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Why Ali Fedotowsky Felt She Didn’t Deserve Support After Miscarriage

“For me, where the shame came was not feeling that I deserved any sort of support after—feeling that what I went through wasn’t the same as someone who goes through it when they’d been trying for years or when they were 20 weeks pregnant.”
ByNehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
Aug 2020
tv personality Ali Fedotowsky
Photo: Getty Images

Like so many other woman, former Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky-Manno hesistated before opening up about her miscarriage story. Initially, she felt as if she didn’t deserve the support.

“There is shame involved,” Fedotowsky-Manno, 35, said during an interview with People. “I always thought the shame was because your body couldn’t carry a baby…But for me, where the shame came was not feeling that I deserved any sort of support after—feeling that what I went through wasn’t the same as someone who goes through it when they’d been trying for years or when they were 20 weeks pregnant.”

Fedotowsky-Manno shares a 4-year-old daughter, Molly, and 2-year-old son, Riley, with husband Kevin Manno. She explained that she felt “shame in being supported” because she’s already a mom.

But Fedotowsky-Manno opened up about the loss on her social media. “I realized all of the reasons I didn’t want to post were the reasons I had to post,” she told the outlet. “I wanted to let people know, I’m with you.”

“I had a miscarriage recently. (I’m at the OBGYN right now for a follow up). I’m not sharing this bc I feel sorry for myself or I want others to tell me they feel sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for myself. I feel sad for what could’ve been. Sad for the baby that was growing inside me. Sad because it’s sad,” she shared in the caption of her post.

She continued, “I’m writing this post to let others know who have experienced pregnancy loss know that I see you & feel you. We all go through different emotions & process the loss differently. I know that my loss is not the same as someone who’s had a stillbirth or lost a baby at 20 weeks. Or someone who has been trying to conceive for years. But what I found so shocking about my experience is that it affected me so much harder than I could have imagined. So know that if you’re going or have gone through this, your feelings are valid—whatever they may be.”

All too often, women remain silent on the heartbreaking topic of pregnancy loss. Several studies have found that pregnancy loss can have moderate to severe consequences on women’s emotional and mental health. It’s important to provide women with the support and care they need. While pregnancy loss can be incredibly challenging to speak up about, it’s encouraging to see more and more women do it to help break the stigma and feelings of shame around it.

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