It's Okay if You're Not the Same Person You Were When You Got Married

“I felt guilt over the fact that I wasn’t that same younger, more carefree, more vibrant version of myself he had fallen in love with."
ByStephanie Grassullo
Associate Editor
Published
Jan 2019
photo of couple's hands on their wedding day
Photo: Tiko Giorgadze

“Your husband doesn’t need you to be the same girl he married.”

Read that line over a few times. And then read it again. Let it sink in. Because the point Casey Huff makes in a recent blog post couldn’t be any more true. The mom, who is the author behind the blog Etched in Home with Casey Huff, had a hard time coming to terms with how much she had changed since she and her partner said “I do.” But after lots of self-reflection, she realized this transformation is not only common, but natural.

“I felt guilt over the fact that I wasn’t that same younger, more carefree, more vibrant version of myself he had fallen in love with,” she explains. “I felt like I had fooled him into thinking I was something I wasn’t, only long enough to swoop him up, get him to put a ring on it and bring his babies into this world.”

“Oh, the guilt I felt over not being able to be ‘her’ for him anymore.”

But then she realized she may not be that girl anymore, but her husband wasn’t that boy either—and she wouldn’t want him to be.

“We’ve grown and changed…We’ve faced tragedy and immense joy. We’ve lost loved ones and welcomed the new lives that make our world go ‘round,” she says. “We’ve learned a lot about ourselves as individuals and as teammates in this crazy marriage partnership. We’ve taken on more responsibilities and become wiser in oh so many aspects of this life thing.”

It’s only natural to evolve with life’s changes. With every new experience, you tap into a part of you that never existed before. Motherhood is a perfect example of this.

While the changes may seem scary, you have nothing to worry about. As long as you both give your relationship the attention it needs, your connection will only get stronger. An easy way to always make sure the spark is alive is by setting aside some time just for the two of you. Platforms like Lasting are simple and fun ways to make sure you and your significant other are always in tune.

Like Huff says, she and her husband know better now.

“We know how to communicate better. How to love better. How to coexist better. How to parent better. How to adult better. How to thrive better,” she explains.

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