Parenting ‘Merit Badges’ Are the Inspiration You Need

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By Anisa Arsenault, Associate Editor
Updated February 26, 2017
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When it comes to milestones, babies get all the credit. First smile, first word, first step; we document and celebrate these achievements all the time.

Biz Ellis and Theresa Thorn, hosts of the comedy podcast One Bad Mother, think moms should be recognized for their own parenting achievements. So they created a Kickstarter campaign for funny — but well-deserved — merit badges.

“We’ve created merit badges for parenting. Like Girl Scout badges, but for cleaning up baby barf and getting your kid to sleep!” the page says. All jokes aside, the duo wants to drive one point home: You’re doing a great job as a parent, and that should finally get some recognition.

Here, each of their badges and hilarious descriptions. The first five? Part of the ‘Essentials Pack.’ Once you’ve upped your parenting game, you’re ready for the ‘Advanced Pack,’ which includes five more.

“It’s like a warning wrapped up in a celebration,” they say. What more could you ask for?

Congratulations! Whether a baby gestated inside you or your partner or a surrogate, or you made it through the adoption process. However it went down, You did it! You got a kid!

How’d you do it? Nobody knows. Somehow, you got your kid to sleep. And they slept for four hours. Keep it up for a month, and you might stop hearing voices.

What’s the best kind of romance? Trying to conceive, trying to work around a big ol’ baby bump, trying to “reconnect” after childbirth, or trying to sneak some intimacy without waking one or more nearby sleeping children? We all deserve a little love in our lives, even if it’s THE MOST AWKWARD kind of love. Congratulations…you did it.

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This is a real achievement. You had to use the bathroom. Whatever the scenario, you made your choice. You held and maybe even fed your baby…while you sat on a toilet. So, there’s that.

You had to go to work or get your hair done or whatever. You had to leave your crying baby with a babysitter or daycare. Your baby screamed and, with all your heart, mind, and body, you wanted to go back for your baby. But, you didn’t. GOOD JOB LEAVING YOUR BABY.

Hey, remember taking care of yourself? Congratulations! You just remembered you’re an actual person with needs. You ate one *&%$!-ing meal, took one *&%$!-ing shower, or successfully made one *&%$!-ing phone call. All better now!

Hey! Look at that. Sorry!

You went out for milk…and came back afterwards. You could have used the opportunity to run away and start a new life! But you didn’t! You came back. Good job! Enjoy your milk.

There you were, out with your kid, minding your own business. You weren’t asking for advice, but someone went ahead and gave it anyway. OK. Thanks for that!

You swore you wouldn’t allow this to happen, but: the TV is on, or your kids are drinking as much juice as they want, or you went through the drive-thru instead of cooking dinner. Whatever you said you wouldn’t do back when you didn’t have kids, you’re doing that now. It’s come to this! Oh, well. You’re doing O.K.!

Make a pledge on Kickstarter to receive your badges  here.

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