How Long Should You Wait to Have Sex After Birth?

After both of my pregnancies, I was low-key terrified to go to that six-week postpartum checkup where I’d likely be cleared to have sex again. Giving birth—whether vaginally or via C-section—is hard on the body, and just when things were starting to seem somewhat normal again, the last thing I wanted was to mess something up.

Whether you’re nervous about sex after birth or ready to go, read on for everything you’ve ever wanted to know about postpartum sex, from when you can start having it to how to make sure it feels good.

Key Takeaways

• How long after birth can you have sex? You should wait to have sex until you’ve been cleared by your health care provider—typically around six to eight weeks after delivery.
• Even if you’re cleared medically, you may not be emotionally ready for sex, and that’s okay.
• Sex after birth may feel different and could be painful, but as the body heals, it’ll usually start to feel better (and if not, your healthcare provider can help).
• When you’re ready to have sex, move at your own pace, listen to your body and speak up if it becomes uncomfortable.

How Long After Birth Can You Have Sex?

You’ll want to wait to have sex until you’ve healed postpartum, which is typically around six weeks after birth for a vaginal delivery, and eight weeks (or more) for a C-section, explains Dr. Kecia Gaither, MD, director of perinatal services and maternal-fetal medicine at NYC Health + Hospitals/Lincoln in New York City.

Dr. Michael Ingber, MD, a urogynecologist in Mountain Lakes, New Jersey and cofounder at LiviWell, adds that it may be longer based on your healing, especially if you had “significant tearing, required an episiotomy or had other complications.”

That said, don’t feel pressured to have sex as soon as you’re cleared to. “Your body may not want to have sex at the six-week mark, and you may feel too emotionally overwhelmed,” says Ilana Grines, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist in Los Angeles. “The most important thing is listening to yourself and your partner, rather than treating a medical clearance as the indicator that sex should happen.”

But if you do find yourself in the mood earlier, you’re not totally out of options. “Oral sex is generally safe once healing has begun,” says Summer Okimoto, CNM, a certified nurse midwife at Pediatrix Medical Group in Lawrenceville, Georgia.

Real Moms Tell Us: When Did You First Have Sex After Birth?

We asked our social media followers, “When did you first have sex after birth?”

No surprise—only 17 percent of our followers jumped right back into it at six weeks postpartum. While 34 percent started back up between 8 and 12 weeks postpartum, 24 percent “took a few months to get my groove back” and a whole 26 percent responded “Um…what’s sex again?” And, yeah, that’s a totally understandable and valid response!

What Does Sex Feel Like After Birth?

We’re not going to sugarcoat it: Sex after birth could feel different than usual. You might be dealing with uncomfortable postpartum physical symptoms, struggling to accept changes to your body or feeling totally touched out and generally disinterested in intimacy.

This is all 100 percent normal, says licensed mental health counselor and certified sex therapist Dr. Katie Schubert, PhD, LMHC, owner of Cypress Wellness Center in St. Petersburg, Florida. “Your body changes tremendously after giving birth, so sex can feel both physically and emotionally different,” she says. “Some women are fine going back to sex-as-usual after their doctor’s approval; others feel the need to wait longer so their bodies and minds can more fully heal.”

Dr. Schubert says your individual anatomy and the way you gave birth (vaginally or via C-section, for example) can affect what sex feels like. Grines agrees and adds that she always recommends pelvic floor physical therapy after birth—especially when sex feels “wildly different” than it did before having a baby. “It was very painful [at first], but pelvic floor therapy made it all better,” Caitlin C., a mom of one in Chicago, shares of her postpartum sex experience.

Is it normal for sex after birth to be painful?

Whether you had a vaginal or C-section delivery, you’ll likely experience some postpartum pain and need to heal. Vaginal births are associated with tearing (which often requires stitches) and sometimes episiotomies, both of which can cause acute and chronic pain with intercourse during o initial healing and, later, due to long-term scarring.

So what can you do about painful sex after birth? Dr. Alyssa Dweck, MD, an ob-gyn and medical advisor for Intimina, says that other than giving yourself plenty of time to heal, you can use lubricants or vaginal moisturizers to hydrate the tissue, try a vaginal dilator to increase vaginal elasticity or ask your provider about vaginal estrogen, which may improve some conditions.

