How One Couple Trying to Conceive Finds Hope After Miscarriage

“We are still calling it a miracle, because it was one.”
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profile picture of Stephanie Grassullo
Associate Editor
January 4, 2019
couple gazes into each other's eyes with body of water in the background
Image: Ryan Jacobson

“A lot can happen in a month.”

For Carissa Barzee and her husband, Brian, one month meant both the start and end of a life. When the pair went for their baby’s second ultrasound, it felt like they were hit by a ton of bricks after being told, “I’m sorry, there was no heartbeat today.”

Barzee bravely shares all the conflicting emotions the two have been going through, and how they manage to stay hopeful through it all.

On Nov. 29, Barzee and her husband were thrilled to find out they were pregnant. But on Dec. 19, the celebrations came to halt when their baby no longer had a heartbeat.

“I couldn’t see the screen, but I looked over and saw Brian put his head down. I put one arm on his back and one over my eyes and began to sob. It was happening all over again,” she says.

Shortly after, she went for the D&C (dilation and curettage) procedure, and the couple prepared themselves as best as they could to say goodbye.

“Before I was wheeled back to surgery, my husband kissed me and told me he loved me. The last thing I remember was going into the OR a little dizzy, the mask being put on my face and tears falling while I closed my eyes,” Barzee recounts.

Experiencing a loss like this can be extremely hard on a couple. And while you don’t mean for it to happen, couples tend to take their anger out on each other. When times get tough, take a moment to remember what made you start this journey to grow your family. Being reminded of the love you have for each other will help get you back on track. Plus, with modern-day technology offering tons of helpful apps, podcasts and resources, there are so many ways to help your connection stay strong. Take the Lasting app—it’s an easy way to get a handle back on your relationship, with personalized advice and exercises catered to you and your partner.

“Brian and I are trying so hard to focus on the silver linings of this miracle pregnancy. We are still calling it a miracle, because it was one,” Brazee explains.

And through it all, they manage to stay hopeful.

“This pregnancy has given me so much hope. I know that it can and will happen naturally again,” she says. “I am going to hold onto this feeling, especially over the next three months, while we try for our double rainbow baby.”

When you’re struggling to conceive, it’s important to share your story with someone. It may be hard not to feel like the only person alive going through infertility challenges, but it’s something you should never hide. Once you allow yourself to open up, you’ll soon discover you’re far from alone.

“We are doing okay. Heartbroken…But okay,” Barzee openly shares.

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