BookmarkBookmarkTickBookmarkAddCheckBoxFilledCheckBoxCircleBumpCheckedFilledMedical

How Busy Philips and Her Husband Leveled Their Uneven Parenting Roles

To save their marriage, he stepped up to share in the division of labor.
save article
profile picture of Laurie Ulster
By Laurie Ulster, Contributing Writer
Updated October 4, 2019
actress busy phillips posing at an event
Image: Shutterstock

A lot of couples have struggled with an uneven division of parenting labor. Aside from the logistics of caring for kids, there’s a heaping amount of emotional labor that goes into parenting—something actress Busy Philips found herself shouldering alone. It nearly tanked her marriage, but she and husband recently opened up about how they’ve reshaped their parenting roles to find happiness.

Philips and screenwriter Marc Silverstein have two daughters together, and she has been open about some of their struggles, especially in her recent memoir This Will Only Hurt A Little. She felt that even though they were both working, all the parental responsibilities fell to her, 100 percent of the time. She finally decided she’d had enough and drew a line in the sand: She told her husband, that if things didn’t change, she wanted a divorce.

“My thinking was that if I leave, at least then maybe I’d get two days off a week,” she told Harper’s Bazaar.

Faced with an ultimatum, Silverstein stepped up to the parenting plate. “Marc was like, ‘I’ll do anything,’” she related. “And I was like, ‘Okay, then do everything. Because I have done it all, all by myself, and I’m done, dude.’”

She demanded change, so change happened. Silverstein decided to stay home with the kids, taking over the morning routine, meal prep and bedtime. And the biggest surprise for him was finding out how much he enjoyed it.

Eve Rodsky, author of the Harper’s Bazaar article as well as the book Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do, says she has interviewed hundreds of dads, and that Silverstein’s response was 100 percent consistent with what she’s found: They all feel happier and more invested when they “own” more aspects of their domestic lives, including and especially child-raising.

Silverstein acknowledges he did leave all of the parenting work to his wife after their first daughter was born. “I like being good at stuff,” he said, “and I didn’t feel like I was good, so I stayed away.” But once he realized he could lose his marriage because of it, he was ready to shift gears.

And in the process, he’s not only made Philips happier, but has discovered greater happiness for himself too. “I realized that deep happiness comes from family. And once I figured out what I could bring to the table, things changed. I wanted to do more.”

These days, they split the responsibilities more fairly, they say, and figure out which household tasks each one should take on. Silverstein’s increased responsibilities even make Philips a little envious at times. “He’ll make my Bulletproof coffee and bring it into the bedroom while I’m still sleeping,” she said, “and then leave to take the kids to school. He has conversations with them that I’m jealous of. The closeness he now has with these girls, it’s really special."

They’re also setting an example for their daughters, Phililps added. “I want everything for my girls,” she said, “but the only way they’re going to believe it’s possible for them is if they see me have it.”

Know a little something about uneven parenting roles, but are struggling to address it? It’s not an easy conversation to navigate, but Lasting, the nation’s leading marriage counseling app, can help. Download it and give it a try.

save article
Article removed.
Name added. View Your List
ADVERTISEMENT

Next on Your Reading List

dad opening father's day gift with baby
23 Father’s Day Gifts From Son or Daughter
By Emma O'Regan-Reidy
smiling dad and newborn baby
55 First Father’s Day Gifts That Will Make Him Smile
By Martina Garvey
new parents holding newborn baby on couch at home
The 5 Big Surprises in Store for Your Relationship After Baby Arrives
By Ashlee Neuman
ADVERTISEMENT
4 Ways New Parents Can Strengthen Their Relationship
4 Ways New Parents Can Strengthen Their Relationship
By Tammy Gold
Can Having a Baby Strengthen Your Relationship?
Can Having a Baby Strengthen Your Relationship?
By Jayne Heinrich
Date Night: How Many Parents Are Actually Taking One?
Date Night: How Many Parents Are Actually Taking One?
By Anisa Arsenault
couple having coffee in bed together
The 5 Most Expensive Cities for Valentine's Day Sitters, Study Finds
By Nehal Aggarwal
ADVERTISEMENT
baby being held by his dad outside
22 Cool Gifts for Dad, Perfect for Any Occasion
By Ashlee Neuman
New Sibling Gift Ideas-hero
30 Sweet Gifts for Siblings From Baby, According to Parents
By Emma O'Regan-Reidy
gifts-for-pregnant-friend-HERO
42 Gifts for Pregnant Women That Are Cute and Congratulatory
By Martina Garvey
ADVERTISEMENT
baby baptism shoes and gold cross necklace
17 Baby Baptism Gifts That Bring the Blessings
By Martina Garvey
dad kissing baby at home
The Best Gifts for New Dads, According to Parents
By Martina Garvey
gerber baby 2024 sonny mcleod
Meet 2024 Gerber Baby and Chief Growing Officer Akil "Sonny" McLeod
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
mother and father cuddling newborn baby in hospital bed after labor and delivery
40 Amazing Push Present Ideas to Make a New Mom Feel Loved
By Martina Garvey
pregnant woman relaxing at a resort
10 Daycation Ideas for New and Expectant Parents
By Wyndi Kappes
LGBTQ+ founded brands to support the community
LGBTQ+-Founded Brands That Celebrate Individuality, Equality and Love
By Nehal Aggarwal
friends giving pregnant woman gifts
The Best Mom-To-Be Gifts to Celebrate Her
By Emma O'Regan-Reidy
ADVERTISEMENT
New Mom Gifts
The Best Gifts for New Moms to Make Her Feel Loved
By Martina Garvey
dad hugging mom and infant at home
First Mother’s Day Gift Ideas to Celebrate New and Expectant Moms
By Emma O'Regan-Reidy
toddlers giving mom gifts for mother's day
Last Minute Mother’s Day Gifts That’ll Arrive Right on Time
By Martina Garvey
ADVERTISEMENT
Article removed.