CircleBumpCheckedFilledMedicalBookmarkBookmarkTickBookmarkAddCheckBoxCheckBoxFilled

10 Things That Bug Your Child-Free Friends

Are you guilty of these new-mom faux pas?
save article
profile picture of undefined
By
Updated March 2, 2017
Hero Image
Image: Shutterstock / The Bump
11 slides
1
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Oversharing

You survived the marathon of pregnancy and delivery, and you’re proud of it. Still, lots of people who haven’t pushed another human being out of their most intimate of orifices would prefer never to hear terms like “mucus plug,” “episiotomy” or “placenta” in casual conversation, says my friend Tawna. Save the clinical talk for your mommy group and stick to less-graphic terms when your freewheeling friends do ask about the birth.

— Jenna McCarthy

2
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Abusing basic kindness

Here’s something that may be hard to hear: Not everyone who asks to hold the baby actually wants to hold the baby — at least not for hours at a stretch. As desperate as you may be to get a break, if you repeatedly take advantage of your friends’ offers to bounce the baby and then sneak off to take a luxurious two-hour bubble bath or comb the mall for the afternoon, they eventually will stop offering.

3
Image: Shutterstock / The Bump

Putting your baby on the phone

“Please don’t ask me to talk to your infant on the phone,” says Katie. “I can understand a toddler who can actually talk, but I doubt a two-week-old will have anything interesting to say.” It’s not that your friends aren’t interested in your offspring — they just aren’t quite as riveted by every gurgle and coo as you are.

4
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Making disgusting requests

“I was at a restaurant with a good friend and her baby,” recalls Kristin. “She handed him over and said, ‘I think he needs a bath. Do his neck rolls smell?’ Please don’t ask me to smell your baby.” Similarly, don’t ask her to analyze his poop, wipe the spit-up off your back or give your bottled breast milk the “whiff” test. If she’d like to help with any of those things, she’ll let you know.

5
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Complaining constantly

Nobody’s saying that being a mom isn’t hard, but chances are you chose this diaper-lined path — and regularly lamenting how tough your new role is doesn’t just make you sound bratty, it can make you appear smug and superior. Also, “You don’t need to remind us every 10 minutes that girls’ nights, book club, camping trips and date nights are off-limits now because parenting is such an important responsibility,” adds Tawna.

6
Image: Shutterstock / The Bump

Pretending to pay attention

All moms are guilty of it: trying to have a conversation and discipline a toddler at the same time. According to Sara, that scenario looks a lot like this: “‘Yeah, that sucks that he dumped you, but EMILY, PUT YOUR BROTHER DOWN…I’m sorry, I’m totally listening. Being dumped sucks, but you know EMILY, I MEAN IT! STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER! But at least you’ve only been dating for five years EMILY, DON’T MAKE ME COME IN THERE…What? Oh, no — now’s a fine time!’ Just call me back for God’s sake. I don’t mind!”

7
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Turning Facebook into Babybook

The baby drank six whole ounces! Then she burped! Here’s her post-burp smile! Now she’s napping! While you might argue that your kid-free friends’ timelines are no less tedious, the truth is, nobody needs a minute-by-minute recap of your little bundle’s every breath. Post a few cute pictures (we know it’s hard to be discriminating, but try) and be done with it.

8
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Acting superior

Yes, you had a baby — which means statements like, “You’d understand if you were a parent,” might seem totally legit. Still, says Summer, they can sting, especially if you use them out of context. And even after your best friend has kids of her own, maybe she won’t be the sort to bail on a girls’ night out because her baby has a 99-degree fever.

9
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Making assumptions

Quit asking your baby-free friends if they’re “trying” (to conceive, that is). We know, there’s probably not an ounce of malice in the question — after all, you just want them to experience the same joy that you have. But it could be considered pushy or presumptuous. “Not everyone is Fertile Myrtle,” says Trisha. As hard as it may be, assume that your buddy will share the glorious news when there’s glorious news to be shared, and until then, keep your mouth shut about it.

