10 Things We’re Letting Go of This Season

The holiday season arrives loaded with expectations—and every year, we try to up the ante, competing with ourselves to manufacture even more magical moments for our families. But we get so focused on creating joy for everyone else that we can barely catch our own breath, let alone soak it all in. But, it turns out, these self-imposed expectations come at a cost; we’re certainly not our best selves when we’re fighting for our lives in a 90-minute queue to meet Santa. So, as of today, we’re done going through the merry motions just to check off another item on the to-do list. We’re releasing the things that don’t serve us, shifting our priorities and reclaiming our perspective. Here’s what we’re letting go of this season—and what we’re embracing instead.

Perfectionism

Perfection is obviously unattainable, but many of us have been striving toward it our whole lives nonetheless. Leanna Brisson, PsyD, a relational and psychodynamic therapist based in Washington, DC, reminds us this quest comes with consequences: “When we’re so laser focused on getting it right or we silo our vision on the details of perfection, we miss opportunities for connection with those around us.”

Relax those expectations and watch fun naturally bloom. “As both a photographer and mom, I’ve learned that the ‘perfect’ is an exhausting myth,” says Miriam Dubinsky, a family photographer in New York. “The photos families treasure most are the ones showing real life—kids laughing mid-cookie decorating or toddlers pulling ornaments off the tree.” Embrace these messier moments both on and off camera; this is what authentic joy looks like.

Unrealistic Expectations for Our Kids

Gatherings with extended family can stir up tricky dynamics for everyone. Kids may be expected to show perfect gratitude, use flawless table manners or behave pleasantly from sunrise to sunset. But kids are—well, kids—and they can’t switch off their big feelings and normal behavior just because your judgmental Aunt Karen is in the house.

“Kids don’t suddenly become more patient, flexible or calm because it’s holiday time. Keeping your expectations realistic will help everyone feel more relaxed—including you,” says Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC, an anxiety, trauma and attachment therapist based in Los Angeles. And when Auntie K pipes up with her judgmental comments, calmly state your family’s boundaries and drop the mic.

Overscheduling

It can be tempting to sign up for all the holiday things to try to maximize holiday magic. Who needs one holiday party when you can attend three, right? Of course, the logical part of our brains know that overscheduling can lead to burnout.

“Your energy is not an infinite resource. Choose the events that bring you joy (or at least don’t drain you), and decline the rest—no guilt required,” says Jaime B., mom of two in Fairfield, Connecticut. “‘That doesn’t work for us this year’ is a complete sentence,” says Groskopf. “Protecting your bandwidth is a gift to everyone.”

Powering Through Despite Overwhelm

‘Tis the season of lights, cheer and, sometimes, overstimulation. “Let’s be honest, the holidays can be a lot. Crowded malls, holiday music, blinking lights, etc. You don’t have to tolerate everything with a smile,” says Groskopf.

Self-care should be non-negotiable in December—and all year, really. Carve out some time for relaxation amid holiday hustle and bustle. “You’re allowed to step out, dim the lights and take a breather. Regulated parents create regulated moments,” says Groskopf.

The Comparison Trap

It’s human to compare ourselves to our peers, but social media has made the instinct to do so more extreme than ever. During this high-pressure time of year, stepping away from “the scroll” can go a long way toward curbing the comparison trap.

“We all have different and unique lived experiences that make us who we are, and we can never know someone else’s full story. What we can know is what feels good and affirming to us,” says Brisson. “Tuning into our own needs can help us follow what’s right for us, not what makes sense for someone else who doesn’t live your life.”

FOMO

The fear of missing out can rob us the joy from our own experiences. And, truthfully, we’re always missing out on something! “As parents, we’re often told to do more, not less, but the freedom and space that less can create can be worth every difficult ‘no’ we might have to muster up in order to feel true satisfaction,” says Brisson.

Instead, embrace JOMO (the joy of missing out). Celebrate the freedom that comes with saying “no” to some things, and lean into the peace you’ll feel with a less overwhelming schedule. Brisson adds that saying no might not feel uncomfortable at first: “It’s likely to come with disappointment and guilt! Those feelings might be necessary.”

Traditions for the Sake of Tradition

Sometimes, we find ourselves engaging in traditions that we no longer relish—either out of guilt or even habit.

“If you’re noticing dread for a particular tradition, give yourself permission to pivot to something different. Not only will this likely take some pressure off your shoulders, it’ll also model parenting values of flexibility, creativity and authenticity for your kids,” says Brisson. Add some spontaneous new activities to switch things up. If it sparks joy, go for it. If it doesn’t? Let it go!

Over-Spending

The holidays can get expensive fast, adding unnecessary stress and financial strain. “Let’s let go of trying to fill some imaginary gift quota that drains our wallets and packs our homes with things we don’t need,” says Deirdre C., mom of two in Brooklyn, New York. Smaller, thoughtful gifts or even gifts of experiences can bring kids the joy and love you want them to feel.

The Pressure to Be the Ultimate Host

As far as gatherings go, set yourself up for success by lowering the pressure to curate an unforgettable experience. “Let go of the idea that hosting has to look picture-perfect like the images you see on Instagram with candles burning, a themed snack board or a spotless house before anyone walks in,” says Sarah H., a mom of four in Los Angeles. “Most people just want to walk into a home that feels welcoming and have a good conversation.”

Low-key gatherings can be just as special, so leave some of the mess if it means you get to be more present and regulated. “Moms don’t need a spotless, magazine-worthy home to host meaningful holidays. Your family wants to spend time with you, not your fluffed pillows,” says Dubinsky. “A lived-in home with toys on the floor means childhood is happening there.”

Unrealistic New Year’s Resolutions

The holiday season tends to be draining, no matter how much you take off your plate. Why add the pressure of reinventing yourself or take on massive goals right after? Instead, work toward something small but attainable during the New Year buzz. Or, better yet, resolve to dissolve the idea of being the perfect parent, provider and magic maker all year round.

To Sum It Up

Ultimately, letting go of the things that don’t serve us this holiday season (and beyond) will help us feel lighter and freer. Put down the social media, prioritize self-care and release the need to be everything to everyone. Ironically, taking care of yourself in these meaningful ways can help produce the sparkly holiday moments you wanted all along.