‘No Guide for This’ Episode 8: How to Keep It Hot

There’s really no guide when it comes to women in perimenopause and menopause. Thankfully, fashion influencer Caroline Baudino is here to change the face of what it looks like to be a woman in midlife. Through her platform Shop with Caroline, she inspires women with her humorous wisdom—and stylish bracelet stacks—and proves that this period in life can be exciting, fun, stylish and sexy.

In this conversation with No Guide for This podcast hosts Jen Hayes Lee and Sasha Smith, Caroline shares the details about her new Dear Media podcast Coming in Hot, where she’s inspiring women to become their most empowered selves. She also talks candidly about parenting two sons and her difficult journey to motherhood, taking care of older parents, how she and her husband keep their marriage hot—and her dream fashion collabs (Caroline x Chanel, let’s manifest it!). Through it all, she reminds us of the importance of getting dressed since feeling put-together is the first step to confidence.

Keep scrolling to watch the vodcast episode with Caroline! You can also listen to the full audio podcast on Spotify and Apple Music.

Meet Our Guest

Caroline Baudino is a Los Angeles, CA based mom of two boys, wife to her co-worker husband, daughter of Cuban immigrants and a dynamic lifestyle influencer known for her impeccable and edgy style, jewelry stacks, and “choose happy” approach. Described as a “cheerleader of all women,” Caroline helps women of all ages overcome obstacles and begin new journeys by digging deep and finding the motivation that was inside them all along! With a mantra of “Get Up. Get Dressed. Let’s Do This! 💋”, Caroline’s real talks on social media offer unfiltered glimpses into her life, urging others to embrace authenticity and giving them permission to be their best selves.

Episode Transcript

Jen: Hi, I’m Jen.
Sasha: And I’m Sasha. You’re listening to No Guide for This, a podcast all about adulting and adulting with kids.
Jen: So today we’ve got an extra-special treat. We are so excited to welcome Caroline Baudino.
Caroline: I’m honored to be here. Honestly, thank you so much for having me. I think this is the most important conversation. I’m so happy you have a platform and a voice because I think moms are just forgotten about and I think we’re the ones going through the most and feeling the most. So thank you for having me on. Nothing makes me happier than talking about this.
Jen: Well, let me tell you, you guys, Caroline is an influencer, a creator. She’s a mom, a wife and known for her mantra of choosing happy, which I’m obsessed with because as you said, we’ve got to choose ourself and choose happy, right?
Caroline: Absolutely. I think we just forget that we have options. I think women for some reason are constantly told, you’re supposed to be doing this. There’s a roadway that you’re supposed to follow. And it’s funny when you start looking at perspectives of what choices do we have? And for me, I have the choice to either hide away, be miserable, be pissed about things that didn’t work out perfectly the way I thought they would be, or I can choose to make the best of it, get up and get dressed, do things that I love to do and just choose happy and choose to be positive that day. And when you really take that mind frame and that choice and you take power over that choice, I just feel like it changes everything. It really does. I think women forget that they have power, a choice. Because I think when you become a mom and a wife and then you get into the sandwich years where I take care of my mother who’s 87, she moved in with us a year ago. My dad passed away last year. And I think no one really thinks about the end and what happens and how we care for the elderly. And when my mom moved in, it’s this full-circle moment of understanding that even seeing her now and today, she sometimes is just so cranky and just chooses to be a victim and kind of chooses to see the negative. And I just constantly remind her. I’m like, but you’re here. You’re with us. So you can look at everybody you’ve lost, but you’ve also gained all of us. And it’s how do you choose to look at it?
Jen: So true. And that sandwich generation, that is very real. It’s brutal. I’m approaching it and I want to talk more about that and all things motherhood. So many fun things we’ve got lined up for you. So we start off each show with a segment that we call Can’t Make This Up. And I think Sasha’s going to lead the way—what are we getting into, Sasha?
Sasha: I love this segment. And so I work in social, I work in marketing, so I’m always looking at what’s happening in the world, especially with celebs and what they’re up to and all the conversations that are happening around them. But I did want to bring up a TikTok that I saw from Ashley Tisdale and her daughter. And it was really cute and I just thought, this is kind of funny, we could talk to you about it being in style and fashion, but she basically makes a deal with her daughter and she says, we’re not telling Dad about all the shopping that we did. And they kind of did a little handshake. Yeah, we’re going to keep this a secret. And they went and did a nice little shopping spree. But I just want to ask, do you do that with your kids? Do you hide it away? Yeah, I’m calling you out, but what do you think about this video?
