Stay-at-Home Mom Speaks Up: ‘I Am Not a Stay-at-Home Housekeeper’

“I refuse to teach my children that the household duties fall on the mother’s shoulders alone.”
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By Stephanie Grassullo, Associate Editor
Updated August 28, 2018
mom holding baby with pacifier in her lap at home
Image: Michayla Wyatt

Despite some outdated ideas of what it’s like to be a SAHM, the job description is a lot more grueling, both emotionally and physically, than most think—something Kayla Elizabeth Roussin can attest to.

The mom shared a candid post on Facebook and described how she was able to grapple with her new title of stay-at-home mom. The reason the transition worked so well was thanks in a large part to her husband, who she refers to as a “team player.”

“When my husband and I decided I should be a stay-at-home mom, we agreed that that’s what I would be, a mom. I am not a stay at home housekeeper. Yes, I clean throughout the day, but my main focus will always be my children,” she says. “Most of the cleaning I do during the day involves our kids in some way…I want them to know that it takes a team to keep our home clean. But, if we spent the entire day playing and learning and growing, and the house is a mess at the end of the day, my husband and I tag team when he gets home from work.”

When it comes to understanding what the SAHM role entails, Roussin and her husband are on the same page.

“He does not walk in the door and scold me for the pile of dirty dishes in the sink, he just cleans them. We fold the laundry together after we put our kids to bed, and use that as time to talk about the day or whatever is on our minds,” she explains. “This house is ours, not just mine. These children are ours, not just mine. I refuse for them to remember me just cleaning all the time, and I refuse to teach my children that the household duties fall on the mother’s shoulders alone. I stay at home to be present in their lives, not to make sure my house is spotless at a moment’s notice.”

Sure, she does her best to keep the house clean and organized, but it’s not her sole responsibility for the day.

“We as mothers do not give up careers, adult interaction, a paycheck, and sanity to ensure that the house shines like the top of the Chrysler building when our husbands walk through the door, and I feel pretty confident in saying that many of us are way more stressed about the mess than [they] are.”

While Roussin is thankful her family doesn’t consider her as the token housekeeper, she is extremely grateful for the option to be home with her kids every day.

“Being a stay at home mom is hands down the best gift I have ever been given, but it’s also one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I thank my husband multiple times a day for making this possible, for working his butt off to provide for our family. I have never expected him to come home after a long day and clean the entire house by himself,” she says. “I am thankful to not fear his reaction if the house isn’t pristine. I am thankful to have a partner who understands what it means to be a team player and will do all of those things without giving it a second thought.”

She signs off with one important message: “Husbands, if you’re reading this, thank your amazing wives for giving up everything to raise those beautiful babies you made together, and, wives, thank those hubbies for making staying home possible, and please remember, the mess can wait.”

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