Couple Nails Reality of Answering Questions When Expecting After Loss

Pregnancy after loss can be a delicate balance of joy, grief and self-protection. Whether you’re deciding when to share the news or navigating casual conversations with strangers, even the simplest exchanges can stir complicated emotions.

Podcasters and popular content creators Alexandra Madison and Jon Bouffard know this all too well. Last June, they lost their baby, Leo Grey, at 26 weeks. Now expecting their rainbow baby, they’ve been on a daily emotional rollercoaster. Recently, the Give It to Me Straight hosts went viral for a scripted skit that uses humor to capture the awkwardness of answering questions when you’re pregnant after loss.

In the video, a visibly pregnant Madison and Bouffard walk down the street when a stranger (also played by Bouffard in the skit) congratulates them and asks, “Is it your first?” Madison blurts out “Yes,” while Bouffard counters with “No,” leading to a hilarious tug-of-war.

“What are you doing? We don’t even know that guy?” Bouffard says, panicked. “So what, he asked a question and now I’m answering it,” Madison replies. “You don’t have to be that honest,” Bouffard insists. “So you want me to lie, you want me to be a liar?” Madison jokes.

The two volley over whether to keep their history private, just say “yes” and move on or to answer truthfully. Finally, Madison suggests just asking what type of answer the person wants:

“Do you want to have a good day or do you want to maybe cry a little bit? Or how much time do you have? Or do you want me to lie?” Madison asks. “Why would you ask him that?” Bouffard gasps. “He asked us a question first,” Madison retorts. “It should not be this difficult,” Bouffard says.

After going back and forth again, Madison decides she’s got it covered with a simple, “It will hopefully be our first one…to come out alive.” The stunned stranger shuffles away as Madison proclaims it “a great answer” and Bouffard stares in disbelief.

Parents, fans and followers in the comments saluted Bouffard and Madison on their honest and hilarious portrayal and chimed in with their own stories. “Miscarriage needs to be less taboo. Thank you for sharing your comedic relief with the world,” one commenter wrote. “I started being straight up too. I felt so much better. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s day but it validates the existence of my first baby and I find that comforting,” another mother shared. “This is such a hard question. If you’re not honest you feel guilty and like you’re not honoring your baby, but not every person and situation feels safe to open up. Sending love to anyone that this resonates with,” added another.

As an expectant parent dealing with loss, know that it’s alright to say what feels comforting and true to you. And for those doing the asking, one viewer summed it up best: “‘Is this your first?’ and ‘How many children do you have?’ are complicated questions for families who have experienced loss. Thank you for showing the reality bereaved parents face—it’s such an important reminder.”

Not sure how to support a friend after pregnancy loss? Check out these helpful hints for what to do and say from a mom who expierenced her own loss.