45 Dad Jokes So Awful They’re Awesome

For the dads looking to embarrass their kids, make others groan with glee or just amuse themselves, we’ve got all the best dad jokes to get the LOL job done.
save article
profile picture of Carrie Anton
Published May 30, 2017
Phil Dunphy dad jokes
Image: ABC

They may make you groan, but you must admit that even corny dad jokes require a certain level of finesse. After all, dad jokes combine a level of wordplay and pun mastery that few people can pull off. And yes, part of the artistry of dad jokes is that they’re just really bad jokes, but that doesn’t mean dad jokes aren’t a rite of passage for dudes transitioning into dadhood. In fact, a man knows he’s become a welcome member of the father society when funny dad jokes (or more honestly, cheesy dad jokes) roll off the tongue with little effort.

Haven’t hit your dad jokes stride even though you’re a family man? Don’t fret. From bad dad jokes to funny dad jokes, we have all the dad jokes and one-liners you’ll need to give your kids and family a groan-worthy chuckle.

  1. When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punch line becomes apparent. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  2. How long does it take to make butter? An echurnity! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  3. What do you call someone who dresses up like a noodle? An impasta! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  4. Why can’t two elephants go swimming? Because they only have one pair of trunks. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  5. “I drew up plans for Duckingham Palace, but I can’t find them. So I guess we’ll just have to ‘wing’ it.” —Phil Dunphy, Modern Family

  6. What rhymes with orange? No it doesn’t. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  7. Me: “Did you get a haircut?” Dad: “No, I got them all cut.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  8. Monica: “Okay, I’ve got a leg, three breasts and a wing.” Chandler: “How do you find clothes that fit?” —Chandler Bing, Friends

  9. When is the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  10. What do you call a person who tells dad jokes but has no kids? A faux pa. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  11. Russ: “Dad, this tree won’t fit in our backyard.” Clark: “It’s not going in the yard, Russ. It’s going in the living room.” —Clark Griswold, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

  12. The inventor of the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  13. “Sorry, I was all up in your grill about cooking yesterday.” —Bob Belcher, Bob’s Burgers

  14. A genie asked, “What’s your first wish?” Steve answered, “I wish I was rich.” And the genie said, “What’s your second wish, Rich.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  15. Daughter: “Daddy, why didn’t I get a sunburn?” Dad: “You can’t, honey?” Daughter: “Really?” Dad: “You can only get a daughterburn.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  16. Pam: “We’re hoping our interview seals the deal.” Jim: “If not, there’s always the army…the infantry.” —Jim Halpert, The Office

  17. To the guy who invented the zero… Thanks for nothing. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  18. I told my husband I hate my haircut. He replied, “Don’t worry, it’ll grow on you.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  19. What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  20. “Call me Delta Airlines ‘cause I can’t handle your extra baggage!” —Ned Flanders, The Simpsons

  21. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  22. My 3-year-old son said, “Put my shoes on.” I told him, “I think my feet are too big.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  23. “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.” —Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation

  24. I asked my dad if he could put the cat out. He replied, “I didn’t know it was on fire.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  25. I’ll do algebra, tackle geometry, maybe even a little calculus… But graphing is where I draw the line. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  26. Kathy: “Wow, you have really gorgeous hair.” Chandler: “Thanks, I grow it myself.” —Chandler Bing, Friends

  27. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  28. Have you heard the joke about paper? Good that you haven’t, it’s tearable! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  29. How much did the pirate’s new earrings cost him? A buccaneer! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  30. Why did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  31. “It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

  32. Clark: “I’ll have a coke.” Flight attendant: “Do you want that in the can?” Clark: “No, I’ll have it right here.” —Clark Griswold, National Lampoon’s European Vacation

  33. Dad, did you get shot in the army? No, son. I only got shot in the leggy. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  34. “Act like a parent. Talk like a peer. It’s called ‘peer-enting.’” —Phil Dunphy, Modern Family

