she spoils the heck out of this little girl. It’s always, I love you. It’s always hugs, it’s always, just whatever you want. What a 180! Who are you? Hi, I’m Kelly. Nice to meet you. Who is this?
Sasha: I know you’re very vocal about your confinement. I know a lot of people have been talking about it more recently, about what 30 day confinement is. Did she move in because of that?
Kelly: She came in, yes. Actually she moved in November, so it was a few months before. And so confinement is something that different cultures have, it’s not just the Asian culture, Hispanic culture too actually. The days are different. In the Chinese culture, it’s normally 30 days that you don’t go outside and it’s time that you’re supposed to heal your body and bond with your child. A nanny normally moves in with you. Some families, their aunt or their grandma, whatever, do the work. So it could be a family member too. They move in with you and they’re supposed to take care of pretty much everything. They cook meals for you. I did these ginger water soaks every night, and there’s massage.
Jen: Wow. Sounds incredible.
Kelly: Yeah, it was awesome. And the food that they cook for you—there’s actually a lot of science behind it. There’s different herbs. My house was full of herbs. Two or three days after, it’s supposed to be food that’s supposed to help you with your blood loss. And then afterwards it’s supposed to help with milk production or it’s high collagen stuff. So every week the recipe’s a little bit different. It was awesome.
Sasha: Incredible. It sounds very healing. I mean, you just did an amazing thing. You just gave life, you just had a baby. That’s a big thing. So to be able to kind of make time for yourself, a lot of it is, it’s time for the baby. Once it comes out, it’s all about the baby. So I really love that for women to know more about how to do it, whether they have help or family. Kelly: Yeah, it’s just really about healing. Because our body went through a lot to give birth and I think the western culture doesn’t really put much emphasis on that we need to heal.
Jen: And also our hormones are all over the place.
Kelly: All over the place. At that time, in my house in LA was me, William, William’s mom, my mom, my grandma, the confinement nanny. There was a point where my uncle and my cousin were there too. It was a full house.
Sasha: All hands on deck. Literally. The definition of village. Bring 'em all in. You need the help.
Kelly: But also, I think it really helped my mood. I just have all this family around me who love me so that when I went through my hormone spikes and all those changes, I wasn’t like, I know postpartum depression, it’s such a big thing. I have a couple friends who were really affected by it. So I was actually really, really scared. And there were moments where I was like, Ooh, I feel it. But I was aware of it and I understand it and I also have great people, my family around me. It really helped.
Jen: And also helpful to hand the baby to someone else if you needed to. Just take a minute, take a beat. Right?
Kelly: Yeah.
Jen: That’s so cool. So does the confinement nanny, is she there just to support you or you and the baby?
Kelly: So me and the baby, if we want her to. She’s 24 hours pretty much. And she sleeps when the baby sleeps. But we have so many people that we just traded off. So she was able to get rest. She was with me for two months. We signed with her for 60 days, but I would’ve just loved her to stay forever. God, she was so great.
Jen: Oh, that’s incredible. And I’m sure if any of your friends followed after you, they’re like, pass me the number.
Kelly: Also, the funny thing is she’s now in May, she’s going to be in the Bay area. My daughter, her best friend’s mom is pregnant again, so she’s going to do her confinement. So I’m actually going to see her again in May.
Jen: That’s nice. Keep it in the family. I love that so much. So Sasha, should we switch over to This or That?
Sasha: Yes, let’s do it.
Jen: Okay. So we have a fun segment that we call This or That. It’s just to get your hot take on a couple of quick questions. I’m going to pull it up right now and we have some career questions, some mommy questions. Don’t think about it too hard.
Kelly: Okay.
Jen: Alright. What has been or will be your favorite milestone? Baby’s first word or baby’s first step?
Kelly: First word.
Jen: Has that happened yet?
Kelly: Oh yeah, it has.
Jen: And what was it?
Kelly: I don’t know her first word, but her favorite word is no.
Jen: Oh, I like that. That her favorite is no.
Kelly: Everything is no.
Jen: And was mama or dadda first or some version?
Kelly: Dadda.
