What's a Grandparent Shower and Should You Have One?

Nesting parties, display showers and sip-and-sees are just a few of the latest trends to hit the baby shower scene. One of the newest—and most controversial—to pop up on TikTok is the grandparent shower. In the viral clips fueling the debate, some viewers call the gatherings “a sweet way to celebrate,” while others insist they’re “a gift grab in disguise.”

National etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, founder of The Protocol School of Texas, says the truth lies somewhere in the middle. “Some grandparents wouldn’t dream of having a grandparent shower, and others think it’s fun,” Gottsman shares. “It really comes down to the people involved and how the celebration is handled.”

What Is a Grandparent Shower?

A grandparent shower—sometimes called a “grandma shower” or “grandbaby shower”—is hosted by friends, neighbors or members of a grandparent’s community to celebrate their upcoming role. The gatherings can be as simple as a brunch or backyard party, and may include small, practical gifts like babyproofing materials or a high chair for when the baby visits.

Gottsman notes they’re often most appreciated when grandparents live far from the parents-to-be or will be closely involved in childcare. “Maybe the grandparent will be a vital part of the first few months or watch the baby for the first year,” she says. “It can be a nice gesture from the people in their life who want to acknowledge that new chapter.”

When They’re Appropriate and When They Cross the Line

The first step in making sure a grandparent shower is appropriate is to get the parents’ blessing. “Check with the mom-to-be first—make sure you’re not overlapping with guests or date of the celebration,” she advises. “Get a feel for what the parents think about it and act accordingly.”

Once you have the parents’ okay it’s also important to get the okay of the grandparent. “Some grandparents wouldn’t dream of having a grandparent shower, and others would think it is fun,” Gottsman adds. “In other words, much like favorite ice cream flavors, everyone is different.”

While many see grandparent showers as harmless fun, they can quickly shift into awkward territory. “They cross the line when it appears to take advantage of other people’s goodwill,” Gottsman explains. “When grandparents propose a registry (poor taste), and then ask for grandiose gifts, it becomes off-putting, and can appear greedy.”

Overshadowing the parents-to-be or duplicating their celebration is also widely considered bad form. If the shower feels like it’s taking the shine away from the baby shower or is competing for the same guests’ time and money, it’s not in good taste.

How to Host One Thoughtfully

A tasteful grandparent shower should be lighthearted, modest, and rooted in connection and celebration rather than consumption. Gottsman recommends hosts follow these etiquette guidelines:

• Keep things casual. Some hosts skip the term “shower” altogether and instead frame it as a brunch or casual celebration. “Let people know you prefer no gifts, only good wishes for the baby,” Gottsman suggests. This can help avoid any gift-grab accusations.
• If gifts are given, keep them practical and modest. “You can ask for something specific to help with the baby when they’re at the house—generic gifts are nice, such as diapers, onesies, or a baby monitor,” Gottsman shares.
• Match the tone to the need. In some cases, the event can also be an opportunity for the community to rally around a family. “Some grandparents may be helping out financially, or because there is a medical or financial need, the church or community of close friends may want to assist in helping both grandparents, parents, and child,” Gottsman says.

Above all remember to to keep the focus where it belongs. This should be about joy and celebration—not obligation. If you keep that in mind, you’ll avoid most of the etiquette pitfalls.