Caroline: I may or may not have a shopping addiction. But what’s funny is I grew up with a mom who would hide stuff. She would come in, hide the packages or split it on two different credit cards. You know what I mean? Kind of never have that open conversation. Never really be a team. I would be lying to say I didn’t do that too. I very much was, I can do whatever I want and I don’t have to explain myself and I don’t have to do anything. And then it’s interesting now being the breadwinner and the one in control. It’s fascinating. When people turn like that, it’s very, it’s weird where I got annoyed at John for buying something. But it’s funny how I kind of understood this male mindset of like, okay, what are you doing with that? And I realized I would never want my kids to lie about it now. And I refuse to lie about it now. And I feel like there is some deception in that and hiding anything. It’s like if you hide the simplest of things, it makes it easier to start hiding the bigger things. And I was always for just put the box under the bed. I’ve snuck them in, I’ve hit ‘em in spots. I’ve said, oh, I got that months ago that was free. My son finally got into fashion. He’s 14 years old, he’s a freshman, he has a girlfriend, you guys, he’s put in an effort. You guys, he has eye masks on. He has an entire shelf of cologne, boy’s into skincare now. I’ve never seen anything like it. Now he’s like, mom, can we go shopping and can we do this? And we may have overspent. I’ll be honest with you, we may have overspent that last weekend because I was so excited. I don’t have girls. I have two boys. I obviously love fashion and shopping and all that. Now having him interested in a girl and wanting to get dressed and loving fashion, I did get carried away. I’m going to be honest, it was so fun for me and I kind of thought for the first time, I didn’t have to ask permission. It’s my money. I worked, I earned this and I want to spend it on him. And it was a little selfish in that moment. John is like, let’s just be mindful he’s growing, he’s going to get bigger. But I could have easily lied. But that moment of choosing to lie or be honest and be on the same team I think changes your relationship. Jen: That’s so true. But I’ve got to know. So do you think your son might also get into a similar space? Does he have the social media account?
Caroline: Thank God no. I mean literally my younger son is more the personality because it’s funny, he’s more like the techie. Sawyer is John’s mini me, very shy though. He doesn’t post ever. He has Instagram and stuff like that but doesn’t take photos, doesn’t interest him. Which I’m like, you stick to your sports, stick to your girlfriend. It’s all good. But he doesn’t mind that I’m always on, doesn’t mind what I do. A lot of his friends follow, a lot of his friends’ moms follow. And it’s really an incredible feeling to be in a space that can really be looked down upon by so many people… That’s the truth. Everyone thinks you’re not doing anything and to have your kids be proud of you, it’s everything. And to have their friends think it’s cool, you know what I mean?
Jen: I love that. Okay, so just to set the stage a little bit. So I’m a mom of three, my kids are 5, 7 and 10. All boys. Boy mom, just like you. So I need all the tips. Sasha is not yet a mom… Sasha: Not yet.
Jen: But hoping to be one day. So were there any assumptions that you had before becoming a mom that you held that have drastically changed now that you’ve been a mom now for 14 years?
Caroline: I did assume it would be easier than I thought. I will say that the sacrifice was bigger. I didn’t realize how much of yourself you give. I’m so obsessed with safety and worrying about them. I am usually a free, go-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, fun guts going into adventure. And all of a sudden I became a lot of anxiety, really worried. And that’s not something I really expected. And then I had a second one, he just turned 2 and then two weeks later I had another one. So it was like they were back to back. I’m sitting with both and I thought it’d be, the assumptions were like, I’d have more help. I thought my in-laws would help more, to be honest. And it’s like my mother-in-law’s famous for—and I love you Sally, I love you—but it’s like, she would constantly say, “Nobody helped me.” And I’d be like, isn’t that the point, you know how hard it was. I want to help my kids as much as possible because I want them to have some freedom. I want them to feel some independence. And that’s the first thing to go because you just don’t realize the sleeplessness. It’s one thing to go party in Vegas, it’s quite another to have seven months of zero sleep. The exhaustion is different. Having to lose weight and your hormones drastically changing. I became allergic to things that I was never allergic to.
Jen: I think there’s a reason that your friends who may have come before you don’t tell you everything. You know what? You deal with it on the fly, on the job.
Caroline: You have to. And the kids are each so different. I feel like more people now, my assistants don’t want kids. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve met through work in their 20s and 30s that all have said that they are not looking for marriage and kids. And I’m like, I find it fascinating.
Sasha: It’s starting to be okay that you can choose your own path, whereas not too long ago it was what do you mean, that’s your purpose? It’s like your only role. If you’re not a mother, what are you doing with your life?
Jen: The spectrum is really vast, but I think it’s people like you that make motherhood look more fun and more cool. And you can be sort of empowered as a mom. So that’s what gives me hope.
Caroline: I just feel like you don’t have to lose yourself in motherhood. You have an identity. It’s okay to have fun. It’s okay to see your girlfriends. It’s okay to get dressed and look fabulous and wear your jewelry. I don’t know why motherhood became that, you have to look like shit, feel like shit and not do shit. When did that become normal? The martyr. Give it all up for you guys because you’re going to be taking care of me. And the truth is, no one can take care of you for the rest of your life. There’s no guarantee in that. So it’s like, what are we doing? Even on Instagram, it’s starting to bother me, the hot messes and it’s more making fun of the moms that have it together. And I’m like, shouldn’t that be the normal? I remember I once got a DM and I was shocked because it said, your kids must be so embarrassed by you for the way I was dressed with my jewelry on. Why? Because I look so good. And I really just sat with it because I was like, so you don’t think they’d be embarrassed by a mom coming in my pajamas with my hair in rollers, my car a mess, like me pissed, kind of cranky yelling at them. The hot mess isn’t embarrassing, but someone put together smiling, coming in happy?
