Tamera Mowry on Working Mom Guilt and What's Making It Worse

As a new parent it’s hard to shake the feeling that every moment spent at work or away is a moment in which you’re missing out on a new word, pivotal moment or big day. Actress, talk show host and mom of two, Tamera Mowry, knows this struggle all too well, and she isn’t afraid to share the emotional impact that it takes behind the scenes.

Talking with her co-hosts on The Real, Mowry opened up about her day-in-and-day-out struggle. “I feel like some people don’t like the fact that I talk about my children and my family a lot. But what they have to realize is my family is my life, and it should be right now. There’s a difference between parenting your children and raising your children,” she said. “I’m raising mine right now. They’re under the age of five.”

She emphasized the significance of these early years. “What people need to understand is if they’re not moms, is that this time in their life is probably the most important. 5 and under,” she shared. “Their brain development is going quick and fast. And their experiences shape who they are as people.” With such rapid changes happening each day, it’s hard to miss a few hours, let alone days. “I’m not there all the time to see it. I want to be there every day. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t want a caregiver. That’s just the type of person that I am,” she confessed. “But I also want to provide for my family.”

For Mowry, being a provider for her family is her way of being a positive example for her kids. “I want them to know they can grow up and do anything that they want to do,” she continued. “At the same time, I don’t get to spend that time with them.”

But the emotional toll of not being around as much runs deep. “I just want my children to love me just as much as their dad, because he’s there a little bit more than I am.” But Tamera was quick to reassure her children—and other parents facing similar challenges—“Just because mommy’s not there doesn’t mean that I don’t love you,” she said. “I’m working because I do.”

“I experience that every day. Sometimes y’all may not know, but I do. And on the weekends, I try to do my best, but sometimes I just feel it’s not, it’s not good enough, honestly,” she added. “Sometimes people don’t understand that, but you’ll understand it once you’re a mom.”

Mowry added that all of this guilt is amplifying today’s curated social media landscape. “You see these moms posting pictures of their kids, like every single second, every single moment, like going to the park with them, going to classes with them, music class. I’m not able to do that,” she said.

Mowry’s co-hosts were quick to acknowledge her feelings as valid while also lifting her up and providing some perspective. “Forget what other people are thinking and saying,” Loni Love chimed in. “I see how you interact with your children. They love you so much. And I know you know that, but I know sometimes you need to hear that.” Love’s other advice? “Stop letting people get into your head. You are doing just fine. Your kids will be just fine. Better than fine. Great.”

“You want to do it all. But you don’t realize that’s what makes you a dynamic woman is that you feel so much," Adrienne Bailon added. “You want to do it all here. And you also want to be that and more there. And you downplay how much you are there for them too.”

If you’re struggling with mom guilt, know that you’re far from alone. Learn why mom guilt can feel so heavy and how to cope.