6 Ways You Can Digitize the Mental Load as an Overwhelmed Parent

So many things surprised me about becoming a mom—like the fact that my baby preferred to sleep strapped to my body instead of laying down in his bassinet, or that fully potty training a toddler actually takes months, not three days. But the thing that struck me most of all? How much stuff my brain was suddenly clogged with that just hadn’t been there before.

Yes, I’m talking about the mental load—aka all of the behind-the-scenes cognitive and emotional work involved in being a caregiver and running a household. Although you probably don’t need a study to tell you this, research shows that moms tend to handle around 70 percent of household tasks that require mental effort. And it can be incredibly draining.

Of course, having a partner who not just fully understands all of the invisible work you do, but also takes ownership of half of it, plays a key role in solving this problem, explains Eve Rodsky, an organizational management expert and best-selling author of *Fair Play * and Find Your Unicorn Space. And while the issue is 100 percent worth addressing, it’s the sort of thing that takes time, effort and deep communication. (Not to mention the fact that not every parent has a partner to turn to.)

Fortunately, there are some ways to work smarter, not harder when tackling the mental load—and new and emerging apps and digital tools can help.

Whether you use them with a partner or on your own, apps can make easy (or easier) work of getting organized, managing schedules, automating tasks and more so that you can claw back some brain space. Here are six ideas for doing just that.

Set Up a Shared “Digital Command Center”

Keeping track of all the things is a major organizational feat when you have kids. And you have to do it every single day. “The hardest part for me is keeping everything in one place—school stuff, appointments, meals—and still remembering myself. My brain is always full,” says Reddit user fabb4.

Shared Google Calendars are a go-to way for many families to stay on top of everyone’s schedules. (With color-coded schedules for different people, please!) All-in-one household management tools like Ohai and Maple take this idea to the next level by acting as legit personal assistants. Ohai, for instance, can pull details from emails and PDFs (like the one telling you all the days when daycare will be closed this year) and put it straight into your calendar, cross-check for schedule conflicts, check in with others to confirm plans and even suggest meal plans with grocery lists that are automatically sent to Instacart.

If you prefer something the whole house can see at once, Hearth Display is a great option. Instead of just showing up on your phone, the app comes with a large digital display that can get set up in a prominent spot in your house. “This makes the invisible tasks visible, inviting partners to come to the table as owners of tasks instead of as helpers,” says Rodsky.

Dump Ideas on a Shared Note or Whiteboard

All those little thoughts and to-dos that run through your brain—but never actually make it out of your mouth? Give them a home in a digital note or whiteboard-style app that you and your partner both have access to.

“It cuts down on unnecessary communication. My wife and I have a shared grocery list so when I go to the store, I don’t have to ask her what she needs. It’s already in the shared note,” says Jacob Mergendoller, LCSW, founding social worker at LightLine Therapy in New York City and dad of a one-year-old.

Melissa Legere, LMFT, a therapist and the co-founder and clinical director at California Behavioral Health in Cathedral City, California, shares a similar experience. “Offloading information allows for better distribution of the mental load—the chaos feels more organized, manageable and transparent,” she says. She’s a fan of digital whiteboard apps like Miro or Mural, which make it easy for you and a partner to set up a shared visual “home base” for anything that tends to clutter your mind—from questions for the pediatrician to links that you want to save for summer-vacation planning. You can also include other caregivers like a grandparent or babysitter.

That said, the Notes app on your iPhone can also get the job done. “I’ve tried all kinds of to-do list apps and I keep coming back to this one. It’s simple, straightforward and syncs easily between my computer and phone. I don’t have to worry about formatting or making things look pretty, which can be a huge time suck for other apps,” Mergendoller says.

Try an All-in-One Meal Planning App

In a recent TikTok video, user Brittany.familyme shared a list of the things she stopped doing in 2025: “Staring at the fridge. Rewriting grocery lists. Buying random food that goes bad Deciding what’s for dinner every night”

This list—which might read more like poetry to you, if you’re the primary cook in your family—was made possible by apps like Ollie and Mealime, which do the work of finding family-friendly recipes, building meal plans that work for your needs and making grocery lists that sync to delivery apps like Instacart. Over time, some even come to learn your family’s tastes so they can start offering suggestions. “For some families, this can alleviate the nightly ‘What are we having for dinner?’ question, which can become a surprising stressor in early parenthood,” Legere says.

If the idea of buying into another dedicated app feels like too much, you can also simply ask ChatGPT (or another AI bot of choice) to make a meal plan and shopping list for you; just remember to be specific about your family’s preferences so you get tailored results.

And if you tend to make the same meals on repeat most weeks? (No judgment—quesadillas are a staple in my house!) You can set up an automated, recurring delivery with Instacart or another delivery service so you always have key ingredients on hand without having to think about it.

Give Yourself Reminders Anytime, Anywhere

Since becoming a mom, this thing has happened to me where something important pops into my head while I’m in the middle of another task, like making breakfast or doing bath time. And then… it immediately leaves my brain. Basically, my ability to remember stuff is so shot that I can’t even hang onto something long enough to write it down.

Mergendoller has an effective way of dealing with this: “As soon as I think of something that I need to do, but I’m in the middle of cooking or playing with my kid, I’ll tell Siri to set a reminder for me the next morning. Then the next morning when I’m at the office and in the right brain space, I’ll either take care of it or add it to my more formal to-do list. It’s basic, yes—but so, so useful,” he says.

Use AI to Help You Think Through Logistics

When TikTok user paigeelles decided she was done with the invisible load of holiday planning, she turned to ChatGPT to help her get organized, giving it prompts like:

“Create a full Christmas budget based on a total spend of $[x]. Break it into gifts, food, events and extras. Design this as a spreadsheet I can share with my partner to update and amend together.” “Here are all the Christmas events, parties, school dates and travel plans we have in December [insert]. Organize them into a clear family schedule and highlight where I can delegate pickups, dropoffs or preparation to my partner or other family members. Make this a printout for everyone to use.”

Genius, right? And it’s not just for holidays. You can use an AI assistant to chat through pretty much any task, from creating the most efficient route for running errands to coming up with a list of activity options for the week. In fact, there are apps that are dedicated to these very tasks, like Peacock Parent, which can help you work through all types of parenting logistics—including tricky questions like how to nicely tell your in-laws that you won’t be going on vacation with them this summer.

Don’t Let Apps Suck You Into More Screen Time

While your phone can (obviously) be a trove of support, having to constantly open up different apps can set the stage for spending way more time on your device that you intended. “I would find myself practically doomscrolling throughout my day. I realized I didn’t want to spend my time with my daughter on my phone, so I’ve been making some changes,” TikTok user brizzygli shared in a recent video.

Sari Chait, PhD, a Newton, Massachusetts-based therapist, is a big fan of using an app like Opal or Jomo to limit screen time or block specific apps that tend to steal your attention (hello, Instagram). “If picking up your phone to check your to-do list leads to a 20-minute doomscroll session, then that task management tool isn’t helpful. [These apps] minimize the noise that tends to make the mental load even heavier,” she says.

My personal favorite is the physical app blocker Brick. You tap your phone to the small, palm-sized device to block your chosen apps, and they stay blocked until you tap your phone to it again to unblock them. For me, it’s been the easiest way to be able to access the need-to-have stuff (like my Google Calendar) while keeping me totally off the apps that distract me. It doesn’t actually make my to-do list shorter, but it does help me feel a whole lot calmer. And for many parents including myself, that’s a huge win.