CircleBumpCheckedFilledMedicalBookmarkBookmarkTickBookmarkAddCheckBoxCheckBoxFilled

10 Things That Bug Your Child-Free Friends

Are you guilty of these new-mom faux pas?
save article
profile picture of undefined
By
Updated March 2, 2017
Hero Image
Image: Shutterstock / The Bump
11 slides
1
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Oversharing

You survived the marathon of pregnancy and delivery, and you’re proud of it. Still, lots of people who haven’t pushed another human being out of their most intimate of orifices would prefer never to hear terms like “mucus plug,” “episiotomy” or “placenta” in casual conversation, says my friend Tawna. Save the clinical talk for your mommy group and stick to less-graphic terms when your freewheeling friends do ask about the birth.

— Jenna McCarthy

2
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Abusing basic kindness

Here’s something that may be hard to hear: Not everyone who asks to hold the baby actually wants to hold the baby — at least not for hours at a stretch. As desperate as you may be to get a break, if you repeatedly take advantage of your friends’ offers to bounce the baby and then sneak off to take a luxurious two-hour bubble bath or comb the mall for the afternoon, they eventually will stop offering.

3
Image: Shutterstock / The Bump

Putting your baby on the phone

“Please don’t ask me to talk to your infant on the phone,” says Katie. “I can understand a toddler who can actually talk, but I doubt a two-week-old will have anything interesting to say.” It’s not that your friends aren’t interested in your offspring — they just aren’t quite as riveted by every gurgle and coo as you are.

4
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Making disgusting requests

“I was at a restaurant with a good friend and her baby,” recalls Kristin. “She handed him over and said, ‘I think he needs a bath. Do his neck rolls smell?’ Please don’t ask me to smell your baby.” Similarly, don’t ask her to analyze his poop, wipe the spit-up off your back or give your bottled breast milk the “whiff” test. If she’d like to help with any of those things, she’ll let you know.

5
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Complaining constantly

Nobody’s saying that being a mom isn’t hard, but chances are you chose this diaper-lined path — and regularly lamenting how tough your new role is doesn’t just make you sound bratty, it can make you appear smug and superior. Also, “You don’t need to remind us every 10 minutes that girls’ nights, book club, camping trips and date nights are off-limits now because parenting is such an important responsibility,” adds Tawna.

6
Image: Shutterstock / The Bump

Pretending to pay attention

All moms are guilty of it: trying to have a conversation and discipline a toddler at the same time. According to Sara, that scenario looks a lot like this: “‘Yeah, that sucks that he dumped you, but EMILY, PUT YOUR BROTHER DOWN…I’m sorry, I’m totally listening. Being dumped sucks, but you know EMILY, I MEAN IT! STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER! But at least you’ve only been dating for five years EMILY, DON’T MAKE ME COME IN THERE…What? Oh, no — now’s a fine time!’ Just call me back for God’s sake. I don’t mind!”

7
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Turning Facebook into Babybook

The baby drank six whole ounces! Then she burped! Here’s her post-burp smile! Now she’s napping! While you might argue that your kid-free friends’ timelines are no less tedious, the truth is, nobody needs a minute-by-minute recap of your little bundle’s every breath. Post a few cute pictures (we know it’s hard to be discriminating, but try) and be done with it.

8
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Acting superior

Yes, you had a baby — which means statements like, “You’d understand if you were a parent,” might seem totally legit. Still, says Summer, they can sting, especially if you use them out of context. And even after your best friend has kids of her own, maybe she won’t be the sort to bail on a girls’ night out because her baby has a 99-degree fever.

9
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Making assumptions

Quit asking your baby-free friends if they’re “trying” (to conceive, that is). We know, there’s probably not an ounce of malice in the question — after all, you just want them to experience the same joy that you have. But it could be considered pushy or presumptuous. “Not everyone is Fertile Myrtle,” says Trisha. As hard as it may be, assume that your buddy will share the glorious news when there’s glorious news to be shared, and until then, keep your mouth shut about it.

10
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

Bringing the baby anywhere and everywhere

Of course you want to show off your stunning spawn — but not all events and activities are appropriate for little ones (beer garden? martini night? the wedding your baby was not invited to?). Plus, you deserve some grown-up girl time. For sanity’s sake, every once in a while you need to hand baby to dad, hire a sitter or enlist grandma’s services for a few hours and go be your old, fun, fabulous self. Your friendships need that too.

11
Image: TheBump.com

Visit TheBump.com

save article
ADVERTISEMENT

Next on Your Reading List

nate burleson and family
Nate Burleson on His Ideal Father’s Day and Parenting Philosophy
By Wyndi Kappes
mom disciplining toddler at home
Moms Share Parenting Things They’re ‘Done With’ in Viral Video
By Wyndi Kappes
mom and dad walking with baby stroller through park
These Are the Best US Cities to Raise a Family in 2024, Study Says
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
Busy Phillips on the TODAY show Wednesday, May 1, 2024
Busy Philipps Says Her ADHD Treatment Has Helped Her Be a Better Mom
By Wyndi Kappes
allison kuch and baby at home
Allison Kuch Spills Her Parenting Secrets and Plans to Grow Her Family
By Wyndi Kappes
dad kissing baby at home
The Best Gifts for New Dads to Suit Any Budget
By Emma O'Regan-Reidy
group of diverse babies
The Search for the 2024 Gerber Baby Has Officially Begun
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
toddler putting toys away
Psychologist’s Hack for Getting Your Kids to Help Around the House
By Wyndi Kappes
Advertisement
grandparents helping mom and dad in the kitchen with new baby
Parents Get Real: What Is (and Isn’t) Helpful When Welcoming Baby
By Anna Davies
woman taking a five dollar bill out of wallet
Mom Asks First Birthday Guests to Bring $5 for Remodel Instead of Gift
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
mother reading a book with 3 children at home
Mom Warns Parents the 2 to 3 Kid Transition Is No Joke in Viral TikTok
By Wyndi Kappes
Jennifer Garner attends the Los Angeles premiere of Netflix's "Family Switch" at AMC The Grove 14 on November 29, 2023 in Los Angeles, California
The One Thing Jennifer Garner Asks for Every Mother’s Day
By Wyndi Kappes
grandpa and grandma holding baby
These Are the Most Popular Nicknames for Grandparents in the US
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
baby standing next to stroller in front of the eiffel towel in paris france
These Are the Best Cities in the World to Raise a Family, Report Says
By Wyndi Kappes
Paris hilton and husband
Paris Hilton Shares a First Look at Her Family of Four
By Wyndi Kappes
parents talking to sad child
Study Reveals the Negative Words Parents Use and How They Affect Kids
By Wyndi Kappes
friends giving pregnant woman gifts
The Best Mom-To-Be Gifts to Celebrate Her
By Emma O'Regan-Reidy
ADVERTISEMENT
Rihanna attends the FENTY x PUMA sneaker launch party at NeueHouse Los Angeles on December 18, 2023 in Hollywood, California
Rihanna Says She Wants More Kids: ‘as Many as God Wants Me to Have’
By Wyndi Kappes
New Mom Gifts
The Best Gifts for New Moms to Make Her Feel Loved
By Martina Garvey
leah nicole weiher and toddler daughter in hospital bed after paralyzing accident
Mom Learns to Walk Again Alongside Her Toddler After Accident
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
Article removed.
Article removed.
Name added. View Your List