Jen: Dadda. Those D’s are just a little easier. Okay. Co-sleeping or crib right now?
Kelly: Co-sleeping.
Jen: All right. Helicopter mom or free range parent?
Kelly: Oh, that one’s so hard. I’m naturally a helicopter mom. I want to be a free range parent. Jen: An aspirational free range mom. Okay. Bluey or Ms. Rachel?
Kelly: Every day, Ms. Rachel! Ms. Rachel! Oh my God, I know all the songs. So a quick story. The Stir the Pot premiere came out and I was so excited. I put on my TV, and my daughter walks right in, two minutes into it. Ms. Rachel! Ms. Rachel! I said, no, don’t you want to watch Mommy? No, no, Rachel, Rachel! I was like, oh geez. Joanna switched to Ms. Rachel, and I had to watch my show later.
Jen: You know what? The kids, they’ll keep it honest or are going to keep it real no matter what. So I love that. But she’ll have your shows to look back on and be like, that’s my mom. Okay. Prefer exploring culture through traditional music or traditional food?
Kelly: Traditional food.
Jen: Yeah. And your favorite is, would you say noodles?
Kelly: Noodles. All kinds of noodles.
Jen: Yeah. Love that. Okay. What do you rather hang around with? High profile social circles or family Only.
Kelly: Family.
Jen: Okay. Your family. And what about your Bling Empire cast? Are you guys still connected?
Kelly: Some of us, yeah. I think Kay and I are always the closest just because we’ve been friends for so long.
Jen: Yeah, I love it. Okay. Work-life balance or workaholic?
Kelly: Work-life balance. Now. Pre-kids Kelly was a workaholic.
Jen: High fashion or keep it casual?
Kelly: Keep it casual. That’s more the real me.
Jen: I like that. But you can obviously flex and you’ll serve a look, because I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it all over your feed.
Kelly: I don’t have a middle ground. It’s either I look homeless or I look high fashion… So one of the other.
Jen: Yeah, that’s how I feel too. No in between. Yeah. I love that. Okay, last one. Play dates or mom’s night out?
Kelly: Play dates.
Jen: Oh really? Kelly: Yeah, play dates. You can still have a glass of wine or two during your play dates.
Jen: It kills two birds with one stone. Okay. Alright. Or girls night out or date nights.
Kelly: I’m going to say date night, just we haven’t had those for so long. I’ve had girls night out and stuff like that, but date night’s been hard.
Jen: It’s hard. And they’ll come, I mean you’ve still got a very small toddler. They’ll come back into the mix.
Sasha: Alright, cool. So we’re moving on to Parent Truths next, which is another segment. Kind of just want to get your hot take on it. It’s basically like a fill in the blank. So no pressure. I’m going to give you a sentence and give you something to fill in. So on a scale of one to 10, my daughter is a blank on the spicy scale. So out of one to 10. And if I had to name a hot sauce after her, I’d call it.
Kelly: Okay. So one to 10. She’s probably a one. I’ve definitely let her try it. I was eating spicy food all of my pregnancy. I don’t know how she doesn’t like spicy.
Sasha: If I have to name a sauce after her,
Kelly: She’s very fierce.
Sasha: Okay. So a fierce sauce. Something fierce.
Jen: All right. And we’re wrapping up now and we like to end each of our conversations here by asking our guests, what’s the one trait of yours that you hope that your daughter inherits?
Kelly: Resilience. I think I never stop fighting, and life is hard. Life gets hard, and I just hope she an keep fighting through it and be strong.
Jen: I love that so much. This was so much fun. Thank you for coming.
Kelly: This was a lot of fun! Thanks for having me.
Jen: Yeah, I mean, you’re just getting started on the journey of parenthood and it’s a long but rewarding journey. And congrats on all the things that you’re doing.
Kelly: Thank you. I’m going to call you for some advice. I feel like you give really good parent advice.
Jen: I don’t put too much pressure on myself, so that has been the biggest gift. You know what? Everything’s going to be fine. So anytime.
Sasha: Holler! There’s no guide for this.
Jen: Literally. Let’s just make it to the next day and be resilient. Thank you so much for tuning in, and we will see you next time. Bye!