11 Uncomfortable Pregnancy Sex Issues (And How to Deal)

Sex during pregnancy can feel very different from sex pre-pregnancy—and you may find yourself dealing with some unexpected challenges. After all, your body goes through a significant transformation to grow and carry a baby, and that can prompt new sensations—both physical and emotional—that may call for some adjustments to your normal routine in the bedroom. But, truthfully, this may be a great way to prepare for the unexpected surprises you’ll face after baby arrives. “For couples, pregnancy is probably the first time there’s a change in their sex life since they’ve been together,” says Judith Steinhart, Ed.D, a New York City–based clinical sexologist and sexuality educator. “I’d like to think it prepares people for the changes that’ll happen over their lifetime together.”

That was the case for The Bump community member starsaligned13: “My husband and I have been married five years, and never had an issue with sex. We’re young and in love—that’s how I got pregnant! But now, I can’t get into the headspace. I’ve lost my libido, I’m feeling very disconnected from my pelvic floor and abdominals and I keep thinking our baby is with us in these intimate moments.”

While sex-life ebbs and flows are normal, some of the shifts that occur during pregnancy can take you out of your comfort zone—literally and figuratively. Here’s how to deal so these so-called pregnancy sex issues don’t interfere with your connection to your partner.

You Feel Unattractive

Some women feel incredibly sexy during pregnancy, but that’s not always the case. Pregnancy brings tons of bodily changes that can leave you feeling a little lost in your own skin, such as bloating, excessive sweating and weight gain (which is necessary for a healthy pregnancy!). “The woman’s body undergoes so many changes during pregnancy. It’s important to remind yourself of this to normalize body changes and the feelings that come with it,” says Alejandra Lucatero, LCSW, a licensed social worker who specializes in sexual health at the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health in Honolulu.

To counter this, lean into the things that make you feel good and comfortable in your own body, Lucatero suggests, such as getting your hair or nails done and wearing lingerie.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, a pelvic reconstruction surgeon and member of the plusOne Wellness Collective, says that self-care routines and doing things that make you feel good—like a maternity photoshoot—can help.

Most importantly, open up to your partner about how you’re feeling. They probably still find you very attractive, and hearing words of encouragement from them may help bring some reassurance. Plus, don’t forget to change how you talk to yourself. Embrace kindness and grace in your self-talk.

You Have Increased Discharge

Thanks to increases in blood flow, estrogen and progesterone, your body produces more vaginal discharge during pregnancy—which may leave you feeling extra, well, “damp” down there. It may not be your favorite pregnancy symptom, but discharge actually serves a really important purpose: it helps get rid of bacteria that could harm you and baby. “Discharge is the vagina’s natural way of cleansing itself,” Lucatero explains, adding you want to avoid douching, as it can disrupt your vagina’s natural pH balance.

To feel more comfortable, consider using undyed, organic panty liners, as well as breathable cotton underwear and loose clothing. If the extra discharge is getting in the way in the bedroom, maybe skip the bed altogether and opt for shower sex—just be careful not to slip, as your center of gravity is off during pregnancy.

You’re Experiencing Extra Swelling and Sensitivity

For some moms-to-be, the increased blood flow to the pelvic region makes them more sensitive in a really, really good way (read: more orgasms). This was the case for The Bump community member knottie07743f319179a752 as she entered her second trimester. “My husband and I didn’t do it too much in the first trimester because I felt so sick, but we’ve been doing it a lot more in the second trimester,” she says. “I think the increased blood flow in my body has made it extra sensitive in a good way.” But for others, the sensitivity can make sex uncomfortable and maybe even painful. If that’s the case for you, try switching up positions to see if that helps. You can also try using a water-based lube, but if it’s not working, it’s okay to not have sex and use gentler forms of intimacy, Greenleaf says. There are some other fun things you can do with your partner that don’t involve penetration. You can also build intimacy with other routes, like asking your partner to give you a foot rub. (Bonus: It may also help with any swollen feet!)

Sore Breasts Make Sex Uncomfortable

They may look fantastically plump right now, but if your breasts feel sore when your partner touches them, know you’re not alone. Your breasts start getting ready to make milk early on in pregnancy, and that increased blood flow to the chest—particularly during the first trimester—can make them achy and sensitive. “Communicate with your partner about what’s off-limits,” Greenleaf says. They may have to keep their hands off (and you may want less bouncing) for a little while. “Whatever the issue is, it isn’t going to last forever,” reminds Steinhart. Many moms-to-be find the soreness goes away in the second trimester. (You might prefer your partner to keep their hands off later on if you’re breastfeeding too.)

Alternatively, Lucatero notes a breast massage from your partner may be a form of intimacy that can help relieve some aches and pains. Just be careful to avoid nipple stimulation at the end of pregnancy as it may increase the risk of preterm labor.

Pregnancy Fatigue Makes You Sleepy

Pregnancy fatigue is very real, and rest is a priority in pregnancy. While you can do things like have a consistent bedtime routine, eat well and exercise to improve your energy levels, you may not have extra energy for the bedroom. To work around this, remember that “connection matters more than activity,” Greenleaf says. Consider low-energy forms for intimacy, like spooning in bed or cuddling on the couch. “We barely had sex while pregnant,” shares harpseal135, a community member on The Bump. “My husband respected how I was feeling and intimacy was not sex related: cuddling, kissing, holding hands, him feeling baby kicks, etc.—that was ‘sex’ for us and he didn’t care.”