Jen: I was like, wait, how in the world did you respond to her? Because bless her heart.
Caroline: Do the work and that’s the truth. It’s like, at the end of the day it’s like I’m supposed to dim my light, make myself uncomfortable so that you’re comfortable in the darkness? What? Or because you just aren’t willing to make an effort so no one else is allowed to. What is that? So I really responded like that. I really was like, what’s the other option? You want me to look like that? And I was like, when did we stop giving a shit about ourselves? I say it all the time and I know you guys know it, on an airplane, right? What do they say, on every single flight you put your oxygen mask on first. How do you take care of everyone else if you’re not taking care of yourself? And it’s like you’re setting the example, you’re setting the tone. And for me, I did a Reel once that it was the two options of me just scrolling my phone, kind of being a mess, telling the kids to hurry up, let’s go. And then the other option of waking up a little bit earlier, having my coffee, having my gratitude, getting showered, putting something cute on, that good mood you feel. And then you’re like, kids, come on. Let’s go. Let’s do this. The option you have, why would you ever choose the other one? And why did we normalize that? So I do hope we normalize women being able to take time for themselves, not having to do everything because marriage is teamwork. I am not getting married to be your housekeeper or your mom. I’m sorry, I didn’t sign up for that. So I even tell John, get dressed and get it together. We have to set the example and set the tone. Because I do think it changes your mindset.
Sasha: I think it really does, I saw my mom do that personally where she always wore makeup, or her mom always had lipstick. It might just be around the house, but she will put her red lipstick on and you just see the vibe change in her. And that was what she passed down to my mom. And I always saw that if you don’t feel good, do your makeup 100 percent, you’ll feel so much better.
Caroline: It does set the tone because when my mom did not have her makeup on or her lipstick on her, I’d come home from school if she wasn’t put-together, I was like, shit, it’s that kind of day. I really was like, oh God, I’m in trouble. She’s cranky. She’s pissed at my dad. Something happened. She had her lipstick on and she had her makeup on, we’d be like, oh, she’s good. She’s in a good mood. We’re good.
Sasha: I just feel there’s a misconception that it’s vanity. You need to look good for everybody else. Honestly, for yourself.
Caroline: The most important person is you. There’s no knight in shining armor coming. No one’s coming to save you. The reflection in the mirror is the only person coming. So how do you want them to look? And I want strong, I want capable. I want smart. I want someone dressed to the nines.
Jen: You have to act like you care a little bit because how are you going to help me if you haven’t helped yourself today?And every time I reach for that athleisure, I’ll think about you. But this is a great transition. So I want to know how you got started with Shop with Caroline. How did it evolve and why did you feel like your voice was needed in this space?
Caroline: It’s funny that I never really thought about it being this age and my voice. It really was a moment of, that aha moment where you’re kind of going through the motions and I think a lot of women are going through the motions, that kind of zombie-like state where you’re just fulfilling every obligation and you’re just doing what needs to be done every day to get through. It’s not like you don’t love your family, you don’t love your kids, but it’s hard. And I think there was a moment where the phone rang and my mom called, she said my dad had Alzheimer’s. She’s like, I don’t know where any of the money is. Two years of taxes not paid. It was a shit show. It was really scary. And my hands were trembling and she was like, you have to take care of me. You have to take care of us. You’re in charge. And it really was this moment of, what do you mean I’m in charge? I was like, I have two small kids. My husband travels all the time. I was like, I have no help. Now my 80-year-old parents need me to take care of them full-time. And I was literally like, wait, what? I was like shit. They didn’t prepare for old age, they weren’t ready. And it was just a huge eye-opening experience for me as a mom. I never want my kids to feel this kind of stress. Anyway, there was just this aha moment where I just looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize myself. It was one of those things where you talk in third person and you really are just kind of like, what happened to you? What is going on? And I was like, you don’t look happy. You look like shit. I was kind of like, fuck. I was like, I have turned into everything I said I would never do. I was like, well, you just blindly fall into it because you’re exhausted, you’re overstimulated. You have so much responsibility. You start accepting whatever’s handed to you. I honestly believe when your mind is that cluttered, you start accepting things, and you all of a sudden wake up one day and realize, I’ve lost all control of my own life. I’m not in control, I’m not in power. I looked in the mirror and that’s why I always talk about the mirror. I really did look in the mirror and I was like, I’m going to bring you back. I’m bringing you back to life. This is bullshit. And I went to John, I was like, I need your help. I can’t live like this. I don’t want to end up like this. This is not good. I’m freaking out. And from there, that’s where it started, that morning routine, kind of figuring out those happy tools, those things that I had a lot of anxiety at, a lot of stress. Then COVID hit and it was like, oh fuck, we’re in lockdown. My parents are locked in a home. I mean, it was so hard. And I was like, I have to find my happy in the hard. I still have to show up for my kids. I still have to show up for my parents. I’m in charge of everyone. So I don’t have the option to fall apart. I got to show up somehow. So I’m going to keep getting dressed. I’m going to keep showing up. I’m going to keep my routine. And I was like, I’m going to walk out of this pandemic better than ever. And that’s really exactly what happened. And I think that’s when things took off, when I was making Instagram my personal journal. And I think it was my own accountability. Again, when I’m recording, it’s my mirror. I’m facing myself every day. And I think it was this starting to speak about things that people weren’t talking about, whether it was menopause, whether it was marriage or elderly parents. It’s not sexy, but the reality of life and what we’re all really going through. I think we just started getting tired of seeing the unattainable. We all started to realize that we needed to bond together and we needed a community and we needed friends and we wanted to relate to each other in some way. And I think that’s where things really took off for me, I really just wanted a community of women. I believe in women. And once I saw myself in this situation, I was like, God, how many of us are sitting here? You’re not rock bottom, but you’re not super happy, you’re not totally fulfilled. There’s a real gray area where women are just unhappy. And it’s not that they don’t love their kids or they don’t love their husbands or they don’t love their lives, but you’re not allowed to be unhappy if you have those things. So you’re caught in this, okay, I guess I have to take pills. I can’t say I’m unhappy. And no shame in that, but are there other ways to find fulfillment in your everyday life? And I think that’s where things took off because I think so many of us related.
