8 Ways to Teach Toddlers and Young Children to Cultivate Gratitude

Since the dawn of time (probably), parents have been telling their children about the importance of gratitude. We tell our kids to say “thank you” after receiving gifts and to count their blessings because not everyone’s as fortunate. It only makes sense: Manners are important, and being grateful spreads good vibes.

But enforcing gratitude can also backfire—kids are smart, after all. They might end up memorizing their lines but losing the feeling behind them, which is a pattern I recognized in myself as an adult. For a long time, I was reluctant to start a gratitude practice because a part of me associated it with duty and performance. It’s taken real work for me to unpack my relationship with gratitude and feel it genuinely again.

Gratitude has many definitions—people describe it as a practice, a muscle to strengthen, a habit, a virtue and even an attitude. However, in reality, gratitude is a feeling. And what we know about feelings is that they occur naturally inside of us. We can’t force (or banish) any of our kids’ emotions, but we can learn to recognize and cultivate them.

So how do we raise kids to truly feel the gratitude we want them to express? Ahead, psychologists and real parents share how they help toddlers and young kids capture and grow that thankful feeling.

Allow Frustration

Teaching kids they’re allowed to feel frustrated and to want things they don’t have is the (perhaps paradoxical) foundation to cultivating genuine gratitude. “A child who’s told, ‘Don’t be upset, be thankful’ learns that their body’s natural and primal emotions—like frustration, sadness or anger—are ‘wrong,’” says Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, an anxiety, trauma and attachment therapist based in Los Angeles. Instead, validating your child’s emotions can help them feel emotionally secure and experience gratitude naturally. “Gratitude grows when they feel seen in their frustration and reminded that good things still exist alongside it,” she adds.

Normalize That Multiple Feelings Can Exist

A child might feel frustration or jealousy in a moment when they’re “supposed” to be expressing gratitude, and that’s okay. Normalizing that many feelings can coexist is key to a healthy inner world. “It’s totally normal for a child to have a temper tantrum when they want a new toy, while also still feeling thankful for what they already have,” says Groskopf. “Teaching them that both can coexist builds emotional range instead of perfectionism.”

Model Gratitude

Making a point to express gratitude around your child can familiarize them with the practice while taking the pressure off their performance. “One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is to narrate my own gratitude out loud, not as a lecture, but as a lived example,” says Meghan P., a mom of three in Miami. “For instance, when we’re driving to school, I’ll say things like, ‘I’m really grateful for this sunshine today’ or ‘I’m thankful we get to start our morning together.’ It becomes part of the family’s language instead of a ‘teaching moment.’”

Point Out Moments of Reciprocity

Empathy and gratitude are deeply intertwined, and teaching one often strengthens the other. “Gratitude actually evolved to strengthen social bonds. Help your children notice this: ‘You gave your friend a toy, and she smiled. How did that feel in your body?’ That’s really the foundation of empathy,” says Groskopf. “What we’re attempting to do is to bring awareness and recognition so they can think about the next step, which is verbalizing and expressing gratitude,” adds Cory Reid-Vanas, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist based in Denver.

Encouraging kids to notice how both giving and receiving bring joy to everyone can help them understand the natural reciprocity in relationships. Over time, these reflections can build a genuine mindset of gratitude.

Weave Gratitude Into Your Family Rituals

Find authentic ways to sprinkle gratitude into your daily rhythm. When your family gratitude practice is centered on delight, it’ll help your child express it freely. “We do a quick reflection at bedtime about what made us feel happy that day—not what we should be thankful for, but what genuinely mattered to us," says Brandon L., dad of two in Los Angeles. “Sometimes they’ll mention small things like ‘playing tag at recess,’ and that helps them associate gratitude with joy instead of guilt.”

Don’t Rush Repair or Gratitude After Conflict

To ensure gratitude is linked to joy and appreciation rather than guilt and shame, make sure not to force it in tricky moments. “Don’t rush repair or gratitude after conflict. Let kids settle first. Their prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for logic and empathy—is totally offline when they’re dysregulated. And forcing them to say ‘thank you’ or ‘I’m sorry’ in that moment can actually wire [them for] shame, not gratitude,” says Groskopf.

Turn Gratitude Into Play

A great way to cultivate thankfulness in toddlers and young kids is by joining them where they live—in the world of play. Hilary Goulding, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist based in Greenwood Village, Colorado, suggests playing “gratitude I spy,” where you take turns pointing out things that bring you joy, or going on a gratitude scavenger hunt with your kids. “Bring a basket and help your child collect things that represent something they’re grateful for,” she says.

Keep Expectations Age-Appropriate

A toddler’s gratitude practice will look a whole lot different than an older child’s. Keep age-appropriate expectations in mind around expressing gratitude. “Instead of pushing for perfect manners, we can model age-appropriate ways to show appreciation,” says Tim G., a dad of three in Tucson, Arizona. “As [my kids] have gotten older, our conversations about kindness and gratitude have become more nuanced. Gratitude is increasingly about empathy and connection, rather than rules and expectations.”

Teaching kids about the importance of gratitude isn’t as simple as telling them to say “thank you.” It’s about normalizing all types of feelings, modeling gratitude in a healthy way, weaving it into your family rituals—and keeping it playful. This’ll help set your kids up with healthy gratitude habits for life—and that’s something to be thankful for.

Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.