Originals Actress Claire Holt Opens Up About the D&C That Left Her 'Broken'

Having a miscarriage can be devastating. Your emotions might swing from shock to sadness to anger and back again before you’ve even had time to process what’s actually happened. Of course, there’s no “right” way to grieve your pregnancy. Everyone copes with their loss in their own unique way. And for Australian actress Claire Holt, who recently miscarried, the way she moved forward was by taking her own dilation and curettage procedure public.

“I took this photo 10 days ago, as I waited for surgery after my sweet little baby lost its heartbeat,” Holt began her lengthy Instagram caption, which she posted on Sunday. “I sent it to my fiancé in the waiting room to show him that I was ok. I wasn’t. I’ve never felt more broken in my life.”

In the photo, The Originals actress is wearing a blue surgical cap and giving a thumbs up to the camera. But you can tell, from her eyes and her smile, that she’s putting on a brave face. And she goes on the explain the courageous reason behind why she decided to put her experience out there.

“I debated sharing this so soon, and I’m still frightened about making such a private struggle public,” she continued. “But I’m doing it anyway because it’s important.”

After having her D&C procedure, Holt wanted to hear from other women who’d been through what she just went through. It sounds like she didn’t know of anyone, or at least not many people, in her life who’d personally experienced what she had. (But who knows? A lot of people don’t talk about it, which is their right.) So, like a lot of us do, she turned to the internet. And there she spent hours searching for stories and information from other women who she could now relate to.

“I was desperate to find someone, anyone, who could relate to what I was feeling,” she continued the post. “Someone to tell me that the depression and hopelessness were normal. That it wasn’t my fault. That I wasn’t broken forever.”

In the end, Holt says she was relieved to find a community of women who were open and honest about their miscarriages, and it got her thinking about the fact that miscarriage is still treated like an open secret. “It breaks my heart to think that losing a baby feels like something we have to keep to ourselves,” she said. “Why is it any different than the death of a loved one? How is it any less meaningful?”

She’s got a point. A miscarriage is no one’s fault. Holt didn’t do anything “wrong.” So why should she—or any woman who’s experienced a similar loss—keep it a secret as if it’s something shameful? That realization seems to be what inspired Holt to go public with her own story.

“Here is what I have learned as I begin to crawl out of the dark hole,” she continued. “Support is everything. I could not have survived this without the unconditional love of my partner. Despite his pain, he was my rock and my safety net. I will never know how to thank him. I also found that opening up to people is crucial. As soon as I told my story, almost everyone I spoke to told me theirs—their own, their wife’s, their sister’s. So many people go through it and understand the breadth of pain, yet so few people talk about it.”

Holt finished the post, which had received more than 822,000 likes as of press time, by addressing other women who might be reading her words after going through the same thing.

“To anyone out there who has been through a miscarriage, I understand you,” she said. “I share every bit of your pain and you are not alone. Please be kind to yourself and I hope that you will be comfortable sharing your story too.”

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