Bad Behavior Often Comes Before Big Progress, Psychologist Says

Every parent has those moments when it feels like their child is falling apart instead of moving forward. Maybe your once sweet and quiet kid is suddenly hitting, yelling or having daily meltdowns. It’s easy to shoulder the blame during those extra rough patches, but before you do, psychologist and mom of three Dr. Jazmine McCoy reminds parents that something big (and surprisingly positive) may actually be at work.

In a new video that’s taking off on Instagram, McCoy drops a parenting knowledge bomb: Your child’s worst behavior often happens right before their biggest breakthrough. “If your child’s behavior is getting WORSE lately, this might actually be why. Ages two to three, hitting increases as language explodes. Ages four to five, aggression peaks as they’re developing social skills. Ages seven to eight, defiance runs rampant as they are developing their own sense of identity and craving more and more independence,” she explains.

“So I want to give you this gentle offering that maybe you’re not doing anything wrong. Your child’s brain is just literally developing right before your very eyes,” she adds.

The science backs up McCoy’s point. When kids reach new milestones their ability to manage big feelings doesn’t always keep pace. That mismatch often shows up as tantrums, defiance or even regressions in skills like potty training, which they seemed to have mastered. And while it may feel less than ideal in the moment, these rough phases are actually a normal and expected part of development.

McCoy’s message struck a chord with parents in the comments, offering a much-needed silver lining to behaviors that often feel nonsensical. “I have noticed this in my daughter as well. As soon as she was done having some kind of demon phase she would have a huge growth development and that’s how I made it through the rough times,” one mom wrote. “Yes! I’ve noticed that parenting can be extra challenging during those developmental ‘leaps,’” added another therapist. “Girl we are 2.75 right now and she is testing me daily! Phew this is good to hear,” another parent shared.

If you’re navigating an especially rough patch in your child’s behavior, take heart in knowing it may be the sign of something positive just around the corner. And in the meantime? Check out these expert-recommended and parent-approved tips for managing meltdowns.