The Way to Boost Your Sex Life Has Nothing to Do With the Act of Sex

The lryics "let’s talk about sex, baby" were onto something.
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By Ashlee Neuman, Content Director
Published September 17, 2019
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Image: Ivan Gener

Here’s the cold, hard truth: Less than 20 percent of parents say they’re satisfied with the quality of their sex life, according to data from Lasting, the nation’s leading marriage counseling app. It may be a tired cliche that moms and dads are simply too exhausted and physically touched out to put in the effort, but as new parents know, the struggle is real.

If you find yourself in this category, though, don’t despair—there’s a pretty easy solution. According to multiple studies, the secret to a satisfying sex life has nothing to do with romantic feelings, technique or even frequency. Rather, research shows that good sex is rooted in a strong emotional connection. And the best way to increasing your sexual connection is by talking about sex.

Yes, it can feel awkward, at least at first. But it’s a vital step to changing your sex life. It’s common for both men and women to experience fluctuations in their levels of sexual desire. Couples often think of these fluctuations as a sign that things aren’t going well, but no matter how you’re feeling about this part of your relationship, it’s possible to increase and maintain sexual satisfaction simply through communication, even when sexual desire changes over time.

So how can you broach the subject? To start, each partner should learn more about the other’s view on sex and how their past experiences frame their current perspective. This unlocks more empathy between the two of you, which is the key driver of healthy conversations about sex. Ultimately, this empowers you to respond to your partner’s bids for affection and improve the quality of your sex life.

Need more tips on how to successfully navigate conversations about sex? You’re in luck: Lasting is having a 40 percent off sale through the month of September! Download the app for judgement-free, do-it-yourself marriage counseling. It’ll ask you about your relationship and create a personalized plan just for you, guiding you through discussions that’ll help you and your partner learn more about each other and bring you closer than ever.

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