Jen: So many. And I remember, I followed you right away. I remember the first time I saw one of your Reels pop up and it was a fast follow for me because it was the hybrid of there was something aspirational about you… You’re gorgeous. You were confident, there was style, but also the authenticity. It was aspirational and totally authentic.
Caroline: Thank you for saying that. I just feel like when we’re really real, it’s so freeing. I feel like it just helps you and I feel like it helps somebody else. We’re in a world where women need each other.
Jen: And something magical happens once we start having those open conversations with each other. It’s like, oh wait, you were feeling that way too? Of course some of us suffer in silence, but the minute that you sort of open up, be a little bit vulnerable and we start to pool our resources, to pour into each other emotionally, I mean we can do magical things.
Caroline: It’s so powerful. Once we come together, women are so powerful and it’s like if we would just come together and stop competing… And even when I started this, I had all the mean moms who would make fun and talk shit about me behind my back. It is one of those things that it’s like, what makes you so uncomfortable? What are you making fun of—that I’m trying, that I’m working, that maybe I’m doing something that you’re not willing to do or you’re too lazy to do, or what is it? Because when did we stop encouraging each other and cheering for each other? When we’re young, we’re like, get it girl. And then all of a sudden it became a competition and I’m like, don’t we all just want to be happy? Let’s just support each other. There’s room for everybody.
Jen: There’s room for everyone. And I always say, you guys want to be on the yacht, right? So come on, let’s all encourage each other, it’s way more fun together.
Caroline: Yes, I agree. You don’t want to be alone at the top. At the end of the day, the more women that you uplift, I mean that’s what uplifts economies, that’s what uplifts the world. Women are the key. We do it all. And we need to be feeling good.
Jen: Yeah, couldn’t agree more. And you mentioned community. Your community is amazing. And I love that you reshare some of those sentiments that your community sort of gives back to you.
Caroline: They do. Oh my God.
Jen: What are some of the things that you’ve heard from the people that follow you and the impact that you’ve made on them?
Caroline: This could make me cry because this is the whole, people don’t realize, I know it all seems really fun. The PR packages. Is it fun to get free things and to work with brands you love and get paid to do something you love? Obviously yes. But if you really asked me, you can ask John, my husband, he did a video once. It was like, people don’t realize I stay up till 3 or 4 in the morning answering every DM. I really do. I’m responding to comments. That is the core of your business. And if they don’t respect you and they don’t relate to you or they think you don’t have time for them or they don’t matter, why would they support you? I wouldn’t support someone that had no time for me or didn’t appreciate me. So I think for me, the community has been so loving because I think they really understand that. I take the time, I know who people are. I know their names, I know what’s going on. They tell me the deepest, darkest secrets you’ve ever heard. Crazy things they haven’t told their husband because they don’t want to tell their husband, but they’re telling me and asking me what to do. And I’m like, God, that’s a life decision right there. I’m not sure, I don’t want to get sued. This is a lot. But people will tell me some of the deepest, darkest secrets of the hardest times they have been through. And the greatest response on the planet is my son passed away. I couldn’t even get up. I couldn’t even lift my head from the bed. But listening to you every day, I’m up. I am dressed. I actually went out with some friends. I’ve had women start businesses that now were at Neiman’s, Nordstrom, full-blown businesses, were moms at home that didn’t think they could do anything. And it is mind-blowing when you see the amount of women that are just now up and dressed. I have husbands that, the best ones, husbands that have literally written me a handwritten letter. It was a British director that wrote to me and said, thank you for bringing my wife back to life.
Jen: Wow, that’s powerful.
Caroline: Very. And literally he was like, my kids missed her. I missed her. He’s like, she’s dressing, she’s smiling again. It’s so intense. I listen to messages, I voicemail almost everybody back. I hear people leave me voice messages hysterically crying. I’m crying back because I’m listening to this crazy story. It is the most incredible community.