  35. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  36. Bert: “Ernie, how do I look?” Ernie: “With your eyes, Bert.” —Ernie, Sesame Street

  37. A guy walked into a bar… And was disqualified from the limbo contest. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  38. I used to have a job collecting leaves. I was raking it in. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  39. Most comedians are good, trustworthy people. Yep, they’re a bunch of stand-up guys. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  40. What’s Forrest Gump’s Gmail password? 1forrest1 —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  41. Phoebe: “Do you guys know any chicks?” Chandler: “Fowl? No. Women? No.” —Chandler Bing, Friends

  42. A nurse told me, “Sorry for the wait!” I replied, “It’s alright, I’m patient.” —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  43. Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it’s the scenter. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

  44. “Dance until your feet hurt. Sing until your lungs hurt. Act until you’re William Hurt.” —Phil Dunphy, Modern Family

  45. What happens if a frog parks illegally? They get toad. —Submitted to Reddit Dad Jokes

save article

Next on Your Reading List

mom sitting with baby outside of home on summer day
Summer Babies Can Come With Some Serious FOMO, Mom Explains
By Wyndi Kappes
hilary duff struggles with balancing time with newborn and other kids
Hilary Duff on Balancing Time With a Newborn and Older Kids
By Wyndi Kappes
gerber baby 2024 sonny mcleod
Meet 2024 Gerber Baby and Chief Growing Officer Akil "Sonny" McLeod
By Wyndi Kappes
mother and father cuddling newborn baby in hospital bed after labor and delivery
40 Amazing Push Present Ideas to Make a New Mom Feel Loved
By Martina Garvey
chrissy teigen speaking at the aura digital parenthood summit event
Why Chrissy Teigen Believes in Sharing Messy Parenting Moments Online
By Wyndi Kappes
nate burleson and family
Nate Burleson on His Ideal Father’s Day and Parenting Philosophy
By Wyndi Kappes
mom disciplining toddler at home
Moms Share Parenting Things They’re ‘Done With’ in Viral Video
By Wyndi Kappes
mom and dad walking with baby stroller through park
These Are the Best US Cities to Raise a Family in 2024, Study Says
By Wyndi Kappes
Busy Phillips on the TODAY show Wednesday, May 1, 2024
Busy Philipps Says Her ADHD Treatment Has Helped Her Be a Better Mom
By Wyndi Kappes
allison kuch and baby at home
Allison Kuch Spills Her Parenting Secrets and Plans to Grow Her Family
By Wyndi Kappes
dad kissing baby at home
The Best Gifts for New Dads to Suit Any Budget
By Emma O'Regan-Reidy
toddler putting toys away
Psychologist’s Hack for Getting Your Kids to Help Around the House
By Wyndi Kappes
grandparents helping mom and dad in the kitchen with new baby
Parents Get Real: What Is (and Isn’t) Helpful When Welcoming Baby
By Anna Davies
woman taking a five dollar bill out of wallet
Mom Asks First Birthday Guests to Bring $5 for Remodel Instead of Gift
By Wyndi Kappes
mother reading a book with 3 children at home
Mom Warns Parents the 2 to 3 Kid Transition Is No Joke in Viral TikTok
By Wyndi Kappes
Jennifer Garner attends the Los Angeles premiere of Netflix's "Family Switch" at AMC The Grove 14 on November 29, 2023 in Los Angeles, California
The One Thing Jennifer Garner Asks for Every Mother’s Day
By Wyndi Kappes
grandpa and grandma holding baby
These Are the Most Popular Nicknames for Grandparents in the US
By Wyndi Kappes
baby standing next to stroller in front of the eiffel towel in paris france
These Are the Best Cities in the World to Raise a Family, Report Says
By Wyndi Kappes
Paris hilton and husband
Paris Hilton Shares a First Look at Her Family of Four
By Wyndi Kappes
parents talking to sad child
Study Reveals the Negative Words Parents Use and How They Affect Kids
By Wyndi Kappes
Article removed.
Article removed.
Name added. View Your List