For Better or Worse: How Having a Baby Takes a Toll on Your Marriage

Throughout your pregnancy, you receive a wealth of information on what to do after baby arrives—you may not even know what to do with it all. But what many don’t prepare you for is how your relationship with your partner will change once your little one arrives.

It’s undeniable, your connection with your S/O won’t be the same. In fact, it’ll go through some pretty shocking transformations. But remember—it’s all normal. Just ask popular Facebook mama, Laura Mazza, of Mum on the Run. She put it all out there in a recent Facebook post, where she shared some pretty spot-on sentiments.

“The first year of having a baby takes a toll on your relationship…it’s so normal to hate your partner for a little bit, like, hate them,” the mom admits.

The reason for these somewhat alarming feelings is actually pretty straightforward.

“You’ve had this beautiful new bundle of joy, one that you wanted—or maybe didn’t—that you would [have] thought would be an extension of the love you had for each other…and boom,” Mazza says. “The shock hits you. Everything changes.”

The first year of baby’s life is met with long nights, little sleep and lots of tears—from baby and yourself. Basically, tensions are high and it doesn’t take much to set each other off.

“You’re on edge, you’re sleep deprived and everything they do gets on your every last nerve—from how they change nappies to how they wipe down the bench. The chores double and so does the bickering,” she candidly explains.

And it’s not just the exhaustion wearing you both thin. While baby’s arrival will fill you both with so much love, it’ll also take a pretty big hit on your romantic life.

“There’s no downtime, there’s 100 percent no sex and there is no niceties,” Mazza says. “It’s like you’re two crocodiles snapping at each other…It’s tough, real tough.”

That said, it’s easy for your relationship to fall through the cracks. But just because baby changes your connection, doesn’t mean it has to be for good. The Lasting app is designed for super-busy parents who want to protect their marriage after kids. Each app session only takes five minutes, and afterwards Lasting will recommend areas you two should be focussing on. The platform also includes quizzes, exercises and stories from actual partners on how they make it work.

Because as Mazza so perfectly says, “you’re in the deep end, but you’re also in the deep end together.”

“You’ll catch them singing to that little baby while rocking them to sleep and you’ll remember why you chose to have a baby with the bastard,” she jokingly says. “You’ll appreciate the little things and you’ll hang on to those fleeting moments where it’s just you two, and the moments will happen more and more.”

Take it from the mother of three: “You will get that love back again.”