Baby-Making Sex: the 10 Most Frequently Asked Questions, Answered
Ready to start trying for baby? The decision to start a family is an exciting one, and the journey to parenthood will look different for every person and couple. (After all, there are lots of ways to get to baby!)
While you probably learned about reproduction in biology or sex-ed class, baby making isn’t always as simple as it sounds. And if you’re just getting started, you might have questions about trying to conceive through sex. Feeling a bit too embarrassed to outright ask your doctor? We’ve got you covered. Keep reading for answers to a few of the most common baby-making sex FAQs—so you can start your family-planning journey with confidence and clarity.
Regular menstrual cycles usually imply regular ovulation cycles, says Priyanka Ghosh, MD, a reproductive endocrinologist at the Columbia University Fertility Center in New York City—but there may be exceptions. According to Skyler Jacobs, CNM, a certified nurse midwife with Modern Obstetrics and Gynecology of North Atlanta in Georgia, while not common, ovulation can occur irregularly despite regular periods. This is why it’s important to know that regular periods don’t necessarily guarantee fertility. “Not all ovulation is created equal,” adds Aimee Eyvazzadeh, MD, ob-gyn, reproductive endocrinologist and medical director for Proov. “It’s possible to release an egg, but not have enough estrogen or progesterone to promote healthy implantation and pregnancy.”
While you can track ovulation through testing kits or by charting your basal body temperature, Ghosh notes that medically conducted blood tests are the most accurate way to monitor hormones and ovulation. “Problems with ovulation are the leading cause of infertility, followed closely by male factor infertility,” Eyvazzadeh adds.
According to Ghosh, the fertile window truly occurs in the couple of days leading up to ovulation. Once ovulation occurs, the egg that’s been released usually stays around for 24 hours. However, sperm actually stays in the female reproductive tract for three to five days following intercourse. As long as you’ve had intercourse at least once or twice before ovulation, there’s a good chance there may still be sperm hanging around to fertilize the released egg, Ghosh explains.
Wondering if having an orgasm during intercourse with a male partner will help or hurt your chances of conceiving? When a female has an orgasm, her uterus contracts, causing a vacuum effect, and this may help move the sperm closer to the egg (located in the ovaries). That said, “having an orgasm isn’t essential for conception, as the sperm can still reach the egg even without one,” Chuang notes. A male orgasm, however, is necessary, as that’s what releases the sperm.
You might be wondering how masturbation may affect your chances of making a baby. According to Jacobs, female masturbation won’t affect your chances of conceiving, but male masturbation might. Frequent male masturbation around your fertile period can temporarily reduce your partner’s sperm count. Eyvazzadeh points out that this may pose a greater issue for male partners with already low sperm counts.
Meleen Chuang, MD, an ob-gyn and clinical associate professor at the Family Health Centers at NYU Langone, suggests male partners abstain from masturbating during your fertile period, when you’ll be having regular sex together. For the rest of the month, however, male masturbation won’t present a problem.
When it comes to conceiving a child, the goal is for sperm to be ejaculated near the cervix. Jacobs recommends the missionary position because it allows for deep penetration and helps “optimize the sperm’s ability to enter the uterus.” However, the specific sexual position doesn’t necessarily impact conception chances. “As long as sperm is ejaculated near the cervix, it can reach the egg,” Chuang says. Talk to your partner and experiment with whatever positions feel the most enjoyable and comfortable for both of you.
Yes, there are some lubricant options that can affect sperm motility and decrease the chances of conceiving. Chuang recommends avoiding any with harmful ingredients, like spermicides, while Ghosh says to skip water-based lubricants, as they’ve been shown to decrease sperm motility. Rather, she recommends lubricants that are canola- or mineral-oil based. Jacobs also suggests looking for lubricants that have been FDA-approved for fertility and conception.
Unfortunately, there isn’t a clear-cut answer here, as each woman’s baseline of what’s normal will vary. Pain may be caused by your specific pelvic musculature, nerves in your pelvic floor, a vaginal infection or soreness from increased frequency of intercourse, notes Jacobs. “If sex is painful or difficult to have frequently, it’s important to communicate openly with your partner,” Chuang says. Reach out to your provider or a sex therapist for help—and remember that you probably don’t need to be having as much sex as you think you do to conceive.