Sasha: Speaking of coming back to life, how was your postpartum experience? I’m in my mid-30s. I am getting to that point where it’s like if you do get pregnant, it’ll be a late pregnancy. And I know you’ve been very vocal about that. So how was your postpartum experience and do you recommend it? Caroline: I would say I do recommend it because I don’t have FOMO. You know what I mean? I very much had JOMO. I really was like, the joy of staying home. I’m at that phase now, which I don’t think I would’ve been in my 20s. No, I would’ve been out. I was having a good time. I was dating. I really felt like it was great to wait because I had traveled. We bought a home, we had been together. We’ve been married four years before kids. I really wanted to be settled. I wanted to know, is this really working? What are we doing? I saw how not being settled can throw a little bit of a loop in things. You lose the partnership. Marriage is an interesting thing and no matter how in love you are, it’s hard. And it changes and it keeps evolving and it’s hard. I’m glad that we did all that because I didn’t feel like I was missing out. I was happy to be home. I was happy to be up all night. I could spend the day sleeping. I wasn’t stressed about any of that. I will say you just never know what your pregnancy is going to be. My first one, I got pregnant within a month. It was insane. I was 38 years old, pregnant, first try. Everyone thought I was a fucking anomaly. And I was perfectly healthy. Worked out for 40 weeks, literally doing boxing classes ‘til the 40th week. I was fine. Second pregnancy, disaster, puked all nine months, couldn’t even walk without puking. So 38 and then 40 again. It was like the fourth month trying, I got pregnant. Very fortunately, I was very lucky, but I felt really sick. And then the recovery was brutal. It was harder, but I never had postpartum. I mean for women, I think it’s just brutal and I have so much empathy for that. And I thank God that I luckily did not feel depression. It was more physical. I did not feel well.
Sasha: And so with your husband, you were married for four years prior and you recommend doing that. I’m like in that phase. We’ve been married nearly three. We’ve been trying for two years. It’s not happening. We’re doing all the things. But I’m hitting a point now where I’m like, I think we need to just go back to focusing on us. We just bought our first house. We’re in that phase where it’s like the pressure of the career and the new house and houses are expensive and then all the new stuff. And my mom’s an empty nester now and taking care of her and she’s transitioning into that. And like you said, taking care of that. Maybe we need to just stop trying so much.
Caroline: The stress and the anxiety does not help. And I think that’s why people get pregnant in Mexico drunk because they’re having fun.
Jen: I’m glad that you’re telling her, Caroline, because we’ve had the same conversation, but sometimes you need to hear it from someone else.
Caroline: You need to be relaxed. I do feel like it’s, when you’re not worried about it and you’re not thinking about it. I have friends who went through in vitro and this and that and then got pregnant. When they stopped thinking about it, stopped doing it, next thing you know they’re pregnant. So I do think, live in your house, enjoy it. Figure out what’s going on with your parents. And I think just mindlessly do it. I think once you put pressure on it, everything else, if you’re desperately looking for a guy, you don’t meet him. When it’s right, it’s going to happen.
Sasha: I do believe that. Well, I think it’s a taboo conversation to be having. It’s like you mentioned being open and honest. A lot of women don’t want to say it out loud, especially if they’re trying and it’s not happening. Maybe they’re scared if it doesn’t happen. Now people think there’s something wrong with them. Or something wrong with him.
Caroline: When you realize how complicated the female body is or when you’re young, you’re terrified of getting pregnant, which is so funny. And then when you’re older, you realize that it’s actually all those years that I nearly did everything not to. I’m like, well shoot. And then when you want to get pregnant, they’re like, there’s one minute in one day of the month that you can get pregnant. You’re like, what? It’s insane. We did use though, I will say, and I do think it works, we did use the where it tells you when you’re ovulating.
Sasha: I was going to ask, did you want to try after that with a girl or did you have just such a bad pregnancy?
Caroline: I think it was a really bad pregnancy that it would’ve been terrifying. Both were C-sections. They were both tough. They were both emergency situations. It was tough and the recoveries were tough. But I mean I definitely thought I would have a girl my entire life. It did not even occur to me that I would be in a house full of men. It’s like hairy chest, hairy armpits.
Jen: I’m planning to just tap out once they get to a certain age. I heard something about socks and pillowcases…
Caroline: We talk about American pie. Oh, when you start seeing moisturizer, then he comes home with a hickey, and I’m like, what is happening? He has a girlfriend. You’re my baby. Hold on a second. So you’re like, oh God. And so it’s like a house full of men. I’m the only girl. It’s weird. I definitely thought, would I love to have a little girl? Yes. Do I look at all my friends with daughters and think hell no. It’s terrifying. Teenage hormones, teenage girls. I think bottom line, someone gave them that hickey, someone’s daughter that was sucking on my son’s neck. That’s terrifying. I mean you’re kind of like, wait, what? They have boobs. They have all the parts. It’s all happening. So it’s funny. I do wish there was a little girl, because I love the fashion and the jewelry and the clothes and all the fun stuff, but I think God does give you what you can handle. And seeing the emotional toll it takes on my friends with girls. Truthfully, it is way harder at this point. The boys are really easy and they’re great and they love their mamas. They’re the ones who will be like, mom, you look beautiful tonight. Or Mom, you’re killing it. They’re the best. So I think it all works out for a reason.
