How to Navigate Your Pregnancy (and Privacy) During the Holidays

If you’re newly pregnant and heading into the holiday season, you may be bracing yourself for some uncomfortable conversations (and even less comfortable pregnancy symptoms). Especially if you’re still trying to keep your pregnancy a secret, being pregnant during the holly-jolly season can feel like pulling off a heist. Between your bestie and her pregnancy-detecting laser eyes and your all-day morning sickness, get-togethers can feel overwhelming fast.

I have an August baby, so I know a thing or two about hiding a brand-new pregnancy during the most wonderful time of the year. When I was about five minutes pregnant and had only shared the news with my husband, I spent an entire family holiday trip feeling miserable and making up reasons why I was falling asleep on the couch at 6 p.m. every day. At one point, my uncle told my mom that my face looked “puffy” and wondered aloud if I was pregnant. Sigh.

It can be tough to navigate the holidays with the added awkwardness, anxiety and fatigue of a new pregnancy. But fret not—we’re here to help. Ahead, we’ve outlined some all-too-common challenges the newly expecting face during this festive time of year—plus, how to navigate any tricky terrain.

Challenge: You’re Not Ready to Share Your News Yet—and It Just Feels Awkward

When, where and to whom to announce your pregnancy is a personal decision—but some people can get very nosy.

The fix: What to say and do

If you think some of your family members might suspect what you don’t want them to know—and things start to feel heavy and awkward—repeat these mantras: “They can feel curious and suspicious.” “I don’t have to tell anyone before I’m ready.” “My comfort matters.” This is easier said than done for most of us—but it’s important to stick to your decision and maintain boundaries. “Remember, it’s your news to share when and if you’re ready,” says Emma Basch, PsyD, a clinical psychologist specializing in perinatal and reproductive mental health based in Washington, DC. “You’re under no obligation to tell anyone anything.”

Challenge: You Need to Dress a Bump (But Don’t Want to Shop Just Yet!)

If your pregnancy belly is ready to shout the big news before you—or you’re not ready to shell out for maternity clothes yet, rest assured that you’ve got options.

The fix: What to do

“To hide a small bump, opt for loose, layered clothing; oversized sweaters, scarves or tailored blazers can keep you feeling at ease and confident without attracting attention,” says Allison Barton, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist specializing in perinatal health based in San Diego. “Concentrate on being yourself, not on concealing.” A ruched top can also help hide your bump. And, you can try wearing V-necks, bold patterns and statement accessories to draw attention away from your belly. When all else fails, a big Santa sweater could be just what you need!

Challenge: Everyone Is Pushing Champagne and Questioning the Choices on Your Plate

You may get some raised eyebrows when you suddenly turn down a glass of bubbly. And if you’re feeling queasy and not up for eating the holiday ham—or skipping anything else that feels iffy for pregnancy—you might get some side-eye too.

The fix: What to say and do

You could just say you don’t feel like drinking—and let ‘em think whatever they want. Or, you could tell a little white lie. When Sarah H., mom of three in West Yorkshire, UK, was at a party with friends and hiding her pregnancy, she told them she wasn’t drinking because she was on antibiotics. “If anyone asked me what the antibiotics were for, I explained they were for a bladder infection that was making me bloated and zapping all my energy—this also covered me for any instinctive ‘holding my tummy’ moments without it looking suspect!” she says.

Alternatively, you could always take the route of pretending: “I’ve learned a few subtle tricks—like pouring myself a glass of wine at a ‘paint and sip’ party and never actually drinking it—or buying a beer at a bar just to carry around. No one ever notices that I don’t take a single sip,” says Diana B., a mom of two in Glastonbury, Connecticut.

Challenge: Dealing With Morning Sickness—at All Morning, Noon and Nighttime Holiday Events

As anyone who’s ever experienced it knows, “morning” sickness is a 24-hour condition. Trying to hide it from family and friends can be extra tricky—but it’s generally doable.

The fix: What to say and do

If your nausea is generally mild or moderate, you can just tell people you’re feeling a little off. “Bring bland snacks and sit close to the bathroom. Take breaks outside when needed,” suggests Caitlyn Oscarson, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist based in San Francisco. And don’t feel like you need to tough it out. “If you’re truly feeling poorly, it’s also okay to opt out of some events—there are many years ahead to celebrate, and it’s okay if you need to focus on resting and recuperating this time around,” she adds.

Challenge: Overwhelming Fatigue, Travel and Loss of Routine

Holiday travel can be challenging under the best of circumstances. When you’re in your first trimester, all of this can be downright nightmarish.