Personally, after my first baby, I developed scar tissue buildup that resulted in painful sex. I worked with my doctor to manage it with injections. Knowing that I wanted to have another baby, we didn’t take larger steps, because chances were good that it’d resolve itself with another vaginal birth (which, thankfully, it did!), but if I hadn’t been planning on having another baby, there were other options available (though more invasive).

Is it normal for sex after C-section to be painful?

Incisional pain from a C-section can make the physical act of intimacy difficult, says Dr. Dweck. A 2016 study of postpartum women in Beijing suggested that women who’ve had C-sections generally wait longer to have sex again than women who deliver vaginally, noting that everything from lower sex drive and vaginal dryness to urinary incontinence and painful intercourse affected the timing.

“I was surprised by how squeamish I was about sex after my C-section,” says Samantha M., a mom of two in Hoboken, New Jersey. “I thought this aspect of recovery would be easier for me since I didn’t deliver vaginally, but I still found it difficult to get back into the swing of things.”

Remember that a C-section is abdominal surgery, so you’ll need to give your incision plenty of time to heal before expecting to be pain-free. In some cases, you may need to try different sexual positions to find one that doesn’t cause discomfort around your incision. Dr. Taniqua Miller, MD, an Atlanta-based ob-gyn and founder of Revival Telemedicine for Menopause Care, says having sex on your side can take some of the pressure off your abdomen.

Does Breastfeeding Affect Sex Life?

The short answer: yes. “During breastfeeding, women have lower estrogen levels, which can lead to vaginal dryness, decreased libido and discomfort with intercourse,” explains Okimoto. She notes that these changes are common and usually temporary, and encourages taking things slowly and using lube to help.

Breastfeeding has mental and emotional effects that can affect your sex life too. “Many parents describe feeling touched out at the end of the day,” explains Grines. “A woman’s body becomes somebody’s primary source of comfort and nutrition, and often that leaves little room for other physical contact.” Dr. Ingber, the urogynecologist, notes that breastfeeding can result in fatigue and sleep deprivation, which can also impact Mom’s sex drive.

“My marriage went through a little rough patch when I was breastfeeding because I had no interest in sex. I was exhausted, my nipples hurt and I literally had a baby attached to my body most of the day. No thanks,” shares Nicole B., a mom of one in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Other Common Postpartum Sex Issues

You just delivered an entire human being from your body after growing and carrying them around for nine months. That’s going to result in some changes! For the most part, physical discomforts are entirely normal and to be expected, but it helps to be prepared for what you and your partner may encounter.

Continued postpartum bleeding

Postpartum bleeding, or lochia, usually ends after about six weeks, but some women experience it for up to eight weeks, according to Cleveland Clinic. Dr. Miller says as long as you’ve moved into the phase where your lochia is yellowish or looks more like light spotting, it’s safe to have sex. You can prepare for it by laying down a towel or blanket wherever you’re having sex and keeping some wipes handy to clean up after.

If the lochia persists past eight weeks postpartum, smells bad, continues getting heavier or if you’re only bleeding during sex, let your provider know.

Sore and swollen breasts

If you thought your breasts were sore and swollen during pregnancy, just wait until they’re engorged with breast milk and your nipples are raw from feeding baby around the clock. New moms are often understandably hesitant about jumping back into sex when their breasts are so sensitive, and many also worry about breast milk leakage during intercourse.

Over time, your breasts should start to feel less sore and be less likely to leak milk; meanwhile, make sure you’re communicating with your partner if you want your breasts to be off-limits during sex, and consider wearing a bra with nursing pads tucked inside if you’re concerned about leaking.

Low sex drive

Your healing body and emotional state can affect your sex drive after birth. Dr. Miller says the mental bandwidth it takes to have a newborn, combined with sleep deprivation and plummeting levels of estrogen, progesterone and serotonin in the weeks after birth can leave new moms completely uninterested in sex. Plus, you might be feeling self-conscious about your body changes, which can also dampen the mood.

While spending time together as a couple not having sex—just being loving, romantic and affectionate—can help your sex drive ramp up again, it’s important to remember that a lower sex drive postpartum is normal (and that pressuring yourself or feeling guilty is counterproductive, since stress contributes to low libido in both men and women).

In the meantime, Dr. Miller suggests doing things to boost oxytocin, like getting outside on a nice day, asking for help so you can catch up on sleep or maybe sneaking out for a quick date.

How Soon After Birth Can You Get Pregnant?

It’s possible for pregnancy to occur soon after delivery, says Dr. Dweck, and in some cases it can happen even before you’ve had your first postpartum period.

