Mom Makes Postpartum To-Do List for Partners Who Want to Help

In a now-viral video, MomToker Melissa Messer shares a detailed list of ways supportive partners can show up for a new mom during her postpartum period.
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By Wyndi Kappes, Associate Editor
Updated February 2, 2024
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Life as a postpartum mother is more than just a little challenging and in times when you are worried about baby, patching up your body and riding a hormone emotional rollercoaster having a supportive partner can make all the difference. So whether you are a postpartum mother who is having trouble asking for help or you are a devoted partner looking for specifics on what you can do, momfluencer Melissa Messer, has you covered.

In a now viral video, Melissa lays out a list of different tasks and responsibilities partners can take on while mom is handling newborn life, noting that her list is the “bare minimum” when it comes to a supportive partner. The list goes as such:

  1. Have multiple water bottles always filled with ice water for her. “Like, don’t even let it get to the point where she has to ask," Messer notes. “Just have that thing ready.”
  2. Stock up the healing center. “Another thing that should be filled without them having to think about is their peri bottle that they’re using to heal.‘The healing center,’ pads, disposible undies, tuck pads, etc, should be stocked up for her so she doesn’t even have to think about that when she goes to the bathroom.”
  3. Wake up in the middle of the night for support. “I know, at night, it’s like, ‘What can I do? Like I can’t feed the baby if like she’s breastfeeding.’ Wake up in the middle of the night for moral support, you know? It can feel lonely to be up in the middle of the night with just the baby … just make sure you give her a pat on the back.”
  4. Tell her she’s a good mom, at least three times a day minimum. In the same vein as offering much needed moral support mom could use to be told she’s doing a great job.
  5. Make sure the laundry and housework is done This is a no brainer. If the chores are done then mom will have one less thing to worry about so she can get some rest. "If this is your first child, you should be keeping up with this a lot … Also changing diapers, making sure you take the baby so that she can shower and nap whenever she wants and stuff like that,” Messer notes.
  6. Take care of and manage the needs of the other kids. “You should be doing everything with the other kids. Checking in and asking if mom needs anything, even though you’re with the other kids the whole time,” Messer explains. “When you have like multiple kids and there’s a newborn and stuff, obviously like the house might just be messy, but like don’t make it to the point where it’s just completely overwhelming. Just be a little extra nice … Go to the store, get her a special treat, you know?”

If you are looking for even more ways to support your partner, not just in postpartum life but in the delivery room too, check out these excellent ideas sourced from real moms and dads.

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