CircleBumpCheckedFilledMedicalBookmarkBookmarkTickBookmarkAddCheckBoxCheckBoxFilled

10 Men That Single Moms Should Avoid

Getting back into dating after baby can be tough — and complicated. (But you deserve a shot at love, mama!) So what red flags should you be looking for?
save article
profile picture of Christine Coppa
Updated March 2, 2017
Hero Image
Image: iStock

I’m a single mom, and it took me a solid three years to go on a date after my son was born. It’s funny how, when you’re a mom, dating isn’t just about you — it’s about your child. Whether each man I date knows it or not, I’m testing him from day one. Does he like kids? Will he be more into his BMW than me? Are his boys his priority?

So while dating _should _be fun, exciting and a break from the tough parts of single motherhood, don’t get waste your time with anyone on this list.

1. Sugar Daddy

This is the guy that tells you about his yearly bonus, designer suits and finds a way to ease the topic of money into every conversation. According to Leah Klungness, PhD, psychologist and co-author of The Complete Single Mother, guys who love to flash a big wad of cash and talk non-stop about their jobs reveal their life priorities. “It’s all about things,” Klungness says. In other words, he’s not looking to settle down or meet your kid any time soon. “He’s insecure and desperately needs to demonstrate control.” So what if he ordered an eighty-dollar bottle of wine at dinner and drives a nice car? If he didn’t compliment your dress or ask about your day, he’s not the one.

2. Text-Only Guy

Texting is an easy way to communicate a quick hello or an “I’m running late,” but face it, dating as a single mom is different than dating as a single woman. You likely can’t drop everything for a date, or sleepover mid-week, so this means you really need to keep the communication flowing to compensate for the lack of face time. If he’s not down to chat for twenty-minutes on the phone or Skype after your baby is asleep, he’s not dating material for you.

Related Video

3. Deadbeat Dad

You may know how crazy it can be to coordinate with an ex when it comes to visitation and finances. So you might be tempted to let it slide if a guy doesn’t see his kids often “because his ex is crazy” or he “wasn’t ready to be a dad.” But don’t.

“The blame game antics are lame cover-ups,” says Klungness. “His choice to abandon his kids — emotionally or financially — should be an instant deal breaker.” You don’t want his baggage in your life.

4. Party Animal

Yep, single moms have every right to let their hair down and have a good time. But having a hangover and caring for a baby don’t mix. If your man thinks the ideal date is all-night clubbing with bottle service, he’s not going to be up for diaper changing at 5 a.m. Enough said.

5. Home Turfer

At first, you unconsciously like escaping your world to hang out in his. (The baby is with grandma and you’re getting a break from the single mommy routine!) But if he’s constantly refusing to come to your neck of the woods, that’s a sign something’s not quite right.

“If making the effort to get together with you on your turf doesn’t interest him, then he’s just not that into you and is likely seeing other women,” warns Klungness.

6. Insta-Dad

Your one-date-wonder wants to meet your kid already? This may be his awkward way of letting you know that he’s fine with your single mom status. But don’t feel pressure to force this meeting. “Make it clear it’s 100 percent your call when or _if _your kid meets him,” says Klungness. “If he has a problem with that, cut him loose!”

7. Mr. ADD

When you go out on a date, you don’t want to deal with someone who’s constantly making lame jokes with the waitress, or who can’t take his eyes off the basketball game on TV or the pretty woman at the bar. Find someone who has a bigger attention span than your toddler does. “Your two year-old will grow up and grow out of the short attention phase,” says Klungness. “This is _not _just a phase for this guy. He’s letting you know, loud and clear, that you’re barely on his radar.”

8. Issues Man

He’s depressed and won’t see a doctor. He downs three Manhattans before the appetizers arrive. You found a bottle of painkillers in his medicine cabinet, but he’s not hurt and hasn’t been any time recently. He’s asked you for money. The most important reason not to date someone with serious issues is that you won’t want him around your child. The other reason is that his problem _will _get in the way of his relationship with you. You can’t fix him, so, wish him well and run away, mama.

9. Over-the-Top Mama’s Boy

If he drops everything to change a light bulb at his mom’s house and takes her calls when you’re in bed together (ew), there may be a good reason. “Is she in poor health? Recently widowed? Emotionally unstable?” asks Klungness. “Remember, guys that treat their moms well are usually keepers.” But if there’s no good reason for him to be attached to Mom’s apron strings, you should probably rethink the relationship because you’re not his main squeeze. His mom is.