Though the chances of getting pregnant in the first four to six weeks postpartum aren’t massive, they do exist: One study suggests that about 44 percent of women may be at risk of unintended pregnancy because they don’t realize ovulation can happen before their first postpartum period.

Women who are exclusively breastfeeding are particularly vulnerable, says Dr. Dweck, since exclusive breastfeeding can make it harder to observe the ovulation cues, like thick, stretchy discharge and sore breasts.

Basically, you could get pregnant again with a newborn in the house, and that’s not just a totally overwhelming and stressful scenario—it’s also not entirely ideal for your physical health and well-being.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) strongly advises women to avoid getting pregnant again until at least six months after birth, though the recommended amount of time between pregnancies is actually 18 months. When pregnancies occur too close together, the risks for preterm birth, low birth weight for babies and pregnancy and birth complications for moms increase.

One of the reasons experts recommend waiting until after your six-week postpartum appointment to resume having sex is so you can make a plan to avoid getting pregnant again before it’s considered safe.

Pregnancy prevention is an extremely personal decision, but it’s a conversation worth having with your provider. Whatever birth control or prevention method you were using before getting pregnant may no longer be a good fit for you. It may not fit into your new lifestyle, be safe for breastfeeding or be compatible with your plans for future pregnancies. If you’re not sure which method of birth control is right for you postpartum, your provider can help you choose.

Postpartum Sex Tips

While postpartum sex can be complicated, there are ways to reconnect with your partner in the bedroom little by little and get back to feeling confident and comfortable during intimacy.

Set realistic expectations

Dr. Dweck says new moms have a lot to consider when it comes to having sex: vaginal bleeding, excess baby weight, fatigue, anxiety about baby (the list goes on). Just knowing that sex is going to be different for a little while can make it easier to imagine actually having it. It won’t be perfect, and your first attempts might not go smoothly, but that’s okay.

Go slow

Dr. Schubert says you shouldn’t rush any part of intimacy. Your body will heal, and you’ll know when you’re ready. If you’re not mentally or physically there yet, it’s fine to keep waiting.

Expand your definition of intimacy

Dr. Dweck suggests finding ways to be intimate with your partner without necessarily going all the way: cuddling, kissing and engaging in other non-penetrative activities can help you and your partner feel physically close even when you’re not literally having sex.

Use lubricants

As Dr. Dweck mentioned, sex can be painful no matter how you gave birth because of lactation (but doubly so if you had a vaginal delivery). You may need to use lubricants or moisturizers for a while to make sex more comfortable.

Change up your positions

Dr. Schubert says it’s helpful to find a position that feels physically and emotionally comfortable, which may mean getting into new or different positions than before. It can help to be on top of your partner, she says, so you feel more in control of the movements and the degree of penetration.

Communicate with your partner

“Communicate with your partner about your needs and desires,” advises Dr. Schubert. “Communication is truly the most important thing to do postpartum on all fronts.”

To Sum it Up

Postpartum sex is often complicated by both physical and emotional changes, and that’s completely normal. Knowing that sex will feel different for a while can make the changes easier to cope with. There’s nothing wrong with you if sex is painful, if you don’t feel like your most attractive self—or if your sex drive has dropped to zero.

While there are some ways to ease back into enjoying sex after birth, the best solution is to give yourself the time and space to heal, mentally and physically. Don’t rush, listen to your body, communicate with your partner and take it slow.

How We Developed This Article

We know that sex after birth can be intimidating, and parents-to-be and new parents may be questioning what to expect, what’s normal and what the next steps are. To help provide guidance on this topic, we spoke to several experts, including a certified midwife, certified sex therapists, two ob-gyns, licensed marriage and family therapists and a urogynecologist. We also spoke to real-life moms and moms-to-be to learn how they approached sex during pregnancy.

After editing, this article was vetted through fact-check and reviewed by our ob-gyn medical adviser. Learn more about how we ensure the accuracy of our content through our editorial and medical review process.

About the author: Ashley Ziegler is a mom of two who felt a lot of anxiety about sex after having a baby. She’s also an experienced health, pregnancy, and parenting writer with work appearing in publications including Scary Mommy, Romper, Pregnancy & Newborn, Everyday Health and more.

Contributing writer: Sarah Bradley is a freelance writer from Connecticut, where she lives with her husband and three sons. Since 2017, she has been combining her love of writing with her parenting experience, writing personal essays, product reviews and reported features for a number of online parenting and health publications.

Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.