The fix: What to do

Practice it with us: “N-O.” Your health and well-being are paramount during this time, so be sure to prioritize rest as much as possible. This might mean turning down some plans that involve traveling, and that’s perfectly okay. If you feel like you can rally for some travel, make sure to take along any comfort items such as your pregnancy pillow and any morning sickness remedies.

Challenge: Your Schedule Is Packed With Family Obligations, But You’re Not Feeling Your Best

All you want to do is stay home and lay on the couch, but you have about a bazillion events on your schedule. Again, it’s important to learn to say no, or curate your calendar for what matters most.

The fix: What to say and do

Your wellness is important, and it’s perfectly acceptable to bow out of obligations now that you’re growing an entire baby. Oscarson suggests saying, “I’m pretty low energy today—I’ll make an appearance but I may need to head out early.” Diana B. adds, “Whether you’re expecting, a mom of six or child-free, no woman should ever feel guilty about saying ‘no’ when she’s overwhelmed, stressed or simply has too much on her plate. After all, what’s the point of a gathering if you’re not enjoying it?”

Challenge: Surviving the Physical Discomforts of Holiday Feasts and Events

On top of morning sickness, you might be experiencing some other delightful pregnancy symptoms—like heartburn, a superhuman sense of smell or strong food aversions. Suddenly everyone’s perfume, those festive candles and the hors d’oeuvres are making you feel gross.

The fix: What to say and do

If your all-too-normal pregnancy symptoms are getting in the way of your ability to party, find opportunities to rest, avoid things that cause discomfort or step away. Feel free to find an excuse to hang out in another room with fewer smells—or just skip the party. (Again, saying no is okay!)

Challenge: You’ve Told Some People, and They Already Have an Opinion About Your Body, Your Baby and Your Birth Plan

You haven’t even wrapped your head around being pregnant yet, and already Aunt Karen is asking what type of birth you plan to have and dishing out all sorts of outdated advice.

The fix: What to say and do

Until people learn to keep their unsolicited opinions about women’s bodies and parenting to themselves, we’re all going to have to keep reciting boundaries in the mirror. Remember, you are the boss of your body, your baby and your birth plan. In response to comments about your growing belly, you can say, “I don’t feel comfortable with comments about my body.” Full stop. When it comes to opinions about your baby and birth plan, Anjali H., a mom of one in Hong Kong, recommends saying, “We appreciate the advice, but we’re making decisions that feel right for us.”

Challenge: You’re Anxious About the Pregnancy and Having a Hard Time Putting On a “Party Face”

The first trimester can be a scary time for some moms—especially those who’ve experienced infertility or pregnancy loss. It’s completely normal not to feel particularly festive when you’ve got so much on your mind.

The fix: What to do

Lean on trusted people who know the news and can hold space for your fears. As for the “party face,” take the pressure off of your social performance (or attendance) as much as possible. “It’s perfectly acceptable to arrive silently or to skip it entirely. Safeguard your tranquility,” advises Barton.

Challenge: Family Members Who Do Know Are Pressuring You to Tell the Rest of the Family

Your mom really wants to post about your pregnancy on Facebook or share it with her sister at the holiday party, and she’s wondering if you’ll please, please just let her. Meanwhile, you just want to hide in your childhood bedroom and never come out.

The fix: What to say and do

Here, boundaries are your friend once again. Oscarson suggests saying, “We need a little bit more time before we’re ready to share. I’ll tell you when it’s okay to make an announcement.” Resist the urge to over-explain.

Challenge: You’re More Cautious About Germs Than Usual Due to Your Pregnancy

You know your immune system is more sensitive during pregnancy, so you’re trying to avoid getting a cold or anything worse.

The fix: What to say and do

Some extra precautions and gentle boundaries can go a long way. Wash your hands frequently, and keep some extra distance from your nephew with the hacking cough. Oscarson suggests saying, “I’m being extra cautious about getting sick this winter, so I hope you’ll understand if I skip the hug.”

Challenge: Someone Accidentally “Outs” You to the Whole Family

Kids (and grownups) say the darndest things—and sometimes those things include revealing a pregnancy to your entire extended family!

The fix: What to do

At this moment, you’ll likely mentally leave your body for a second. Once you return, the best move is to laugh and go with it—but draw boundaries too. “If you get outed, you can acknowledge the truth (if you desire) and state your boundary that you’re not ready to talk about it,” says Basch. At the very least, this might be a funny story in the future.

Being pregnant over the holidays can be both beautiful and difficult. Remember, you don’t owe anyone pregnancy announcements, RSVPs yes or explanations for your decisions. “The holidays can heighten stress and demands, but early pregnancy calls for kindness,” says Barton. “You don’t have to handle this season flawlessly—you simply need to progress through it in a manner that respects your needs.”

Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.