10. Your Neighbor

He’s hot, single, nice to your kid and gave you an emergency cup of milk once. It’s tempting and seemingly easy to, well, get it on with the guy next door — but don’t do it if you’re not serious about him. If it ends badly, he’ll still be your neighbor, which means he’ll be in your life. And your kid’s. Your child won’t understand why it’s suddenly weird for him to play catch with the neighbor or why you hide when you see his new girlfriend pull into the driveway.

Christine Coppais a single, dating mom. Recently, a sweet guy bought her kid an ice cream and spent the day at the park with them. She’s hopeful.

save article
ADVERTISEMENT

Next on Your Reading List

Charlie McDowell and Lily Collins attend a special presentation of "The Summer Book" at The Curzon Mayfair on October 12, 2024 in London, England
Lily Collins’ Husband Charlie McDowell Addresses Surrogacy Critics
By Wyndi Kappes
Aaron Judge #99 of the New York Yankees and wife Samantha Bracksieck pose for photos after the New York Yankees beat the Cleveland Guardians
Yankees Star Aaron Judge and Wife Samantha Welcome Their First Child
By Wyndi Kappes
pregnant woman holding a prenatal vitamin capsule
Study Identifies Prenatal Vitamins That May Lower Infant Death Risk
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
Gisele Bündchen pictured on The Kelly Clarkson Show - Season 5
Gisele Bündchen Welcomes Baby No. 3
By Wyndi Kappes
woman standing in bathroom, incontinence concept
85% of Moms Struggle With This Postpartum Symptom—Yet Few Get Help
By Wyndi Kappes
Milo Ventimiglia and Jarah Mariano red carpet
Milo Ventimiglia & Jarah Mariano Welcome Baby After Losing Home in LA Fires
By Wyndi Kappes
gerber soothe n chew sticks recall
Gerber Recalls Soothe N Chew Teething Sticks Due to Choking Risk
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
josh peck and wife paige o'brien pregnant with third baby
Josh Peck and Paige O'Brien Are Expecting Baby No. 3
By Wyndi Kappes
J.J. Watt #99 of the Arizona Cardinals talks with his wife Kealia Watt and son Koa Watt prior to the game against the San Francisco 49ers at Levi's Stadium on January 08, 2023 in Santa Clara, California
JJ Watt and Kealia Watt Are Soon-To-Be a Family of Four
By Wyndi Kappes
father holding and looking at infant baby
New Study Shows a 12% Increase in Sleep-Related Infant Deaths
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
mom holding sleeping baby while looking at phone screen
Singapore Bans ‘Background Screen Time’ for Kids Under 18 Months
By Wyndi Kappes
Exterior of a Krispy Kreme Doughnuts shop in Rosemont, Illinois
Mom Delivers Baby in Krispy Kreme Parking Lot During Alabama Snowstorm
By Wyndi Kappes
dad changing baby diaper
The Viral Diaper Change Hack That Can Help Keep Parents Pee Free
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
toddler looking out window on a snowy winter day
Mom’s Cheap and Creative Winter Toddler Activity Ideas Go Viral
By Wyndi Kappes
Skai Jackson at the Los Angeles Premiere of "The Man In The White Van" at Culver Theater on December 10, 2024 in Culver City, California
Disney Channel Alum Skai Jackson Welcomes Her First Child
By Wyndi Kappes
mom putting baby into crib
Move a Sleeping Baby to Their Crib Without Waking, Thanks to This Hack
By Wyndi Kappes
Anthony Rizzo #48 of the New York Yankees and Emily Vakos
MLB Star Anthony Rizzo and Emily Vakos Are Expecting Their First Baby
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
Cam Arnold and Lauren Alaina attend the 17th Academy Of Country Music Honors at Ryman Auditorium on August 21, 2024 in Nashville, Tennessee
Country Singer Lauren Alaina Is Pregnant
By Wyndi Kappes
Alex Morgan #13 of the U.S. Women's National Team looks on before the game against South Korea at Dick's Sporting Goods Park on June 1, 2024 in Commerce City, Colorado
Soccer Star Alex Morgan Reveals the Sex of Baby No. 2
By Wyndi Kappes
pregnant couple decorating baby's nursery
2025's Hottest Colors to Incorporate Into Baby’s Nursery
By Wyndi Kappes
ADVERTISEMENT
Article removed.
Article removed.
Name added. View Your List