Jen: It all works out. And then what about, you mentioned fashion. Are your boys into fashion?
Caroline: They never were until the girlfriend has made her very big appearance, and now he’s addicted. He went into my work closet and it was really funny. He literally comes in wearing one of my vintage sweatshirts and something else. And I literally was like, smart kid. Where did you get that? He was like, oh, in your clothes, you have so much. And I was like, what is going on? I was like, oh my god, maybe I don’t need a daughter. So now he wants to go shopping. He cares about how he looks. He has cologne, he has iPads. He’s using my face cream.
Sasha: You can share something that you love with him. It’s really cute. Even though you expected you needed a girl to do that.
Caroline: It really goes to show you. It does work out. And I was really always really sad about not having a girl. And he likes it just enough. It’s not too much. You know what I mean? It’s not annoying, but it’s kind of fun to have that moment with him. And the fact that he tells me and he talks to me about it. I’m really proud they didn’t hide the hickey. He came right home and was like, mom, I need your help. And I was like, what? But the fact that he told me, I was like, I’m not going to say anything. I’m just grateful that he tells me about her. He wanted me to meet her. He invited her over to the house. We did Valentine’s together and we were running around the entire city, balloon shopping for her. It was insanity. And I was like, we’re bringing romance back. I’m proud to be able to say, I think we’re raising some good men and it’s needed.
Jen: That’s everything. Okay. I have a question to ask about raising boys. So do you imagine yourself being the mom who will interject and share your opinion about the girls that your boys bring home? Are you going to be that mom? Are you going to let them do their thing? I don’t know how I’m going to be.
Caroline: It’s hard because let’s say with this girl now, she’s adorable in a scary way. She’s very cute. But it is one of those things where I want him to come to me. I feel like I have to be really careful and I think boys can be very quiet and I think boys suffer from depression and I think they suffer in silence. And I really want him to talk to me. That’s something that’s super important to me. So I’d rather give him a little more leeway. I try to give him the skills to make good decisions. We’ve always talked to him about things. We were not shy. We didn’t dance around things. We talked about sex early. They have friends who have older siblings. We don’t hide those things. We’ve talked about porn, how unrealistic it is. That is not real love. That’s not realistic. We really are very open and I think it’s important. And I kind of just keep telling him, I trust him. Because the anger doesn’t work. At some point they just turn against you. And the girl wins and the wife always wins. You don’t want to be against the wife. The truth is that’s scary too. We rule. As we should, and I want her to. And John’s mom is so respectful. She’s like, you’re in charge. You’re the best. I hope to be that way. And I want him to really share things with me and come to me with things. So I think I have to let something slide. I just have to trust him. I feel like we’ve equipped him the best we can.
Jen: Yeah. A little peek into the future. I mean, you’re not all the way there yet. Wait until they start football.
Caroline: Oh, that’s like a whole ‘nother podcast. I could talk about that for hours.
Jen: Love it. Alright, so you want to get back into the style? We have so many questions. I love your style. And for those of you listening on audio, go to YouTube and you’ve got to check out this beautiful woman, beautiful fit. What’s your favorite thing that you have on you right now? We’ve got bracelet stacks, we’ve got necklace stacks.
Caroline: I’d probably say necklace. They’re presents, you know what I mean? This gigantic, 10-karat emerald. Certain pieces that are my real lifelong gifts, things like that. My most personal jewelry, sentimental is my most favorite. But I love the jewels. The clothes aren’t my obsession. I can have fun with it. I don’t care if it’s from Amazon, I don’t care if it’s Walmart. I don’t need it to be designer at all. I can just make something fun out of whatever. I personally love jewelry and accessories. And then when you can find matching sets for me, always invest in a great matching set. Something like this that’s a little bedazzled, but great on vacation, great to go to a meeting, you feel dressed. I could throw on a little heel and go to dinner.
Sasha: That’s a good tip. Probably for maternity fashion. If you have a set, you don’t have to think too hard.
Caroline: I did not buy maternity clothes. I bought just the bigger size of the few things that I loved. Not anything crazy, but just the few things I’m like, you don’t have to beat yourself up. Give yourself grace. You don’t have to look frumpy just because you’re pregnant.
Jen: Is there a go-to item that our pregnant listeners could wear that’s sort of something easy that they can throw on to sort of give them that little style boost?
Caroline: When I was pregnant, I loved harem pants. I loved the baggy and the crops because I just felt like they were edgy. I’m definitely more classic-edgy. I like classics and then I like to add some edge to it. Spice. I loved the balloon dresses. I just thought they were cute with a moto jacket and a pair of boots or a pair of flats or a pair of Sambas. If you look dressed, you’re comfortable. You got your big-girl panties on, you’re good.
Jen: Do you have a style icon?
Caroline: You know what’s funny? It’s like, I like a Kate Moss. I like that chic kind of cool. But it’s funny, I like a mixture of people. I like boho, but I also like edgy. I also like clean. I like Anine Bing. I like that style. That really chic, simple, minimalist. But then you add in the funky bag or the cool glasses or the jewelry and I feel like you can look really put-together. It’s not hard, it’s not complicated and you can always just add your touch, which I think is what’s fun. I feel like I would still wear everything I normally wear. And those are the touches I add that I love.
