45 Dad Jokes So Awful They’re Awesome

For the dads looking to embarrass their kids, make others groan with glee or just amuse themselves, we’ve got all the best dad jokes to get the LOL job done.
ByCarrie Anton
May 30, 2017
Phil Dunphy dad jokes
Image: ABC

They may make you groan, but you must admit that even corny dad jokes require a certain level of finesse. After all, dad jokes combine a level of wordplay and pun mastery that few people can pull off. And yes, part of the artistry of dad jokes is that they’re just really bad jokes, but that doesn’t mean dad jokes aren’t a rite of passage for dudes transitioning into dadhood. In fact, a man knows he’s become a welcome member of the father society when funny dad jokes (or more honestly, cheesy dad jokes) roll off the tongue with little effort.

Haven’t hit your dad jokes stride even though you’re a family man? Don’t fret. From bad dad jokes to funny dad jokes, we have all the dad jokes and one-liners you’ll need to give your kids and family a groan-worthy chuckle.

  1. When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punch line becomes apparent. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  2. How long does it take to make butter? An echurnity! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  3. What do you call someone who dresses up like a noodle? An impasta! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  4. Why can’t two elephants go swimming? Because they only have one pair of trunks. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  5. “I drew up plans for Duckingham Palace, but I can’t find them. So I guess we’ll just have to ‘wing’ it.” —Phil Dunphy, Modern Family
  6. What rhymes with orange? No it doesn’t. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  7. Me: “Did you get a haircut?” Dad: “No, I got them all cut.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  8. Monica: “Okay, I’ve got a leg, three breasts and a wing.” Chandler: “How do you find clothes that fit?” —Chandler Bing, Friends
  9. When is the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  10. What do you call a person who tells dad jokes but has no kids? A faux pa. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  11. Russ: “Dad, this tree won’t fit in our backyard.” Clark: “It’s not going in the yard, Russ. It’s going in the living room.” —Clark Griswold, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
  12. The inventor of the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  13. “Sorry, I was all up in your grill about cooking yesterday.” —Bob Belcher, Bob’s Burgers
  14. A genie asked, “What’s your first wish?” Steve answered, “I wish I was rich.” And the genie said, “What’s your second wish, Rich.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  15. Daughter: “Daddy, why didn’t I get a sunburn?” Dad: “You can’t, honey?” Daughter: “Really?” Dad: “You can only get a daughterburn.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  16. Pam: “We’re hoping our interview seals the deal.” Jim: “If not, there’s always the army…the infantry.” —Jim Halpert, The Office
  17. To the guy who invented the zero… Thanks for nothing. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  18. I told my husband I hate my haircut. He replied, “Don’t worry, it’ll grow on you.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  19. What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  20. “Call me Delta Airlines ‘cause I can’t handle your extra baggage!” —Ned Flanders, The Simpsons
  21. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  22. My 3-year-old son said, “Put my shoes on.” I told him, “I think my feet are too big.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  23. “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.” —Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation
  24. I asked my dad if he could put the cat out. He replied, “I didn’t know it was on fire.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  25. I’ll do algebra, tackle geometry, maybe even a little calculus… But graphing is where I draw the line. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  26. Kathy: “Wow, you have really gorgeous hair.” Chandler: “Thanks, I grow it myself.” —Chandler Bing, Friends
  27. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  28. Have you heard the joke about paper? Good that you haven’t, it’s tearable! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  29. How much did the pirate’s new earrings cost him? A buccaneer! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  30. Why did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  31. “It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
  32. Clark: “I’ll have a coke.” Flight attendant: “Do you want that in the can?” Clark: “No, I’ll have it right here.” —Clark Griswold, National Lampoon’s European Vacation
  33. Dad, did you get shot in the army? No, son. I only got shot in the leggy. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  34. “Act like a parent. Talk like a peer. It’s called ‘peer-enting.’” —Phil Dunphy, Modern Family
  35. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  36. Bert: “Ernie, how do I look?” Ernie: “With your eyes, Bert.” —Ernie, Sesame Street
  37. A guy walked into a bar… And was disqualified from the limbo contest. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  38. I used to have a job collecting leaves. I was raking it in. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  39. Most comedians are good, trustworthy people. Yep, they’re a bunch of stand-up guys. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  40. What’s Forrest Gump’s Gmail password? 1forrest1 —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  41. Phoebe: “Do you guys know any chicks?” Chandler: “Fowl? No. Women? No.” —Chandler Bing, Friends
  42. A nurse told me, “Sorry for the wait!” I replied, “It’s alright, I’m patient.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  43. Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it’s the scenter. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
  44. “Dance until your feet hurt. Sing until your lungs hurt. Act until you’re William Hurt.” —Phil Dunphy, Modern Family
  45. What happens if a frog parks illegally? They get toad. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes
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