What This Dad Wants People to Know About Infant Loss and Grief

Losing a child is one of the most devastating and painful experiences someone can have in life. But it can be a hard subject for those who go through it to talk about. One comedian, who suffered a similar loss, tackled the issue firsthand in a Twitter thread that has now gone viral.

Michael Cruz Kayne is a comedian living in New York and dad to three kids. He has a daughter named Willa, 7 and a son named Truman, 10. His third child is Fisher, Truman’s identical twin brother, who passed away when he was only 34 days old. On the 10th anniversary of his death, Kayne took to Twitter to open up about his grief.

“Ten years ago today my son died and I basically never talk about it with anyone other than my wife. It’s taken me ten years to realize that I want to talk about it all the time,” he wrote, continuing, “Most of the conversations we have about grieving are very very weird. Tragedy is still so taboo, even in the era of the overshare. It’s all very ‘sorry for your loss’ and tilted heads and cards with calligraphy on them and whispering. We’re all on tiptoes all the time.”

He continued to discuss how his grief is complex, describing it as a “galaxy of emotion” that contains sadness, anger, confusion, and even laughter (at when the funeral home gave Kayne and his wife a receipt after Fisher’s funeral, at the bottom of which it tactlessly said, ‘Thank you come again.’)

His main hope in sharing his experience is to destigmatize the conversations surrounding loss. “Grief is isolating, but not just because of the sadness. Also because the sadness is the only part about it that anyone knows,” he continued. “Not a single person has ever been unkind about my son, but almost no one considers the fullness of his loss and how complicated and weird and everything else it was and continues to be.”

Kayne writes that he has found it helpful to talk about his son’s death, and he hopes that other people going through a similar experience might do the same. He also asks anyone who might be on the other end of the conversation to “be open to the depth of that experience” when it comes to discussing grief.

He ended his thread by saying, “If you are grieving, you are not alone,” and sharing a picture of his wife holding Fisher.

Suffering a loss is a heartbreaking experience, but remember that you are not alone. Talking about it, whenever you feel ready, can help. While it’s important for parents to learn how to cope with grief after loss, it’s just as important for friends and family to understand how to offer support and comfort in the right way.

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