Jen: I love that so much. Alright, I think we’ve got a segment coming up that we do called This or That. I’ve got one more question. If you could do a collab, a brand collab with anyone or any brand, do you have a shortlist or a wishlist? Because whatever it is, I’m buying and let’s also manifest. Let’s manifest, ladies.
Caroline: Let’s manifest. Okay. I’m going to give you a quick little list because truly. Levi’s. I would love to have a collection with Levi’s, I would kill it. The Frankie Shop. Chanel—back to the classic. Maybe Anine Bing, because I think we could do something very cool that’s simple and knock it out of the park. And then something like a Nordstrom or a Macy’s or an Amazon drop, because I would love to show how affordable fashion can be so cool. So those would be my ideal. I think it would be just so fun. Even Golden Goose or some maybe cooler, edgier brands. Or maybe sunglasses or readers or something that are just cool, I think could be really fun. Again, I love the accessories or jewelry, I love Retrouvaí, Kirsty’s amazing. Really cool pieces, Necessary Objects, Uniform Object. Like to make a really cool piece with them would blow my mind.
Jen: Okay. So you had a list.
Caroline: Oh, I got lists guys. I’ve been manifesting since day one.
Jen: I love it. So the ones that stood out for me, what would you think? I see a Caroline x Chanel. I can see Pharrell wearing your denim for Chanel. Amazon, you should have had that drop two years ago.
Caroline: Let’s do it.
Sasha: So we’re moving on to This or That. And it’s basically just rapid-fire questions. Whatever’s the first thing that comes to your mind, which one do you prefer? We’re going to start with, do you rely on mother’s intuition or Google?
Caroline: Mother’s intuition.
Sasha: And weekends are for social media scrolling or a digital detox?
Caroline: Scrolling. Shit, a lot of people say digital detox. And it kind of just, now this is my life, this is my work and I really love it and it makes me happy and I don’t need a detox from it. I still have some self-control. I think it’s about learning self-control, not necessarily having to detox, right?
Sasha: Yep, 100 percent. And do you ask your kids to help around the house or do they just slow you down?
Caroline: Ask them to help around the house. My husband does cleaning, cooking, laundry. He knows how to sew.
Sasha: Love that. Okay, which one or all three? Bake sale moms, soccer mom or career day mom? Or should I say football mom.
Caroline: I’d want to be career mom. I’ve been soccer mom and football mom and I find it to be brutal. I don’t like the other parents. It’s really weird where sports, I used to think sports would be fun. It’s like, no, they’re really vicious and it’s really aggressive. Football was terrifying when they finally played tackle. Freshman year, medics were out every game. One was rushed to the hospital. That’s hard to see. That’s hard to watch. Kids are mean. The parents are mean. They’re like, take 'em down. Everyone thinks their kid is in the NFL.
Sasha: Oh, for sure. In-store shopper or online shopper?
Caroline: Online. Ever since COVID, I love trying things on at home. I like to see how I would style it to see how it goes with other things. And then I like the ease of being able to just ship it back. It’s like once you get into menopause, you start having hot flashes, you’re hot and bothered. You’re like, fuck this.
Sasha: 100 percent. Designer styles or bargain buys, which one? You’re a bit of both by the sounds of it.
Caroline: I would definitely say high and low, but now at 53, bargain buys 100 percent.
Sasha: Heels or sneakers or flats?
Caroline: Sneakers, flats. all the way flats.
Sasha: Leather jacket or oversized blazer?
Caroline: Leather jacket.
Sasha: Jeans or tailored pants?
Caroline: Jeans.
Sasha: Shop your closet or shop the sales?
Caroline: Closet.
Sasha: Well, you sound like you have a really nice closet.
Caroline: The sales, I feel like it’s already picked through and it feels like you end up buying things you don’t need because it’s on sale. I’d rather get something that stands out and I love it. Or I do consignment shops for anything that’s expensive or designer, or Amazon or something that’s just inexpensive and fun and I know I can afford.
Sasha: Amazing. And then we’re moving on to Parent Truths as one of our last segments.
Jen: So we have Parent Truths, but there’s something that we have to ask you about before. Coming in Hot. So this is your new podcast and I know you’ve mentioned menopause a couple of times, which you know what, thank goodness people are starting to talk about it. I think just this week alone, it’s on my feed. So important, and you have created a new space and a place to have some of these open dialogues. So why did you create Coming in Hot?
Caroline: What was interesting was when I actually had the incredible honor of speaking with Dear Media and they approached us, it really was about the coffee talks. They really thought that there was a message there. There was a wakeup call to women, especially in middle age. And I think there was something about making that message louder and trying to reach more women. I think when you see the benefits and you do see the DMs and the messages that we get, we knew we were onto something truthfully. And not for money, not for anything, when you really are helping people and you really see the benefit of those things, no money can buy it. So we knew we just wanted it and my dream was always like, how can I make it louder, wider? How can we help more women? So that was really the Coming in Hot, is just reminding you that you’re always, you’re still coming in hot. It’s never over for you. You’re just getting started. I think middle-aged women are the new hot topic and nothing makes me happier. You’re seeing brands hiring aging skin as the face of their brand. And I have to say I admire that so much because we’re the demographic that actually has money, actually has experience. The teeny boppers that everyone’s selling to, it’s like who do you think is paying for that? The mom. I think people are starting to really understand that this is actually the most incredible time in our lives.
