Mom’s 'Dear Infertility' Letter Captures Her Agonizing Journey to Motherhood

“You may have been a huge part of my story, but you never defined me.”
ByStephanie Grassullo
Associate Editor
Published
Sep 2018
woman shot as silhouette against yellow sun in powerful stance with her arm raised
Photo: Miguel Bruna

“Dear Infertility, I hated you. You steal dreams. You break hearts. You bring grief. You consume lives.”

So starts Desiree Fortin’s emotional letter addressed to her infertility. The note, which she posted on her Instagram account, captures the raw emotions she experienced while coming to terms with her infertility.

And, like many who struggle to conceive, the news initially broke Fortin.

“You brought me more tears than I ever thought I could shed. Because of you, I laid on my bathroom floor in complete emptiness after countless negative pregnancy tests time and time again,” she shares. “I had to endure shots, bruises, and all kinds of meds because when you are infertile and you seek fertility treatment for help, that is what you are in for. You are expensive and exhausting physically, emotionally and mentally. Infertility, you drowned my heart in disappointment and agony.”

In the midst of all that, she managed to remain hopeful. After three long years of trying, she and her husband would soon welcome triplets into their family.

“You may have been a huge part of my story, but you never defined me,” she says to her battle with infertility. “I defeated you. I showed you that there is victory in infertility…"

Later in her note, she shares how, in the end, her infertility taught her how to be strong.

“As much as I hated you, Infertility, I am also so thankful that you were my story. You made me strong. Even before I got pregnant, my strength was rising. Not only did I feel like Superwoman after all of those injections, meds, blood draws, doctor visits, etc., but I found strength emotionally, as well.”

Most importantly, it taught her how to hope.

“If it wasn’t for you—for the extreme heartache you caused me, the lies you told me, the grief you brought my heart over and over again—I would not understand hope like I do now.”

Her letter hits home with many women who have struggled to conceive, or are currently undergoing this grief.

“Beautifully said. Thank you for finding the courage to share your journey and helping others find comfort knowing we are not alone in this fight,” reads one comment.

Another message reads, “Thank you for this. This is a very raw post that only those of us who have been there will truly understand.”

“After having gone through IVF myself, you have put into words exactly the emotions I know I dealt with and I’m sure countless other women [have],” says one woman.

Fortin’s story is one of grief, anger, frustration, and, most importantly, hope. Her courage to share her experience with others will hopefully remind many fighting a similar battle they are not alone.

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