After a male partner ejaculates, the fluid that carries the sperm liquefies, and most of it runs out of your body. This is okay—your body doesn’t need and can’t use that fluid. “What leaks out after sex is the seminal fluid,” explains Eyvazzadeh. “The sperm itself stays inside and continues to swim towards the ovary. In fact, sperm can live in your reproductive tract for up to five days during the fertile window. So don’t worry if fluid leaks out. It’s normal and ideal.” Moreover, there are millions of sperm per ejaculation, and you really only need one to make it through the uterus and into the fallopian tubes.
So does lying down after intercourse help with chances of conceiving baby? Experts are divided. Chuang recommends lying on your back with a pillow under your hips for about 15 to 20 minutes after intercourse, as it may help the sperm reach the cervix. However, Eyvazzadeh caveats that this won’t definitively do anything: “If the male partner has a good motile sperm count, the sperm can swim to where they need to go,” she says, adding that trying to hold semen in for long periods of time may actually cause vaginal and urinary infections, which could reduce chances of conception.
According to experts, there are many reasons your period could be late, including stress, sickness, medication and hormonal changes. Eyvazzadeh cites a study that found COVID infections could delay ovulation by up to a week. “An occasional long cycle can be normal and doesn’t always mean you were pregnant,” she adds. Ultimately, the only way to know whether you’re having a miscarriage is with a blood test, Ghosh says.
“Personally, I think there’s no wrong time to seek consultation with a reproductive endocrinologist and infertility specialists—even if it’s just to do some baseline testing or to have a better understanding of some elements of either the male or female partner’s medical history,” Ghosh says. In fact, she adds it can be helpful to let your ob-gyn know you want to start trying to better understand your options and make more informed decisions when it comes to family planning. Jacobs agrees, adding that a preconception visit to discuss medical history and recommendations for conception can be incredibly helpful when trying to conceive.
Once you’ve already started to try for baby, experts agree that a woman should reach out to a provider after a year of trying if under the age of 35, or after 6 months of trying if over the age of 35. If you’re 40 or over, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), advises talking to your doctor about being evaluated sooner than later.
Wherever you are in your journey, know that conceiving can take time. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your doctor if your gut is telling you to. Your specific medical history, family history and genetics may warrant an earlier fertility evaluation, Ghosh adds. While trying for baby can be a beautiful journey, it can also be a taxing and emotional one. You’re bound to have questions as you embark on your family-planning journey, and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or inhibited about asking any of them.
“Remember to take care of your overall well-being during this journey,” Chuang says. “Reducing stress, maintaining a healthy lifestyle and seeking support from your partner, loved ones or healthcare professionals can greatly contribute to a positive conception experience.”
Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.
Plus, more from The Bump:
Meleen Chuang, MD, is an ob-gyn and clinical associate professor at the Family Health Centers at NYU Langone. She earned her medical degree from SUNY Stony Brook.
Aimee Eyvazzadeh, MD, is an ob-gyn, reproductive endocrinologist and fertility expert with over 20 years of experience. She also currently serves as the medical director for Proov. She earned her medical degree from UCLA School of Medicine and completed her ob-gyn residency at Harvard Medical School. She also completed her fellowship in reproductive endocrinology and infertility, as well as earned her masters degree in public health, from the University of Michigan.
Priyanka Ghosh, MD, is a reproductive endocrinologist at the Columbia University Fertility Center in New York City. She earned her medical degree from the University of Connecticut School of Medicine.
Skyler Jacobs, CNM, is a certified nurse midwife practicing full-scope midwifery in the hospital and clinic setting. She is also the founder of Well & Worthy Co. where she passionately empowers expecting women through their pregnancy, birth and postpartum journey. Jacobs earned her master’s degree at Vanderbilt’s School of Nursing in Nashville, Tennessee.
American Pregnancy Association, Fertility Lubricants, 2023
International Journal of Clinical Practice, Menstrual Changes after COVID-19 Infection and COVID-19 Vaccination, October 2022
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