Jen: Also middle-aged women are hot, they’re hotter than they’ve ever been before.
Caroline: My friends are like, they’re coming into the restaurant and you’re like, damn. My assistant all the time is, I don’t know what you guys are drinking, but she’s like, since when is 50 the new hot? And I’m like, yeah. It used to be The Golden Girls. So I’m kind of like, no, I think this is the new normal and I don’t mind leading the way. There is a world where you can age gracefully, beautifully and actually have fun doing it. And I think we just all needed a reminder.
Jen: Yeah. Well, any tips for us on how you keep it hot?
Caroline: We do make time for each other. That is something even from day one when we could not afford a nanny or a night nurse or what everybody else was doing, we would hire someone for every Saturday night so that we could have a date night. So I wouldn’t get help during the week, but we would make sure that we were at least connecting or connecting with friends because it’s very isolating. So we always make sure to try something new—we have a list of things we want. We went skydiving, we did flying trapeze. We want to swim with sharks, great whites, we’re crazy. We’re kind of adventure seekers. But just having that fun plan of things to look forward to, making sure you’re just making a little bit of time for each other, honestly. And I think sometimes people think that it has to be a certain way and I’m like, you make time where you can just appreciate that person a little bit. I always try to thank him or just try to remind him of I appreciate all you’re doing or thank you for this. Just because we all need that.
Sasha: It goes a long way.
Caroline: As much as we want to be taken care of and as much as we want love and affection, they do too. And it works both ways. And I think in a team and a partnership, the more you take care of each other and the more that you respect each other, I think the better chance you have. And I think the kids appreciate it. They always giggle. They see us laughing, they see us holding hands, they see us kiss. They will be like, Ooh, dad. And I think they need to see that. I think one part of that for me is why I get up and get dressed still. I still want my husband to find me attractive. I didn’t marry him so that 18 years in he thinks I’m not attractive or you just give up. You have to keep that up. I don’t give up and we still get dressed, we still have date nights. We still look good. He gets dressed. We still work out. We keep it alive.
Jen: You’re keeping it hot. I love it. Taking all those tips back home with me. A shared Google doc is being conceived as we speak, so this is amazing. Thank you for sharing that. Congrats on the new show. That’s incredible.
Caroline: Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. It’s been really fun. It’s crazy to be doing something solo. It is just bizarre. But then it’s like so therapeutic. So I’m just very grateful that we were given the platform honestly.
Jen: We’re luckier for it. Okay, so Parent Truth. So this is where we invite our guests to answer a question. We’re going to give you a prompt and we just want your most honest, raw, unfiltered response, whatever comes to mind. If you could banish any sort of piece of clothing from the fashion lexicon for pregnant women or new moms, you would remove this item. What item would you remove?
Caroline: I don’t like having to look pregnant. You know what I’m saying? Those jumpsuits. Remember the big baggy jumpsuit? Like the linen. The linen one with the two buttons. Farmer. I don’t think it’s sexy. I don’t think it’s cute. I think dress how you normally dress. I think women think they’re pregnant and they need to dress pregnant.
Sasha: But I like that you said dress how you would normally dress.
Caroline: Just buy the bigger size and still wear what you would normally wear.
Jen: You know what, I love that too. Because you mentioned this earlier, there’s such an identity challenge and an identity shift that can happen when you go from just being an adult to being an adult with kids. Let’s start with fashion. Let’s still continue to be who we are.
Caroline: Yeah, we don’t have a lot of control over things. We have no idea what’s happening tomorrow or an hour from now. But one thing you can control is just how you react, how you look, how you show up. So for me it’s the one thing I have control. So I’m not going to give it away. I am going to use it and it’s powerful. I feel more powerful when I’m dressed.
Jen: Love it. Alright, so this is our final question and I hate that we’re wrapping up. I would love to be here day. Okay, so we like to ask all of our guests, what’s the one trait that you hope your kids will inherit from you? What’s the one trait you want to pass down?
Caroline: I would say, oh God, there’s a few. To be honest, I would say compassion, hustler, hardworking. I would want them to really hustle and work hard. Lazy is not in my vocabulary. I find it super unattractive. And also just I think the kindness aspect, the positivity aspect, that empathetic compassion. I hope they’re always really kind to everyone.
Jen: Yeah, I love that. And I feel like your boys certainly are going to get that from you. I feel like your community, the people that are following you, we feel it.
Caroline: It means so much, you guys. It really does. So thank you for the support. Thank you for the love. So thank you for having me.
Jen: Thank you for being here. And congratulations on your show. Welcome to Dear Media. Caroline, this was amazing.
Sasha: This was so fun. I’m like, I guess you have to come back.
Caroline: And we can go for drinks now.
Jen: Done. Thank you so much for tuning in and we will see you next time.