Your Partner’s Not Into It

According to Sherry Ross, MD, an ob-gyn and women’s sexual health expert, many male partners are afraid of sex during pregnancy because they fear it could hurt baby or cause labor. (Spoiler, that’s not typically true.) But if your partner isn’t into sex these days, it could also be because they’re just not in the mood. The key to both of these circumstances is honest communication. “Talk to your partner. Keep an open mind and provide empathy and compassion to their experiences,” Lucatero says. You should also include them in doctor visits so they can ask any questions. The key to helping your partner through any anxiety is to talk it out and go slow. You may also “explore other forms of intimacy like outercourse or mutual masturbation,” Greenleaf notes.

Your Growing Bump—and Baby—Are Getting in the Way

If your baby bump is making your favorite positions a little less pleasant, consider switching things up. Greenleaf and Ross recommend different positions such as you-on-top or at the edge of the bed. Ultimately, the best position will be the one that’s most comfortable for you and your partner. Plus, you can also use “safe intimacy devices or mutual self-pleasure to adapt,” Greenleaf adds.

Of course, as your bump grows, you may find it harder to ignore baby’s presence—and that may make things a little uncomfortable. As The Bump community member FutureMrsCaesar shares, it was hard for her partner to get over the fact that their baby was “present” in the room. “Our sex life took a nosedive during my first pregnancy, and it wasn’t until afterward that my husband finally admitted that having sex and knowing there was a baby in there weirded him out…The belly is a constant reminder that there’s a baby in there, and there’s really no way of blocking that out.” Rest assured, baby won’t know what’s going on—they just know you’re moving around.

You Have A Lagging Libido

When you’re feeling bloating, nauseous and exhausted, it can be hard to find yourself wanting sex at all. “It’s not unusual to have a low libido during pregnancy due to hormonal changes, fear of a miscarriage, breaking the bag of water, hurting baby or being self-conscious about body changes and weight gain,” Ross says. “Having good communication with your partner is the best foreplay a person could ask for.” Make it clear to your partner that your lack of sex drive is not about a “lack of love,” Steinhart agrees.

All experts note that the best way to improve sex drive during pregnancy is with a close connection to your partner with other forms of intimacy such as cuddling, kissing, dancing, hand-holding, massages and more. “Focus on emotional closeness and affection without pressure for sex,” Greenleaf says.

And, remember, pregnancy isn’t forever, but your partnership is. “Pregnancy feels long, but in the grand scheme of a marriage, it’s not. It’s a season when your priority is growing a human and then recovering from growing a human. During that season, intimacy just looks and feels different,” shares rachelredhead, a community member on The Bump. “Think about reframing sex a bit… Just shoot for closeness and intimacy, and then any kind of physical connection will be a success.”

You Have a Surging Libido

Look out for the second trimester: This is the time when pregnancy might actually be making you want sex more than in your pre-pregnancy life. While this can be a good thing, recognize that your libido may not match up with your partner’s. It can sometimes be intimidating for your partner if your sexual energy surpasses your usual pattern, Steinhart explains: “Your partner might get worried about not being able to please you.”

If your libido isn’t in sync with your partner’s, don’t be afraid to go solo. Your partner can always jump in later on or include themselves in ways that may not be typical for you in the bedroom. “Enjoy it with communication and consent,” Greenleaf says, adding, “Self-pleasure and intimacy aids can also be helpful.”

You’re Worried About Spotting After Sex

Light spotting after sex is common in pregnancy because the cervix is more sensitive, Greenleaf says. While you should let your provider know of any spotting, all the experts note this isn’t cause for concern as long as the bleeding isn’t heavy, persistent or painful. You may be worried about harming baby, but they’re “protected inside the amniotic sac and uterus,” says Greenleaf. Unless you have a certain condition that would prompt your doctor to caution against sex, it’s deemed perfectly safe during pregnancy.

Sex Has Become Painful

There are a few reasons sex might be painful during pregnancy, including vaginal dryness. What’s more, positions that allow for deeper penetration might not feel so good right now. To counter these issues, the experts recommend trying a water-based lubricant, as well as switching to positions that avoid deep penetration. Again, the key here is to communicate with your partner and let them know what feels good, what doesn’t and explore other options of intimacy.

When to Talk to Your Provider

The experts note if you have any of the following symptoms during or after sex, you should reach out to your healthcare provider:

• Heavy vaginal bleeding
• Severe pain and uterine cramping
• Unusual discharge or vaginal odor
• Leaking vaginal fluid
• Concerns about your emotional health
• Stress or anxiety around intimacy

Lucatero also recommends talking to a sex therapist if your concerns are leading to emotional distress, relationship dissatisfaction or sexual dysfunction. “A sex therapist may help guide you to learn more about your arousal and desire, communicate about sex with your partner and navigate sex successfully during this major life transition,” she adds.

The most important thing to remember as you experience sex during pregnancy is to keep a line of clear communication with your partner to ensure both of your needs are being met. “Listen to your body and understand that pregnancy introduces a whole host of new circumstances—emotionally, mentally and physically—in the bedroom,” Ross says. Things may be different between the sheets, but that’s okay as long as you’re both comfortable opening up.

Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.