11 Signs Your Partner Will Be a Good Parent
Your plus-one is pretty great. They partner with you in life, and they’re helping you get through pregnancy. But kids have a way of shaking up our world and shining a new light on our partners. So will fatherhood look good on your guy?
First, we love that you’re even asking this question. The “good mom” bar tends to be a mile higher than the “good dad” bar, so it’s about time we start holding potential fathers to a higher standard.
Of course, our unique life experiences determine how we evaluate our partners, so each person’s so-called “dad criteria” will be different. For some people, stability is most important; for others, it’s emotional availability. However, modern psychology can inform us as to what ultimately makes a supportive parent. “Attachment theory tells us that children form secure attachments when they experience safety, trust and emotional responsiveness from their parents or guardians,” says Charles Sweet, MD, MPH, a board-certified psychiatrist in Austin, Texas. But there’s more to it than that. “Being a good dad isn’t just about how he shows up for kids, but also how he shows up for his partner and the household,” adds Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C, a marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles. Below, experts and real parents share 11 signs that point to your plus-one being a good dad.
Parenting means a lot more responsibilities and demands. From a foundation of respect and equality, you and your partner can build a parenting relationship that feels fair and supportive. As Richard Ramos, a parenting and youth expert, says, “A great dad respects your voice, your wisdom and your contributions. He understands that parenting isn’t about ‘helping,’ but sharing the responsibility with diapers, discipline and deep conversations included.”
No one will ever be perfect. There’s a huge learning curve when first becoming parents, and it takes many dads—my husband included—a minute to figure out how to show up every day. But a willingness to repair and grow is a sign he’ll be able to course-correct if he doesn’t get it right from the start. Furthermore, the ability to own mistakes and grow is key. “If he can apologize and acknowledge when he’s wrong, he’s demonstrating a willingness to learn, adapt and grow. This is a crucial aspect of being a good parent,” says Goldberg.
Parenthood is full of changed plans and occasional chaos. Your partner’s ability to roll with the punches and find healthy ways to cope with stress and inconvenience is a great sign that he’ll be able to handle the messier parts of parenthood. “The parenting quality I’m most proud of is staying calm when things get chaotic—and with kids, things definitely get chaotic!” says Tamiz A., dad of two in Walnut Creek, California. “Being able to take a deep breath instead of losing my cool has made all the difference.”
A man who treats you and others with respect will help create an emotionally safe environment for your kids. Since kids learn from what their parents model, a generally respectful household atmosphere is important. “I always say that kids are sponges, even when they’re infants. They take in everything around them—even more than we notice,” says Bridget Jones, PsyD, a clinical psychologist based in Dayton, Ohio. “They take in how their parents talk, what they say, what values they hold.”
The mental load, or the invisible behind-the-scenes work of running a household, is heavy if carried alone. If your partner is willing to divide these tasks equitably before kids, the odds are better that he’ll be good at it after kids too (when the mental load multiplies). Hezekiah H., dad of two in Chula Vista, California, says to notice whether your partner proactively contributes to planning tasks and responsibilities. “This may indicate his disposition to share responsibilities and understand the unseen (and often underappreciated) work that goes into the day-to-day management of a household and, potentially, a family.”
If your partner actively listens and validates your feelings, even in a disagreement, it’s a sign that he’ll be a safe homebase for your kids. Princess Pitts Pierre, mom of two in Pompano Beach, Florida, says she knew her partner was dad material by the way he listened. “In an argument, he took time to listen, understand—even if he didn’t agree—and share his perspective. I saw someone who handled conflict extremely well. This is the guy our daughter or son would be able to come to with an open heart knowing they’d be heard.”
A partner who is proactive and resourceful will likely make for a great parenting co-pilot. We’re looking at the dads who independently research daycares and suggest parenting books before their partner has even heard of them. Odds are, these are the same dads who will be changing the diaper and learning where the supplies are before you have to ask.
If your partner wants to chat about every aspect of your life—he listens intently and wants all the details. “[My partner] asks a million and one questions about their day, their friends, their life. He loves to hear all the juice—kind of like a high-school teenager that needs to know everyone’s business. He’s that dad,” says Stephanie F., mom of two in Dallas. Basically, if he shows a genuine interest in other peoples’ lives, chances are he’ll be the person your kids will want to talk to.
Some people have childhoods that they don’t want to replicate with their kids—they want to parent differently than they were parented. If this is the case with your partner and he’s willing to put in the healing work to break generational trauma cycles, that’s a good sign that he’ll be a phenomenal parent. After all, effort and dedication are everything.
A man’s ability to be emotionally present and vulnerable will go a long way in fatherhood. When parents are emotionally vulnerable around their children, it fosters security and creates an environment where feelings are welcome. Because of my husband’s emotional availability, my daughter comes to me and my husband equally when she’s having a hard time. It’s beautiful to see their bond. “A strong father isn’t afraid to express emotions,” Ramos agrees. “He knows that vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s what teaches kids that love, empathy and connection matter, and this is key to being a good dad.”
Does he have a playful side? Kids connect through play, so being able to make things fun can certainly help a parent-child bond. Also, infusing play into daily life can be a great way to help kids move through dull tasks or even process emotions. As Hezekiah H. says, “While providing structure and emotional support are important, engaging in playful activities and sharing moments of laughter can strengthen connections and foster positive memories with your children.”
Those of us lucky enough to have partners who are actively involved dads to their kids can tell you it makes all the difference Above all else, if your partner is willing to learn, grow and evolve, they’ll make a wonderful parent.
Plus, more from The Bump:
Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C, is a marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles. She earned her master’s degree at the University of South Carolina and has over a decade of experience practicing psychotherapy.
Bridget Jones, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist based in Dayton, Ohio. She earned her master’s degree and completed her doctorate degree at Loyola of Maryland.
Richard Ramos, is a parenting and youth expert with over 30 years of experience and the founder of Parents on a Mission. He earned his master’s degree in education and counseling from California Lutheran University.
Charles Sweet, MD, MPH, is a board-certified psychiatrist and medical advisor for Linear Health, a mental health startup based in Austin, Texas. He earned his medical degree at University of Illinois at Chicago and completed his residency at Johns Hopkins Hospital.
Real Parent Perspectives:
- Tamiz A., dad of two in Walnut Creek, California.
- Hezekiah H., dad of two in Chula Vista, California
- Princess Pitts Pierre, mom of two in Pompano Beach, Florida
- Shannon M., mom of one in Auckland, New Zealand
- Stephanie F., mom of two in Dallas
Learn how we ensure the accuracy of our content through our editorial and medical review process.
Navigate forward to interact with the calendar and select a date. Press the question mark key to get the keyboard shortcuts for changing dates.
