Ellen Pompeo Says Moms Can’t Give 100% at Work—And That’s Their Superpower

While some people choose to see motherhood as a detriment to a career, Grey’s Anatomy star and mother of four Ellen Pompeo is flipping that assumption on its head and reframing it as a unique superpower.

“You cannot be a mother and have children and give 100% to your job,” Pompeo said in conversation with Alex Cooper. “You can’t because there’s a part of you that’s somewhere else. You split into different pieces. You’re no longer just you—you’ve been split into different pieces.”

But in a refreshing twist on the narrative, Pompeo adds that this split actually makes you more powerful. “You know what that does? It makes you more soulful. It makes you richer. It makes you funnier. It makes you feel more. It makes you more empathetic. It makes you angrier. It gives you this range of emotions that you can’t even imagine having about this person. You will be yourself times a thousand. You will just be a better version of yourself. And it doesn’t matter that you can’t give 100% to this, because by the way, as women, we evolve anyway.”

The Good American Family star is quick to add that kids isn’t the only path—and for those that don’t want them, that’s great. But for those who do choose to grow their family, fear of balancing it all shouldn’t stop them. “It’s only going to make you better. You’ll morph into that person who part of your being is a mother and that’s only a plus.”

Pompeo, who grew up not feeling very “maternal,” admitted she wasn’t sure about becoming a mother until her husband brought it up. “He forced me to sort of think about it more seriously. You think all the things like ‘What if I have a kid and then I don’t like it—like you can’t send it back, like what happens?’” she joked. “But a lot of people have kids and they’re like obsessed with them, so like maybe something happens, maybe they really do like them.”

“Then I thought, well, you know, I’m 38 years old, and if I don’t do it, I won’t ever be able to. And then if I don’t really like the kid or like being a mother, I’ll just have the one, right?” she added, laughing. “I was like, I don’t have to do it again, and I’ll just deal with the one. So we did it, and then, of course, you know, my heart broke open, and it changed my life forever. I evolved into a completely different person, and I would say I’m so much better for having had children.”

After giving birth to her eldest, Stella, in 2009, Pompeo went on to welcome daughter Sienna May (10) and son Eli Christopher (8) via surrogacy. She continued working throughout the early years of her children’s lives thanks, in part, to Grey’s Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes, whose support of working moms made a lasting impact.

Not only did Rhimes adjust Pompeo’s schedule so she only had to film one day a week, but she actively celebrated growing families on set. “Her best quality as a boss? That’s so easy,” Pompeo said. “When you tell her you’re pregnant, she literally sounds the bell, the confetti comes down. ‘How many days do you need off? What can we do for you? How do we make this easier for you?’”

As more parents aim to be both present at home and impactful at work, Pompeo’s message lands with purpose: with a little support and flexibility, working parents can be some of the most dynamic contributors in any field. Whether you’re embracing a “power pause” or jumping back in post-baby, dive into more advice for finding your work-parenting rhythm here.