10
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Bringing the baby anywhere and everywhere

Of course you want to show off your stunning spawn — but not all events and activities are appropriate for little ones (beer garden? martini night? the wedding your baby was not invited to?). Plus, you deserve some grown-up girl time. For sanity’s sake, every once in a while you need to hand baby to dad, hire a sitter or enlist grandma’s services for a few hours and go be your old, fun, fabulous self. Your friendships need that too.

11
Image: TheBump.com

Visit TheBump.com

save article
ADVERTISEMENT

Next on Your Reading List

US actor Josh Duhamel (L) and his wife US model Audra Mari pose during a photocall for the Golden Nymph Awards ceremony of the 62nd Monte-Carlo Television Festival in the principalty of Monaco on June 20, 2023
Josh Duhamel’s Son Axl Has Adorable Reaction to New Big Brother Role
By Wyndi Kappes
ms rachel stands up to body shamer
Ms. Rachel Stands Up to Body Shamers in New Video
By Wyndi Kappes
happy family walking in city
These Top 15 Family-Friendly Cities Offer Amazing Outdoor Spaces
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
family-halloween-costumes-HERO
Spooktacular Family Halloween Costumes
By Martina Garvey
daddy daughter target date
Adorable Daddy/Daughter Date at Target Melts Hearts in Viral TikTok
By Wyndi Kappes
parents on laptop and phone while sitting in bed at home
Parenting Trends: Are You a Bedroom or Living Room Parent?
By Wyndi Kappes
Perfect Push Presents For New Moms-hero
36 Amazing Push Present Ideas to Make a New Mom Feel Loved
By Cassie Kreitner
ADVERTISEMENT
tia mowry and children
Tia Mowry Gives the Pep Talk All Moms Need to Hear
By Wyndi Kappes
gifts-for-pregnant-friend-HERO
27 Gifts for Pregnant Women That Are Cute and Congratulatory
By Caroline Dweck
Ashley Graham Jokes About Summer Zoo Visit and Talks Mom Guilt
Ashley Graham Jokes About Summer Zoo Visit and Talks Mom Guilt
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
bluey tv show taking a break after season 3
Bluey Is Going on a Break: Writers Plan Hiatus After Season Three
By Wyndi Kappes
gerber baby 2023 maddie mendoza
Meet 2023 Gerber Baby and Chief Growing Officer Madison Mendoza
By Wyndi Kappes
Mike The Situation and Lauren Sorrentino
Mike and Lauren Sorrentino on Their Parenting Situation
By Lauren Barth
ADVERTISEMENT
broadway husbands Bret Shuford and Stephen Hanna kissing their baby son
The Broadway Husbands Talk Surrogacy and Dad Life
By Lauren Barth
Priyanka Chopra and her husband musician Nick Jonas pose for pictures during the inauguration of the Cultural Centre (NMACC) at the Jio World Centre (JWC) in Mumbai on March 31, 2023
Why Nick Jonas Plans to Celebrate His Wife on Father's Day
By Wyndi Kappes
two gay dads having fun with their daughter outside during the summer time
What Parenting With Pride Means to 14 LGBTQ+ Parents
By Lauren Barth
New Sibling Gift Ideas-hero
The 30 Sweetest Gifts for Siblings From Baby
By Martina Garvey
ADVERTISEMENT
Last Minute Fathers Day Gifts-hero
33 Last-Minute Father's Day Gifts That’ll Arrive Right on Time
By Martina Garvey
Ryan Gosling and Margo Robbie attend the red carpet promoting the upcoming film "Barbie" at the Warner Bros. Pictures Studio presentation at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace on April 25, 2023 in Las Vegas, Nevada
Ryan Gosling's Daughters Inspired Him to Play Ken in the Barbie Movie
By Wyndi Kappes
colored kids plates bowls and cups in shopping cart
One Mom's Viral Hack to Keep Your Sink Dish Free This Summer
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
Article removed.
Article removed.
Name added. View Your List