CircleBumpCheckedFilledMedicalBookmarkBookmarkTickBookmarkAddCheckBoxCheckBoxFilled

5 Ways to Keep Spontaneity Alive Even After Baby Arrives

Now that you’re new parents, you can’t exactly drop everything for some impromptu romance. Here’s how to stay spontaneous even with a newborn in the picture.
save article
profile picture of Nicole Hannel
Updated April 12, 2019

Those first weeks at home with a newborn are exhilarating, terrifying and wonderful. You did it! You’re parents! But life with a new baby also turns time into a three-hour loop: Feed, sleep, change, repeat. And in the monotony of it all, something other than sleep takes a back seat—spontaneity.

But there’s hope! Even with a rigid newborn schedule, new parents can still have some fun. In fact, keeping the spark alive is never more important than now. Data from Lasting, a marriage health and counseling app based on extensive research, shows the connection between parents is a key factor in kids’ cognitive, emotional and social development. So even when you’re rocking a spit up-stained shirt and four-day-old hair, you and your partner can (and should!) keep spontaneity alive. How? Here are five things to try:

1. Get Creative

Is there something you both love to do? Or something new you’ve been wanting to try? Attempt a new cookie recipe or a delicious gourmet dinner. Break out the good china and those expensive knives you never use. Set a fancy table, light some candles and enjoy.

If cooking isn’t your thing, try your hand at sketching, painting or puzzles. A national study on family therapy found that creative activities lead to enhanced problem-solving and imagination in relationships, so really, you can’t go wrong! Whatever you try, getting those creative juices flowing will remind you that even though your little human owns most of your time, you’re more than just a diaper-changer.

2. Get Out of the House

Disrupt your routine by switching up your environment. If the weather permits, wrap up your little one and take a walk through your neighborhood or nearby park. See if your city has local farmers markets or art fairs on the weekends. Plan a picnic with all your favorite foods. Or if packing up the stroller overwhelms you, find your favorite drive-thru and treat yourself. Parenting is hard work, and you deserve to be pampered. Pick a good playlist and enjoy the ride.

Related Video

Where you end up heading is less important than simply getting out of the house. One thing you’ll want to leave behind, though, is your phone. According to Lasting, 80 percent of couples with kids feel their mobile devices distract them from connecting with each other. So wherever you go, set aside those phones and make a point to spend quality time with your spouse in a different setting.

3. Hang Out with Friends

A great way to build spontaneity into your marriage is to spend time with other couples who a) you really like and b) are really accommodating. Especially during the newborn stage, find friends who are comfortable coming over to your house or willing to hang out on your tight schedule. If your friends also have little ones, they’ll understand the unique challenges of new parenthood and will be flexible. Whether it’s a casual meal or a fun game night, time with friends will add variety to your long days and will help you each remember the people you were and the people you want to be.

4. Give a Surprise Gift

Parenthood is pretty much all give and no take. You’re responsible for your infant’s every need, and that means you rarely address your own. But in the spirit of spontaneity, take the initiative to surprise your spouse with something just for them.

Don’t get hung up on finding the perfect present—gifts don’t always have to blow the budget. It doesn’t even have to be an object, but rather a thoughtful act or show of kindness. Have your partner’s favorite treat (flowers, cookies, lunch) sent to the house or office. Leave a quick love note somewhere they’ll find it. Offer to take on one of their daily chores while they kick up their feet and relax. Take your pick. Small, intentional giving will go a long way in maintaining that spontaneous edge, and you’ll have fun in the process too.

5. Keep Talking

At a time when you and your partner are probably talking more about milk supply than marital improvement, it’s important to keep lines of communication open between just the two of you. A staggering 79 percent of couples with kids are unsatisfied with their communication, according to Lasting. Don’t be one of them!

Make time and space to communicate, and remember, it doesn’t all have to be serious. Google questions to ask each other or fun ways to find out more about your spouse. Lasting even offers daily coaching sessions that include prompts for communication. So put your little one to bed and get talking (and laughing!). Try the questions while playing a board or card game. Be inventive and honest. Make open communication a priority, and you just might learn something new.

According to marriage experts, 67 percent of new parents experience a drop in couple satisfaction within the first three years of parenthood—but that doesn’t have to be you. As a newly minted mom or dad, investing in your partnership has never mattered more. It may take some work, but keeping spontaneity alive will always mean big returns for you and your growing family.

Published January 2019

save article
ADVERTISEMENT

Next on Your Reading List

mom and dad with newborn baby
Why It’s Normal (and OK!) to Hate Your Partner After Baby Comes
Fact Checked by G. O’Hara
Isaac Rochell #96 of the Las Vegas Raiders looks on prior to the game against the Chicago Bears at Soldier Field on October 22, 2023 in Chicago, Illinois
‘Dads Don’t Babysit:’ Isaac Rochell’s Candid TikTok Goes Viral
By Wyndi Kappes
dad opening father's day gift with baby
23 Father’s Day Gifts From Son or Daughter
By Emma O'Regan-Reidy
ADVERTISEMENT
smiling dad and newborn baby
55 First Father’s Day Gifts That Will Make Him Smile
By Martina Garvey
smiling dad pushing baby stroller
How Overly Praising ‘Good Dads’ Stalls Gender Equality
By Kristen Bringe
father and daughter dressed in formal clothes smiling
8 Steps Fathers Can Take to Empower Their Daughters in Toddlerhood
By Ray W. Christner, Psy.D., NCSP, ABPP
young woman using dating app on smartphone while sitting on couch at home
Match Has Launched a New Dating App for Single Parents Called Stir
By Nehal Aggarwal
ADVERTISEMENT
8 Types of New Dads
8 Types of New Dads
By Kylie McConville
mom and dad holding baby
Why (and How) You Should Make a Family Mission Statement This Year
By The Bump Editors
new parents holding newborn baby on couch at home
The 5 Big Surprises in Store for Your Relationship After Baby Arrives
By Ashlee Neuman
ADVERTISEMENT
4 Ways New Parents Can Strengthen Their Relationship
4 Ways New Parents Can Strengthen Their Relationship
By Tammy Gold
Can Having a Baby Strengthen Your Relationship?
Can Having a Baby Strengthen Your Relationship?
By Jayne Heinrich
Date Night: How Many Parents Are Actually Taking One?
Date Night: How Many Parents Are Actually Taking One?
By Anisa Arsenault
ADVERTISEMENT
shark boy and lava girl tv show still
Sharkboy and Lava Girl Are Returning to the Screen—As Parents
By Nehal Aggarwal
elon musk and grimes pick unique baby name
Elon Musk Opens About Fatherhood and Parenting New Son With Grimes
By Nehal Aggarwal
dad holding daughter at the beach
9 Signs He’ll Be a Good Dad
By JD Roberto
Benjamin and maisani Anderson cooper
The Heartwarming Reason Anderson Cooper Is Co-Parenting With His Ex
By Nehal Aggarwal
ADVERTISEMENT
Stacks of money represent unpaid labor of women
Women’s Unpaid Labor Is Globally Worth $10.9 Trillion, Report Says
By Nehal Aggarwal
couple having coffee in bed together
The 5 Most Expensive Cities for Valentine's Day Sitters, Study Finds
By Nehal Aggarwal
man sits down while looking at wifi signal on phone
This New Mom Turned Off Her Husband’s Wifi for the Best Reason
By Nehal Aggarwal
ADVERTISEMENT
Article removed.
Article removed.
Name added. View Your List